My father has become absolutely insufferable when it comes to work. He owns a small restaurant, and all he does is complain about al he has to do, how early he had to go there to prepare the ingredients, how hot it was to inside, how many hours he slept and all sorts of stuff. Since it's a small restaurant, he doesn't really make that much to pay too many wages, so the people working there are him, me, three local guys and sometimes my mother (we're not locals, we are from a different country). On duty it's always me, him and two of the others, and while the money is decent compared to what I'm used to (I've always been paid minimum wage, now I make about £25k yearly).
This whole situation has been going on for almost 5 years now, but it's gotten worse after he sold his first car (an Alpine which he couldn't afford) for an even more expensive car (a secondhand Lotus, which he can't afford either), and he barely makes enough to cover its monthly payments. He keeps on screaming at everyone, he barely puts any effort in the food he makes, doesn't care about being clean or cross contamination except when it comes to allergies, for which he complains a lot and says that if people have allergies they shouldn't be eating out food prepared by other people, and to make things worse he keeps on giving me more of the work he should be doing, saying I don't do enough (when I'm actually the one doing most of the stuff around, since I constantly run around managing kitchen and customer area, doing all the cleanings, the drinks, taking people's order, bringing food to the tables and more). So far he's given me to do some of the food preps, but he keeps on trying to get me to do more stuff every day, and it's getting really tiresome
Everyone has been telling him to just sell the place, but he won't because he know it's the only thing keeping our family together (I'd move out the very next day, and my mother too since they're separated but living together)
Any advice on what to do?

Forgot to mention, he won't let me just leave since I'm pretty much the one keeping the restaurant together, and despite knowing it'd be the easiest and best thing to do the guilt tripping is just too much

>>33366759 (OP)
Sounds like your old man needs to admit he doesn’t have it in him any more to keep being the leader. Probably why he pushes you so hard to do more and more. He wants you to outperform him, so that he can pass the business to you. Old lion settles down when the cub gets his own mane and pride. That’s what he should be doing or at least admitting.

You already know the shit he should be doing, you wrote it in your post. You know what needs done. What you should do is go ahead and do it. Stop arguing with your old man, just do it without him asking and take the reins from his hands and take charge.

Then have a man-to-man talk, you tell him that you intend to run the ship in your own way. And that he should take a break and start thinking of retiring or at least minimising his active role. But be sure to tell him you want him to give you counsel and his wisdom from the sidelines, to actually teach you what he knows. That way he won’t get all bent out of shape over wounded pride because you’d have validated all his life’s work by valuing it as a source of wisdom to draw from.

And by wisdom i dont mean the sloppy shit he does now. I mean the hard work and shit he learned before you were even born, when he was younger and more effective. That shit is what you want to ask him for.

>>33366765
>the guilt tripping

Yeah I know it sucks. But remember the guilt is his. Not yours. Cuz the guy worked and worked and made something, a family and a family business. That’s his pride, the thing he wants to know will outlive him, that when he is dead, he knows he at least created something bigger than him, something his family can have to their name to enjoy as a consistent wellspring of prosperity. And now the business is taking hits, and his wife is separated but still living with him & his son would bail too.

He isn’t dumb. He knows this. Why else do you think he’s trying to hold it all together and refuse to budge? He knows if the business goes bye-bye, everything he worked hard for melts away like chalk in the rain. No man in his position, even you, would want to lose that fight. That’s his guilt, he thinks he alone is the reason its all going to shit.

That’s why he wants you to fight for him by pushing you harder into doing more. That’s why he way he gets to let go while still knowing at the very least, his passion survives after he lets go. Hell maybe he even can go see about fixing that marriage once he knows the business is secure and his son succeeds him.

That might come off as a guilt trip to you, but only because the dude doesnt admit it. If he can admit this then maybe its no longer him handing you guilt, but a purpose.

Talk with him alone some time. Take him some place like a camping trip or a hike or somewhere for father son shit. Then talk.

>>33366799
>he wants you to outperform him to pass the business on you
Eh, not really, he wants to eventually sell and move to either Alaska, Canada or Japan, the only problem is he's been saying it for the past 3? years or so. It's not a business we had in the family for generations that's about to stop, it's something he started on a whim because he refuses to have someone to boss him around, taking money from everyone, me included, and not giving them back because "it's an investment we all made together"
Hell I'm almost 30, and this job ruined my only relationship since he wouldn't let me leave, yet he jokes around saying "why are you still living with your parents at 30?" It's not my choice ffs
And I have no intention of taking the business over, it's a job I hate with all myself. My suggestions are always put aside despite being sound and helpful to the business.

>>33366876
>Eh, not really, he wants to eventually sell and move to either Alaska, Canada or Japan, the only problem is he's been saying it for the past 3? years or so
I wanna learn guitar, I want to go visit St. Petersburg, Russia. I also wanna catch a salmon with a fishing rod. Been saying it for years. My point is, what he says he wants ain’t what he is gonna do. Cuz what he says isn’t what he actually he wants. What people, especially guys want, is shown in their actions. His actions are he cant let go of the business, why? Cuz he wants to keep what he built.

>It's not a business we had in the family for generations that's about to stop, it's something he started on a whim
All generational businesses gotta start somewhere. I don’t think it’s a whim, do you? Who starts a family business on a whim? Whims are easy, whims can be done by anyone for any reason. Owning a business and running it and getting all worked up into being angry and bitter like your dad isnt done on whims. Thats done on purpose, from having a hope or a goal and chasing it around for years.

>my suggestions are always put aside despite being sound and helpful to the business
Yeah and im saying you got sound and helpful ones. But you should go and execute them, dont wait for his permission. Talk is cheap, actions will show your old man the value of your ideas.

>>33366759 (OP)
You should try being a small businessman today. I am sure everything your father says is absolutely true.

Historically, immigrant families have made successes of such marginal businesses through having the entire family involved, fighting their way to success through pure hard work and long hours. It is a shame that you don't share his dedication.

>>33367017
Yeah, this. Not an immigrant myself OP, but its something even natives notice and admire. Childhood friend of mine came from Bangladesh. Broke as fuck, small home, never had the best clothes or anything. His dad started off as a dishwasher in some restaurant. Dude worked his ass off non stop, 6 days a week sometimes 7. All the way to owning the restaurant. Had the whole family take over, and now that friend of mine took over from his dad. By late 20’s, had the business and made another. In his 30s he runs three places and a hotel. Rich as fuck now. And it all happened on the back of his dad who broke himself for decades to get it started, and I mean that literally, dude has a shit ton of spine problems now and has to use a chair in his old age. Broke his own body to make sure his kids thrived.