Five years ago, I decided to move to Europe thinking it would be fun. But the experience has become unbearable for me personally. Your lifelong neighbors become strange aliens, it's hard to make friends because of the cultural barrier, you go from living in a decent house to a shitty apartment. On top of that, I can't help but feel like I'm not a person, but a political entity. For example, I avoid raising my voice too much for fear of some chud thinking badly of me—it's a type of anxiety that not even my shy self of five years ago would have unlocked. It may sound silly, but the truth is, something like this has left me unrecognizable from who I was a while ago. Traumatic experiences, my paranoia and my overawareness have turned me into someone with zero personality. Besides, back home, my family would have been able to pay for a private college. Not here. So now I'm pursuing a different kind of degree, which, while it guarantees me a job, also limits the maximum salary that I can earn. I don't know, I feel like I traded a comfortable life in a country where I belonged to a middle-class family for being a second-class citizen with the permanent label of "immigrant." I look at my old friends' social media feeds and can't help but compare their lives to my phantom existence. I've experienced some bad things, but I've never been suicidal. However, imagining that I'll be fifty years old without having outgrown my group of friends when I was sixteen makes me think my life isn't worth living.

No reason to cope. You're like a diamond being sculpt. You took the wrong curve? Go back and take the right curve, and repeat that every time you need to do it. This is how life flows.

>>33368865 (OP)
You could build a time machine, go back in time and make different choices. Then you'd make a thread on /adv/ complaining about something else.

Wait a minute... Maybe it would be a better idea to just move on and accept sometimes things don't work the way we wanted them to.

You don't like where you live now? Make plans to go somewhere else, maybe back to your home country.

Or keep crying like a bitch and see if I care.

>>33368903
Thanks for the words anon

>>33368920
Ngl, that's how I think my family will respond if I vent to them.

I thought about returning to my country, but I can't now because I have to continue my education. It would make these depressing years not just depressing, but useless. But I have thought that as soon as I have work experience and the opportunity, I will return to my country.

Honestly, I don't regret how things have evolved so much as what I have become. My depression and insecurities are directly linked to me moving from one country to another. Even if I return to my country, I feel like I have wasted several years by my own choice. Especially in the social sphere.

>>33368865 (OP)
Where are you in Europe that you are so miserable and what do you study?
Unless you are in a dirtpoor country that got manipulated by the CIA like Georgia, while US Americans are more and more disliked, I would not expect you to be treated this badly, especially in uni. Hard to find a European uni that isn't full of immigrants, even the shitty ones.
Mine has plenty of US Americans and - even worse than you people - Australians. We mostly got along good, as long as they weren't disgustingly racist or obnoxious.
Are you mega autistic? Do you have prior paranoia issues?
Do you talk to your classmates, study group members or others?
It seems like you've isolated yourself in a cliché in your own head. It's not that bad here, unless you're the problem.

>>33369211
I'm going to get trashed for this, but it's basically because of the last thing you said. I've socially isolated myself because of my insecurities. I've only been directly offended once. But I'm in an age group (21 years old) where some people, especially men, are still pretty edgy and immature. One time, a group of guys were talking next to me, talking shit about someone who came from the same continent as me (honestly, he kinda deserved it), and one guy said a slur (which also applied to people like me). I don't know, I feel like if I make friends, they'll look down on me, since the general feeling toward people from my region is disdain. And I know not everyone is like that, but I can't get the idea out of my head. It's what I said before, I don't feel like a person anymore. I would never feel this inferior if it weren't for the stupid decision to move.

>Are you mega autistic
Maybe, I've never been diagnosed. And I don't want to define myself as one, as that would be the typical case of internet-fueled hypochondria. But I've always been part of the weird group. However, in my homeland, my personality helped me make friends like me, but here I'm not confident enough to open up. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't. As I said, I'm mourning the person I was before. Only when I get a little drunk do I feel at peace again. And I don't want to be an alcoholic.

>>33368865 (OP)
>wall of text [omitted]
Start making the right choices right now.

>>33368903
Faggot ass nigga
You basically complimented a man and that's gay as hell. What grown man tells another grown man "You're beautifully sculpted, your body is a work of art, you're beautiful" if they ain't a little suspect themselves? Hmm? Cause that sounds gay as hell

>>33369294
So you're most likely an Indian American, probably not a North Indian? Are you studying CS in Europe?
If you're at peace when drinking, why not try going to parties and stuff? Maybe you can even hit up parties not from your major. During my university time, biology and med students threw parties that random people attended all the time, you just needed to know where it was.

>>33371072
I'm not American, nor am I studying CS. But I'll take your advice and try going to parties, even though here in Europe, as far as I know, they don't have parties; instead, you go to clubs with your group of friends