How do I become less bitter and hateful - /adv/ (#33374307) [Archived: 378 hours ago]

Anonymous
7/16/2025, 11:03:18 PM No.33374307
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I want to become better at expressing gratitude and being earnestly kindhearted. I'm very hateful and cynical, whenever someone tells me their good news I want to punch them in the fucking face. My cousin is graduating university and having a party, no one threw any fucking party when I graduated. This girl I had a crush on a few years ago is getting engaged and part of me is exploring ways I can ruin their marriage. Why should they be happy when I'm miserable?

I think it stems from my childhood, my parents constantly put me down and compared me to everyone else and it messed with me psychologically. My dad has never told me that he's proud of me not even when I graduated from university. I was bullied at school and told I was weak but my intelligence was always complimented so I developed a strange ego and inferiority complex. Is there hope for me or should I just commit to being evil and lonely and hateful for the rest of my life?
Replies: >>33374316 >>33374366 >>33374429 >>33374586 >>33374723 >>33375426
Anonymous
7/16/2025, 11:07:00 PM No.33374316
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760788
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>>33374307 (OP)
https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.188253
Anonymous
7/16/2025, 11:09:51 PM No.33374328
Being hateful is tiring, I’ve been that way a lot and it’s just suffering. I’m trying to think when I’ve been the least hateful and what I did different. I think in general I’ve been less hateful towards others when I’m less angry and hateful at myself. And cheesy as it may sound writing a little gratitude list at night seemed to help. Also praying for the people I felt anger towards, someone told me to try that and it did seem to help some too.
Anonymous
7/16/2025, 11:18:54 PM No.33374366
>>33374307 (OP)
You don't want people to be happy because you are unhappy. And this makes you angry because it passively cements your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Your urge to hurt others or make them miserable is your mind's way to brute force a twisted sense of connection. After all, id you can make others miserable, and you are miserable, then maybe then you can not feel so alone.

"I've been destroyed. Maybe if I destroy others, I'll feel okay."

The problem with this though is it doesn't work. If it worked, you'd have enjoyed a connection with the people who fucked you up in childhood. Notice that you didn't.

Moreover, and this should piss you off, it is an affront to your intellectual dignity. Why? Because by enacting rage and hate towards those who harbored no ill intent against you, guess who you become, unwittingly? Your parents. You become exactly like them. Maybe you don't remember, but once upon a time you were a boy. And you started off innocent. Back when you were young, real young. When the height of your day was playing with some toys, going outside to play in the sun, and maybe getting a happy meal at McDonald's. You just wanted to be happy, remember? You harbored no hate or ill intent at first. But some people kicked that out of you, brutally and systematically. They saw your happiness and it made them angry, and they wanted it gone. And so it was gone.

By trying to ruin people for the crime of being happy, you repeat the same actions of those who killed you. It means that those people win. They succeed and you lose. It means they not only broke you, but were successful in breaking your future as well as your past.

Don't let it happen.
Replies: >>33374429
Anonymous
7/16/2025, 11:34:00 PM No.33374429
>>33374307 (OP)
>>33374366
Also wanna add some hope for you OP. Because yes, there is hope. Practical hope, I know you don't want the mushy emotional hope, not yet anyway.

Here's some practical hope: process.

If you can squarely acknowledge what I said, that once upon a time you were innocent, not hateful, and had good intent before either was ruined and killed out of you, then you have to acknowledge process.

Because your descent into malice and anger and misanthropy didn't happen overnight, did it? It took time. It was a slow acidic burn. It was a process.

Processes have entrances and exits. They go both ways. The fact process can take a person and transform them one way is proof it can take a man and transform him another way.

It does this through familiarity, and how the mind adapts to familiarity and becomes a personification of that which is familiar to it.

What was familiar to you was pain, abuse, neglect, harassment and humiliation. Your mind had to adapt, to survive. It became exactly like it's environment. Which means (you) became as you are now, today, full of hate and bitterness.

Now take that logic and apply it for this question: What will happen if you place yourself in better, healthier, functional and peaceful environs? What happens over time, the longer you practice it and fraternise with it? You become it, over time, over a process. Just as process pulled you under into hell, it can also elevate you to the above. Because process is a neutral force. It doesn't care about people, it cares about outcomes. It's an elevator that can be taken both ways.

But you and (you) alone must push the button. You need to start that process. You do that by choosing the opposite to what you feel. Which is hard as fuck at first. Very damn hard. It won't give results overnight. Remember, it was not overnight you became hateful either.

But as sure as the sun eventually rises, you can choose your way to a better life. So choose.
Anonymous
7/17/2025, 12:13:45 AM No.33374586
>>33374307 (OP)
You are not the center of the universe.
Bitterness and Hate mostly come from insecurities and feelings of being neglected, rejected and so on.
My dad never told me either that he was proud of me. But that is partly because i was closed like an oyster and he did not know me or tried to know me. Much later i realised that i did not need his approval, because i made my own choices, and that whether or not they were good, they were my own choices and i could be proud of trying things out and experience life.
The ego is often a problem in people. You can't really avoid it, but you can witness what it's doing in you, and if it makes you feel good or bad stuff.
Anonymous
7/17/2025, 12:56:07 AM No.33374723
>>33374307 (OP)
You know when at 4:30am, when it still seems completely dark outside, you hear the blackbird chirping? And when it gets a bit lighter, you hear the doves making their sounds? Then maybe a crow cawing? So, you speak to them, thank them for letting you know they're there. And when you see the rising Sun glittering through the foliage, you say "hi!" What a gift, a nearby star to warm my world. You don't have to say any of these things aloud, because people might have you forcibly confined (joke). What you're doing is cultivating gratitude and existential love as your baseline, default condition. It all comes down to how you use your attention.
Real a$s niga
7/17/2025, 4:32:32 AM No.33375426
1692406728375301
1692406728375301
md5: 9ae59ead8b0967b549269e8c718ca526🔍
>>33374307 (OP)
Reserve your hatred for those/things who truly deserve it
And your gratitude
Right now your shit is worthless cuz you so easily dispense it at the most trivial inane generic shit
Ooh wow muh high school crush hurr Durr muh school peer, who cares what your shit ass little bubble circle of insignificants do with their puny micromanaged telegraphed lives