My girlfriend is 13 weeks pregnant.

We never wanted to have children. However, she now wants to keep the child and I feel sick in my stomach any time I even think of seeing this child looking at me.

I know its ultimately her choice and she has decided to keep the baby but how do I move past the hate I have for her?

I can't understand why someone would want to have an unexpected child with someone who wants no part of it. All my feelings have meant nothing to her and she just asks me to talk to other dads to see how they cope.

I'm really curious what people's experiences have been with a bad father.

Has anyone had a father who they know have hated them and wished they never stuck around?

Has anyone had a father who completely disappeared because of depression?

>>33376341 (OP)
You don't want the child to look at you because you are afraid of what it will see. You see your own self as something ugly and contemptible. And you fear that if something pure and innocent and void of bias, like that of the eyes of a child, were to see you as how you see yourself (miserable, worthless, defective) that it would break you down.
You don't want to see your reflection in your child's eyes. That's what's scaring you.

Don't be so afraid, OP. There's something in you that runs deeper than your hate or depression that you don't even know you have in you. But it's in you. And it will reveal itself to you the second you look at your baby when it's born, when you feel it writhe in your shaking arms. Instinct will kick in. You will be flooded with every single wish, plan, desire to protect that kid. It's a hardwired response that's dormant in you and every man. The only men who escape this instinct are those who run away before then, the ones who never hold the child and aren't there during delivery. Go see the delivery when it happens. You will walk out of that hospital as someone changed.

That desire to live and protect the kid and to raise and encourage and guide and support that kid will also transfer to (you). You will begin to do those things for yourself and you will want to, deeply and truly, because you will need to do that for yourself so you can ensure you can do that for the kid effectively. Misery, depression, those will be things of the past. And you'll have the kid to thank for it.

>>33376367

Thank you. This rang true. It just feels insurmountable through all of that pressure knowing I never wanted the thing.

I just feel so alone.

>>33376341 (OP)
The person to hate is yourself. If you were so rabidly anti-baby you should have taken better precautions.

>>33376419

Yeah no shit, plenty of that has been done already. That isn't going to change.

How would you deal with having your whole stance disregarded and tossed in the bin just to be told to suck it up.

That's what I'm trying to do. How do I learn just to grin and bare it cunt?

>>33376418
>Thank you. This rang true. It just feels insurmountable through all of that pressure knowing I never wanted the thing.

So what? There’s nothing wrong with feeling like you don’t want someone or something, even a child. It’s only a feeling. Feelings come and go like piss in the wind. The longer you loathe yourself for not wanting something, the longer the inner conflict remains. And inner conflict sucks and then you find yourself not wanting anything forever. The paradoxical solution is to allow yourself to admit you don't want the kid and even go as far as accept that as OK. Its just a feeling, a common feeling of anxiety or doubt or fear, just dressed up in the mentalized story that you dont want the baby.

Every single father to be and father was scared shitless, worried, doubtful, maybe even pangs of regret. Thats all normal to feel. The only thing you are doing thats different is you’re trying to rationalise that which is irrational, so you convince yourself you dont want the kid. Its not the kid. Its the feelings you dont want. Theres a difference.

Truthfully you dont know how that kid will make you feel at all. And you may find despite not wanting it, you are glad to have it. You’ll see why when it happens.

It's an opportunity to raise a based and exceptional kid, even if it's by learning from all the mistakes you made. Every crisis and challenge is a chance for something better. If we weren't scared, we would likely overlook that chance. You didn't ask to be a dad (like most) but you'll be the best damn dad you can.

Who is going to do a better job, someone who thinks about the consequences or some dumb sperm-slinging lowlife? The kid is going to be born loving you, that's a good start.

>>33376341 (OP)
>I can't understand why someone would want to have an unexpected child with someone who wants no part of it.

Government enforced income extraction.

>>33376544
>even if it's by learning from all the mistakes you made. Every crisis and challenge is a chance for something better.

Absolutely this OP. Fatherhood is about guiding children through suffering. It’s not this cheery joyful thing where you pamper them and love them as a woman. You love as a man. You do have the joy, but it will be in pride. You will be proud of the kid every time you watch him or her take your lessons to heart, lessons you paid for in your own blood, sweat, tears, failures. You watch the kid learn from your suffering and excel.

That means all of the suffering you have had and lived through up till now? It now has meaning. It has purpose. It wasn’t for nothing. It’s understood again as wisdom. Wisdom you can give forward to the kid. Because after all, who else is more experienced but (you), OP?

If the job is to guide a young soul through the hallways of Hell, so it may thrive, who else is better for the job than the man who dwelt and lived in those chasms of hell? Who else knows the way around better?

Someone who didnt suffer as you did? Someone who knows jack shit about what pain or suffering means? Do you think they’d know what to tell a kid who finds itself suffering? I dont think they’d say a lot. I think they’d just throw money or gifts at a kid and leave it to deal alone.

But you know what it feels like to be alone and to be left hanging, with no guide or mentor to help. You will know what to say and do for when that kid falls and stumbles. That’s the absolute essence of being a good dad.

Don’t go counting yourself out because of your suffering and shit OP. Count yourself in precisely because you know suffering.

>>33376341 (OP)
That’s what you get for having SEX

>>33376532
>>33376544
>>33376575

Thank you anons. I also had a call with my own Dad who said very much the same thing. That to give up before even trying like you've said is the biggest crime to yourself and to a poor boy.

This has been more gut-wrenching and painful to hear than any advice anyone has given me in person. It's cut me to the core but bleeding and moving forward is better than being a shell.

>>33376577
Cocky want boing boing.

I wish I had some

>>33376628
>This has been more gut-wrenching and painful to hear than any advice anyone has given me in person. It's cut me to the core but bleeding and moving forward is better than being a shell.

There you go, bro. That's the spirit. Yeah it's gut-wrenching and painful. What that is, it's a sign of life. The dead don't scream or have gut wrenching pain. The living do. Follow that pain, and you live. Only way outta Hell is through it. That's the shit you stand to learn, the value you will bring to that kid's life. You'll know how to push through the hard shit, how to bleed, how to navigate pain. You will find out that actual real happiness will be paid to you in direct proportion to your pain. That's what's through the other end when you see it through. Keep going bro, you got this.

>>33376341 (OP)
Do you hate yourself? It sounds like it.

>>33376458
>How do I learn just to grin and bare it
You might begin by learning the difference berween BARE and BEAR.

>>33376341 (OP)
I won't read how to move on threads. Attention issue, but OP is too much of a subhuman moron to know wtf I mean by attention, so nothing can be done.

>>33376341 (OP)
you were not supposed to coom inside

>>33376341 (OP)
You just deal with it. Right now, your brain is wondering "what can i do to escape this?", "what should have i done to prevent this?".
Your brain is basically denying the reality of a baby. You could totally leave right now and just fuck it all up...but if you haven't already, it's because you are just scared.
And being scared of parenthood is ok. It's not gonna be roses and sunshine just yet. But i guess you loved her enough before.
Sometimes it's harder to go against something, than actually understand you, right now, don't really have a choice. Cause it's a life you're bringing together.
It could go a million ways wrong and a million ways good. A baby will surprise you in both ways. Just see it as an experience of self discovery and well, if your couple does not stand the test of time, you can always split up at some point.

>>33376341 (OP)
N

>>33376341 (OP)
>I know its ultimately her choice and she has decided to keep the baby but how do I move past the hate I have for her?
Honestly, there is a very real possibility that you will never be able to. What you really should have done is left her the moment she announced she wanted to keep it; that might have changed her mind. It's too late for that now. But you should still very seriously consider leaving. Some people are simply not cut out to be a father, and having a father like that is worse for a child than not having a father at all.

>>33376341 (OP)
Yes

>>33376341 (OP)
>why won't you kill your baby because it's inconvenient for me
you're a massive piece of shit bro

I can't comprehend what kind of failure of a man you have to be to not want your child. You're fucking pathetic, little boy.

>>33376341 (OP)
>how do I move past the hate I have for her?
Legally opt out of everything concerning the child, relinquish any role you would have in its life, and break up with your girlfriend. Neither her nor the child deserve to have someone like you in their lives. You are the scum of this Earth and they don't need you to inflict yourself on them.

>>33382767
>>33382772
>>33382789
He was open about not wanting to be a father YET. He is not ready YET. She could have accepted that, or left him for someone who is ready to be a father. Forcing him into that role is disgusting on her part. They made a mistake to conceive in the first place, but she's scum of the Earth for keeping it.

OP, grow a spine and leave her. Not because you're scum, but because she is.

>>33376341 (OP)
Why would you fuck someone if you didn't want to deal with the consequences, you sad juvenile faggot. Just step up and be a good father. Parenting a family is literally the most psychologically rewarding path you can take through life.

>>33385033
>He was open about not wanting to be a father YET. He is not ready YET.
>Tough shit, the baby's on its way.
>She could have accepted that, or left him for someone who is ready to be a father. Forcing him into that role is disgusting on her part.
So kill the baby, or leave so the manchild can shirk his responsibilities while an actual man does what he can't? How is a woman expecting a man to own up to his child being disgusting?
>They made a mistake to conceive in the first place, but she's scum of the Earth for keeping it.
Again, how is a woman "scum" for not killing her baby and the dickhead coward of a father isn't?
>OP, grow a spine and leave her. Not because you're scum, but because she is.
Abortionists like you deserve to have your skulls crushed.

>reproductive rights for mee but not for thee: The Thread
simps deserve the gas
>>33385033
this
>>33376341 (OP)
OP you're a man asking a man problem, this board is full of manhaters of various types, seek a better place before you get gaslit into ruining your and your potential child's life. Even /fit/ would be better

>>33376341 (OP)
O.P. is an idiot who needs to deal with babymomma/child support for the next 18 years. with luck the girlfriend doesn't flake and provides lots of fun sex in exchange.

maybe she babytrapped you, O.P.. maybe not. you are screwed either way.

>>33385097
T. Incel whining

>>33376341 (OP)
>I can't understand why someone would want to have an unexpected child with someone who wants no part of it. All my feelings have meant nothing to her and she just asks me to talk to other dads to see how they cope.
The thing is that you can pretend like the decision to keep or abort the child is the both of yours to make but she's the one who is actually responsible at the end of the day. If you sit down and really think about it I doubt you could even remotely conceptualize the weight and responsibility of having another living human being inside of you. It sounds as though you've spent a lot of time thinking about your own feelings and nearly none thinking about hers.

>>33385367
Same goes for the financial and opportunity costs she (and the system) forces on him without his consent. It sounds as though you've spent a lot of time thinking about your own feelings and nearly none thinking about his.

>>33385374
>consent
this is the risk all men face when inserting their naughty bits into a womans naughty bits. in doing so in a consensual manner O.P. has sealed his fate.

have fun changing diapers, O.P.

>>33385384
Ditto about abortion, it's the risk she took by not having working birth control and having sex

>>33385388
>Ditto

that's about the dumbest thing a person can say. user your words to earn some GBP, anon, never mind that no one gives a damn about your opinions.

>>33385374
>Same goes for the financial and opportunity costs she (and the system) forces on him without his consent
He had sex with her unprotected. That's his consent. Its weird to pretend like he's being unfairly assaulted with financial and opportunity costs when this is literally a direct result of his decision making. Its so weird how wildly unfamiliar incels become with the concept of personal responsibility the second women and pregnancy come up. Babies happen when sperm goes in vagina. If you're too dumb to figure that out then whatever consequences you suffer are 100% your fault. This applies equally to both OP and his girlfriend.

>It sounds as though you've spent a lot of time thinking about your own feelings and nearly none thinking about his.
OP is a whining bitch who isn't man enough to accept the consequences of his actions. Hating a woman for keeping a baby you put in her is like hating a guy who sues you after you hit him with your car. You did this. This is your fault. Grow up.

>>33385416
>That's his consent.
ehhhhhhhhh... ditto.

>>33385416
>personal responsibility
>woman takes none, knowing he's not ready for children
rape is rape, except this one's encouraged by the state

>>33385374
>and nearly none thinking about his
What about his feelings?
>oh no me scurd abort babby so me cn play viddy gaems more, no uncomfy pls.. not kill bab?? i hate u
He's a little faggot who actually managed to carry on his lineage, and he would rather throw it away, for what? He's referred to his firstborn as a "thing" and he's mad because his girlfriend won't kill their child so he can feel better. He's a worthless excuse for a human being.

>>33385424
consent was established. try to keep up, counselor.

>>33385424
>woman takes none
Are you fucking stupid? She's keeping the baby and raising it for the next 18 years. She's doing her part. He would rather drop the dog off on the side of the road and pretend he never knew it.

>>33385425
>muh lineage
if you're that much of a loser, that getting stuck with babies from the wrong woman is a win in your book, that's not the case for everyone
>>33385431
>We never wanted to have children
>want to have an unexpected child with someone who wants no part of it. All my feelings have meant nothing to her and she just asks me to talk to other dads to see how they cope.
"just talk to other women who whine about being '''raped''', you'll get over it in the next 18 years"

>>33385431
He's equating a man having to raise his child to rape. Nothing you say is going to get through to him.

>>33385436
her part is taking the other side's consent when forcing them into life-changing decisions
having a child requires the consent of both parties, and it's not going to be good for the kid if that's not the case

>>33385443
>Stealthing is a form of rape
>rules for thee, and not for me

>>33376367
Kek. But what if the baby turns out to be a girl?
Chris_Watts.jpeg

>>33385444
>having a child requires the consent of both parties
No, it doesn't. What's she supposed to do?
>"I want my baby to live, but my boyfriend doesn't. I guess I should kill it to make him happy."

>>33385444
>not going to be good for the kid
>>33385283

>>33385444
>having a child requires the consent of both parties
ejaculating into the womb of a fertile woman unprotected is a man consenting, what the fuck are you talking about? that's like saying a beer had no right to get you drink just because you chugged it. you're not 5 years old you know how reality works

>>33385033
>She could have accepted that, or left him for someone who is ready to be a father. Forcing him into that role is disgusting on her part. They made a mistake to conceive in the first place, but she's scum of the Earth for keeping it.
He can hate her all he wants, totally justified

NONE of that hate justifies being an absent or half assed father, or wanting an abortion, or not wanting the child. the child is a totally independent human being from who the mother is

>>33385439
>We never wanted to have children
kek being an adult is understanding risk. if you repeatedly stick your pee-pee into a girls hoo-ha the sheer will of animal procreation can overcome almost any method used to stop it, short of actually disconnecting (which can still fail) or removing reproductive organs.

>>33385444
risk is established. try to keep up, really now.

>>33385444
Ahhh, which one of the Schitt family are you, Fulla or Dumb As?

>>33385448
where did stealthing come into this? or are you implying the baby-trap stealth where the female stops using birth control but doesn't inform the partner? in which case it's already been called out.

>>33385475
>ejaculating
uuuunh..... ditto

>>33385481
>independent human being from who the mother

not quite yet, anon. Thats the whole child-support-problem thing for O.P.

O.P. is royally and truly forked and this is by his own consent

>>33385492
Nice pic, danke.

>>33376341 (OP)
Just apologize and make up over some swordfish dinner.

>>33385506
it's difficult to find stuff that is on topic. i have an ungodly amount of images in my folders.

>33385483
>defending baby-trapping rapists this rabidly
no response required

>>33385512
thats the spirit. i have firsthand knowledge of how much fun it can be to have sex with a woman i've impregnated, first wife became an insatiable lust-driven succubus each time.

>>33385363
>with luck the girlfriend doesn't flake and provides lots of fun sex in exchange.

>>33376341 (OP)
Anon I’m sorry to hear this but you’re gonna have to accept your stupidity in jizzing in a girl you didn’t want to have a child with.

I went through two pregnancy scares and one time my pullout game was successful, the other time I bribed the 2nd girl 20k to abort the baby and I never figured out if she did but she milled herself 2 years later.

I did what I had to do to avoid being trapped. I was willing to go further if it was required. I’ll say no more.

>>33376341 (OP)
It's reproductive coercion, aka rape. Even the cucks over at plebbit know it: https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bgcr8r/my_m39_wife_f36_admitted_to_babytrapping_me_with/
We frown upon forcing women to stay with their rapist, so don't let them do the same to you.

>>33385517
you idiot you missed an > and my post >>33385483 wasn't quoted. you can't come up with a response because you're a dolt.

anyway i'm not defending anyone. i literally do not give a damn about any of you.

>33385533
>being this much of a newfag
it really is summer

>>33385548
>>33385533
kek i'm an actual grandpa who was shitposting on 4chan before /adv/ existed

you know their argument is weak when some roody-poo calls you a newfag