I need a way to quickly, briefly, explain the moral and philosophical background ,of the behaviour I will start having; I'm EXTREMELY bitter\resentful\upset at the universe or reality, because I found out a neighbor's daughter flew to india because she's a model. so, she flew to india to do some retarded model shit photograph shoots. I can't quite cope or accept that WHY NOT ME, who flew to the magnificent india -country of celibate ascetics- for free, as she did.
So, I decided I will adopt in my real life, daily life the motto of : "i could literally die any day -in fact, I look forward to it and ,may or may not, deliberately accelerate the process"
How do I explain all this shit very quick, whence I'm questioned or put unto inspection for beheaviour irresponsibly with money, food, health, etc? among other possible disruptions of orderly life expected of societal humans.
>pic unrelated

>>33380752 (OP)
Let me understand this - someone else, who is evidently good at her job, got well rewarded for doing her job, and you take that to be a personal insult to you by the cosmos?

>>33380752 (OP)
>how to quickly explain my behavior/mentality
quite simple OP. in your shoes I'd introduce myself to new people in the following way
>Hi, I'm OP. Please don't mind my erratic behavior, I'm on a psychotic break right now

>>33380922
you understand correctly.
>good at her job
which consists of HAVING BEEN BORN with certain looks. 100% dumb luck
>>33380939
unironically good advice.My motives are rational, but people MAY interpret them like you describe.

for example I have saved money, but i want to spend it in something big and fun, since corpses don't need money. sometimes i fear -or rather, am aware i may become- homeless, as paying rent for a MONTH implies being sure you will LIVE an entire month---who assures me that? no one can.