ive always been a loner ive had 0 friends before none of it is new but why does it burn my soul so badly now when i was a kid i had 1 or 2 freinds that i only would talk to on school and be terminally online but it feels like every single year has gotten worse then the last at least in my early teens i had anger i hated everything i hated myself i hated my school i hated the people i disliked but now im out of hate im lonely im tired and i feel done with it all i dont even want to kill myself anymore because its just too much work i want a relationship but im so convinced it will never happen i refuse to work on myself i hate all the gym maxing chad shit because that just seems stupid to me if i change myself that much for someone else then am i even myself at that point all my joy comes from temporary fleeting sources that only gives me surface level joy i feel hollowed out even if i was happy and gad a girl or friends or whatever i hate myself as much as ive ever hated someone else ive lost a war with myself and i constantly feel like hollow shit i dont want to get better i just want to rot away and die

how do you guys deal with this ive done therapy ive tried everything other then drugs im done with trying to be social and just accepting my lot in life to be empty but is there any way to at least make the day to day less painful

>>33382798 (OP)
>is there any way to at least make the day to day less painful
>accepting my lot in life to be empty
>accepting
True acceptance will free your mind