how do i stop fearing that my boyfriend is going to cheat on me? he's really attractive and a lot of girls are interested in him, he also has a few female friends that i suspect are into him but it's too embarrassing to bring up. i, on the other hand, am really fucking ugly. people assume i'm mtf trans when they see me. it keeps me up at night and i have bad dreams frequently about catching him cheating or something like that. i've gone through his phone once and never found anything and i don't plan on doing it again because i do 1000% trust him (even though it doesn't sound like it). i'm just scared he secretly hates me because i'm really ugly, but i try my best to be useful so he keeps me around

Fuck him good idk. Whose a celebrity you look like?

>>33385724
we used to have sex frequently but not as often these days because i'm on birth control and it completely killed my libido. but you're right, i should probably give him more blowjobs or something idk.
>Whose a celebrity you look like?
i kinda look like taeyeon (girls generation) if she had a squarer jaw, chubby cheeks, and acne + scars everywhere. but i look much weirder and alien-like

>>33385738
Him secretly hating you could just be a product of your own anxiety. If you continue with this cucktquaen behaviour though he'll probably start to think he could do better, so be careful. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

>>33385757
what do u suggest i should do? he treats me well so my anxiety has lessened over the years but it resurfaces intensely when he goes out with his friends because i'm scared a hot girl will approach him. but i think he's aware that i'm ugly, he compliments my skills a lot but never compliments my physical appearance unless i tell him he's cute/hot/whatever first

>>33385704 (OP)
>how do i stop fearing that my boyfriend is going to cheat on me?

By recognising that everyone, including (you), are entirely capable of cheating. When we feel 100% certain this is untrue, then we speak in ignorance, that we have not been in a scenario where we had been weak and tempted enough. Everyone you ever date has the capability to cheat. Just as you have it in you to cheat.

But capability means nothing. Willingness is what determines if you will be cheated or will cheat. You and I are capable of dousing ourselves with gasoline - right now - and then immolating ourselves with a lighter. But we won't because we're both unwilling. That shows you that willingness is what is required to cheat.

And you cannot force someone into or out of willingness either. So don't bother worrying about mind games or reassurances. Cheaters will always cheat no matter what you do for them or against them. If you've been with a pathological cheater you'd know that.

You just need to read someone's willingness. And you do that by counting their actions. Noticing what they choose to do for you and with you. If your BF's actions show he chooses you, then trust that he has chosen you and won't cheat.

Cheaters only fake willing loyalty in their words, their smooth talk and sob stories. Never their actual actions. Their actions usually scream "I don't actually love you and will seek someone else" long, long before they even cheat.

>>33385770
>I'm scared hot girl's will approach him
Everyone feel that way in a relationship, if he cares he'll stay
>What should i do
If you wanna eventually marry this guy prove your worth by showing you can make his life easier. Your actions are more valuable than your looks.
>Never compliments my looks
Put extra efforts into what you wear and make opportunities to look nice for him. Also ask for compliment's "How do i look" ect

>>33385783
thanks kind anon, i'll keep this in mind. i know he isn't going to cheat but i'm still really jealous of his female friends, what do u think i should do? it feels mean and unjustified to tell him to stop being friends with them, but it makes me really anxious. people usually tell me to befriend his girl friends but i'm too jealous to do that

>>33385704 (OP)
>people assume i'm mtf trans when they see me.

People assumed this about my ex (or just that she was a boy). I thought she was beautiful. Don't imagine he sees you the same way you see yourself.

Well, she ended up cheating on me with a gay dude, so maybe it's not the best story.

>>33385798
Maybe you could ask his female friends for tips on the things you envy about them. People in general like to be complimented and like to help people.

>he also has a few female friends that i suspect are into him

People like being friends with hot people. I have hot friends. That doesn't mean I resent when they date other people. I still like looking at them.

I HAVE seen their significant others fucking ruin their relationships over jealousy. One guy's girlfriend who I liked very much completely blew up at him over her jealousy of his friendship with another one of our friends which, I can tell you with certainty, has always been totally platonic and it's extremely bizarre how badly she misread it.

>>33385791
>make opportunities to look nice for him
i dress up often and show him my outfits, he does compliment me when i do that. but i don't think he's ever complimented my face before. bareface, light makeup, full-glam unrecognisable makeup, still no compliments in that regard :((
>>33385799
>she ended up cheating on me
i'm very sorry that happened, i've been cheated on before and it sucks and it skews your perception of future/current relationships
>>33385811
>Maybe you could ask his female friends for tips on the things you envy about them
they're just really pretty and sociable, i've spoken to one online before i met my bf but we didn't like each other very much because i was weird and spergy

>>33385798
>thanks kind anon, i'll keep this in mind. i know he isn't going to cheat but i'm still really jealous of his female friends, what do u think i should do? it feels mean and unjustified to tell him to stop being friends with them, but it makes me really anxious. people usually tell me to befriend his girl friends but i'm too jealous to do that

What are the friendships exactly? Does he hang out with the girls alone 1-on-1, or are these old schoolmates he keeps on socials? Or are they just females who happen to be part of a larger friend group he is in that has males and females both?

It's only a red flag if these are girls who he has no understandable connections to, like old schoolmates, or girls who happen to be part of his mixed-gender social circle. If they are girls who he went out of his way to befriend 1-on-1, then yeah, it's mildly inappropriate in my opinion. Some people have different values so don't take my view as absolute.

Doesn't mean he is a cheater. Could mean he lacks boundaries and doesn't know how to say 'no' to girls befriending him. Lots of people are like this. They ain't cheaters but they're socially oblivious and too agreeable and they end up giving off red flags without intention.

People tell you to befriend those girls because that way you are least make it known you are his GF + you get to assess whether or not the situation is shady or not.

(Cheaters will always refuse for you to befriend their female friends).

>>33385833
>Does he hang out with the girls alone 1-on-1, or are these old schoolmates he keeps on socials? Or are they just females who happen to be part of a larger friend group he is in that has males and females both?
one of them is a coworker and she drives him to work sometimes because he doesn't have a car, but they don't hang out outside of work. they do text each other but i think it's just about work or something. the rest of them are part of a mixed-gender group i think. when he goes out with his friends, i don't really ask who he's going with because i don't really know them and it'd be a bother for him to list out all their names lol

>>33385858
Sounds innocent enough then. Also you are allowed to ask who he's hanging with. He won't need to list out names, just "hanging out with the guys" tells you everything. If he says something neutral like "gonna catch up with friends at work" then it could mean girl or guy. What you do is just ask when he returns "how did it go? How's your friend(s) doing?" And then listen, show interest. Then simply ask "Cool, glad you had fun. What's their name anyway?" Or "yeah? And how are they doing at work, they helping you with stuff?" And that's it. That forces them to start using 'he' or 'she' mid-convo. Then you can know without needing to ask for a list.

>>33385875
>That forces them to start using 'he' or 'she' mid-convo
he has a female caseworker that periodically catches up with him and he always refers to her by they/them. i think he'd probably start doing that if i asked about his female friends, but he's never hesitant to tell me their gender. maybe it's just a weird quirk he has because i think i used to do that too (back when i had friends lol)

>>33385893
Yeah most likely what it is. I do the same shit too. Anyway yeah cheating sucks, being cheated sucks, I’m a guy who was formerly spineless and stuck around with a pathological cheating chick for years and years, hoping they’d change and all that shit. I don’t think you’ve much to worry about. If you had, you’d have certainly brought up some weird behaviours you noticed or contradictory things he’s done or said.

Self respect and working on self esteem is key, femanon. Keeps you resting easy at night. It won’t prevent you from being betrayed, but what it does do is it reassures you that you simply get rid of them the first second they do. Then you wont worry about being cheated, because you’ll be glad they did so you can then remove the cancer out your life and dodge a bullet.

>>33385923
>I don’t think you’ve much to worry about. If you had, you’d have certainly brought up some weird behaviours you noticed or contradictory things he’s done or said.
thank u :] this is very reassuring. i hope u r doing well, it seems like you've been through a lot

>>33385704 (OP)
idk read about covert contracts

>>33385704 (OP)
Okay that sounds very insecure. You never know dude. I'm decently attractive, but I will pick a plain, tomboyish girl over a typical hot girl. It's just based on peoples' type.