>be me, 25 y/o
>married young, good guy
>had a son first
>asked my husband one day, “do you think we’ll ever have a daughter?”
>he just laughed and said “maybe”

>a couple years later, get pregnant again
>it’s a girl
>was so happy to finally have a daughter
>she was really close to me when she was little

>time passes
>she’s 8 now
>only wants to hang out with her dad and older brother
>they do everything together
>games, weekend stuff, even have inside jokes I don’t get
>she barely talks to me unless I start the conversation or she needs something

>feel like an outsider in my own family
>this isn’t what I imagined at all
>It really hurts

How do I deal with feeling this disconnected?

>>33389463 (OP)
4Chan really isn't the spot for this kind of question. Most people on here are childless virgins who actively resent women.

Therapy.
Discuss this with your husband.
Take initiative and ask your children if there's some one-on-one activity they'd like to do with you. Your son needs this from you too.
If your idea of a good time is some traditionally feminine stuff, you may have to expand your horizons and bond over something else.

If you found this helpful, please provide nudes. MILFs in their 30s are a particular favorite of mine. Other women just don't have the right tummy shape.

maybe your husband know how to have more fun ans your daughter reasonably enjoy it, instead of competing to get family time with your kids, try hanging out with your kids and husband.

>>33389514
I know I might need to meet her where she’s at, and I’ve been trying.
But it’s also okay to admit I wanted to share some feminine hobbies with her. It's completely normal.

And after all...I’m not asking how to parent, I’m asking how to deal with the feeling of being left out

There are a few things you can do to feel less disconnected.

1. First of all, I would let your husband know about this. As the adult, the kids will look up to him, and he will be able to get you involved in the activities. If he involves you, so will the kids.

2. Are you getting involved with your kids interests? Perhaps the kids gravitate towards your husband because he shows interest in your Kid's interests. If you aren't trying to buy-in to the things your kids want to do, they won't want to spend time with you.

3. Just wait. Your daughter probably wants to be like her older brother, and he probably wants to be like his father. As your daughter grows older, and begins to develop her feminine nature, she'll begin to look up to you and need your guidance.

4. Are you doing normal family things? Do you all sit down for dinner together? Do you go on family outings with your family? Do you take your family to church (if that's your thing)? If you don't do these basic family things, your family will not have cohesion, and the less cohesion there is, the more likely it is that someone feels left out.

>>33389555
Thanks, this is actually helpful.

1. I’ve brought it up with my husband a few times, but maybe not clearly enough. He’s a great dad, very involved, and I don’t want to make it sound like I’m blaming him, but yeah, I think if he made more space for me in those moments, it would help.


2. I do try to engage with what they’re into, but probably not as much as I could. Some of it just doesn’t come naturally to me, and I let that stop me more than I should’ve.


3. That’s fair. I’ve been telling myself it might just be a phase, but it’s hard not to take it personally sometimes. I hope you’re right about her growing into it. I’d love for her to want that kind of connection someday.


4. We do a lot of family stuff like dinners, occasional outings, but not consistently. Life gets busy and sometimes we just drift into our routines. That might be part of the problem, honestly.

>>33389463 (OP)
Thats a good thing that she has a strong relationship with her father. Now you need to make sure you don't do anything goofy to break that out of jealousy or whatever you are feeling

>>33389463 (OP)
don't attach expectations to outcomes, especially when it literally comes to matters of life and death. you have a duty to a person who never asked to exist not to resent her because of the perfectly fine, wonderful human being she ended up being by nature. grow up! you are an adult! if you had 10 children and every single one was predisposed to liking Daddy more, you can't dwell on it

>>33389626
I'm not against the good bond with her father and honestly not even jealous, just wish to create a strong bond with her someday.

>>33389546
Again, therapy will do wonders here. Wild how many adults are adverse to this idea. A professional can work through feelings and help you realize what your family values in you.

Most feminine hobbies just feel like work, especially if you're singling her out. My sisters kinda resent how my mom would only ask them to cook with her.

Communication helps too. You can directly tell your husband that you see how great he is with the kids and how you're feeling a little left out. You can directly ask each kid which one-on-one activity they'd like to do with you. If you can give them a blank check, they'll figure something out.

>>33389619
Not the anon you're replying to, but I hope the best for you:

1. Yes, definitely express your concerns clearly, and present him with a well defined compromise. Something straight forward like "Hey, I feel very alone, and it's hard for me to connect with you guys sometimes. If I give you a certain signal, could you make it a point to provide me the proper space to insert myself into your guy's circle?" Hopefully he's alert and patient enough to notice the subtle signal and come up with a good in for you.

2. Hmmmm, this one is tricky, but maybe you could spend some free time studying whatever it is that they're doing. Go online, look up some videos, ask your husband for some tips. And really try to lower your shield during these moments. Learn to laugh at yourself, but don't be too self-depreciating because that'll get old fast. Just try to be loose and don't be nervous because they'll notice it.

3. He is indeed right, they'll start to get "into" girly stuff around 10 or 11-ish, especially as her friend group starts to expand to include more of her peers. Maybe sometimes just have a girl's day, where you conveniently are the only one available to take her to her doctor's appointment, and then afterwards get some mcdonalds and go to a spa or something. Coordinate with your husband so that you guys can be like "Oh, your winter dance (or whatever) is coming up, why don't you go with mom to get you some nice new clothes?". I also gotta ask; I know social media is touchy for kids nowadays, but does she have access to tiktok and youtube and stuff? I'm just saying, but a lot of girls are doing that sort of thing, so if she's the only one "out of the loop" then she'll have a harder time fitting in. Maybe give her a little bit of monitored phone access so that she can grow up to be "one of the girls"

>>33389463 (OP)
>>33389705
4. I would straight up shove things out of the way to make family time an obligatory routine since it's a bit irregular for you all. Maybe every Tuesday you guys go out and get dinner. Maybe not fridays or weekends, because as they get older, they will naturally end up using those weekends for hanging out with friends (unless it's just like a family breakfast or something). Or maybe at the end of every month you guys can go watch a movie, or eat out someplace. Don't even be like "Okay, now every tuesday we shall do this, and every last day of the month, we shall do that", but just discuss it with your husband and just slip it right into their schedule. "Dang mom, why are we going out to eat on a random tuesday? Did we do something good?", "No honey, it's just a beautiful night and we thought it would be fun", and they'll like that spontaneity, then, they'll quickly realize it's every tuesday, and they'll begin to look forward to it like "Mommy, can we go to Blah Blah Blah this tuesday please?", and you can be the hero by being like "Yes honey", ("Yay, thank you!"). Or occasionally, you can be like "Hey, this tuesday, how do you feel about...CHUCK E CHEESE!", and boom, they'll be all like "Yaaaaaaay, you're the best mom!", and you get to be the hero again. Just coordinate it with your husband so he doesn't steal the spotlight or anything, and as your relationship with your kids strengthens, you guys can share that thunder together.

>>33389514
Mark Gungor said it best "Wait Until Marriage"

>>33389463 (OP)
At 8 your little girl is going to love the weird goofy gross shit that boys do, kids are just like that.
She's gonna grow into more feminine stuff and you'll be there to support her where you can.

Plan a day with each kid individually to do something you know they enjoy, make effort to bond with them 1 on 1 on their terms Let them get to know you as YOU, not just as Mom.

You can also plan a day where you take the kids somewhere fun together and leave your husband at home, explain your plight and fill him in on your plan. You get quality time with the kids that paints you in a good light, he gets some alone time to unwind which is solid gold to a hard working man.

Your husband being a close Dad doesn't have to hold you back from being a close Mom, you just have to collaborate, communicate, and take some time to shine.

>>33389463 (OP)
Do more girly stuff with her

>>33389463 (OP)
>>be me, 25 y/o
>>a couple years later, get pregnant again
>>she’s 8 now

Math here don't add up

>>33389463 (OP)
You are probably ugly or mid and your kids resent you and are ashamed of being around you.
Anyway somebody had to breed and raise the next generation of goyim nigger cattle. Most normies will happily step up to the plate and wage their life away for a chance to reproduce. Now you're stuck with the bill until they are young adults. Oh well