How true is this statement? As an incel, it bothers me because the only marker for happiness I can think of is having a girlfriend. I don't understand people who can be happy just by sitting in a lotus pose or going on a hike or something. The emptiness inside is always there

>>33391197 (OP)
I know a guy that is very happily maried for over 33 years. Him and his wife ADORE each other, their kids are amazing, and so on.
he has told me multiple times
>"Happiness is never the goal. Happiness is the side-effect of living a good, virtuous life"
When his wife, who is an angel, is there she adds
>"When I feel unhappy i start by trying to figure out what I am doing wrong. Nine times out of ten just realizing what I am doing wrong fixes the entire issue, other times I have to work on myself"

>>33391197 (OP)
True to an extent, but it varies person to person.
I, in a vacuum, am ‘content’ alone, my life is fine, but was actually happy when in a relationship. That said, I suspect more of that was the fact that I was in a relationship over that I was in a relationship with an ideal person. Like the burden of needing to get in a relationship was removed more than gaining something from entering one. That said, I consider myself very easygoing, and just ‘she likes me’ is really all I tend to ask (this is a very tall ask apparently).
Your emptiness is the nagging feeling of knowing you should be in a relationship but unable to get in one. It becomes much less taxing once you’ve been in one once.

>>33391197 (OP)
Many self-hating people do so regardless of their status in life.

>>33391197 (OP)
It's a lie. It's always the thing people say to make you feel responsible for being an incel, but almost no one is "happy alone" and then get a partner. Everyone have their struggles, that is not an impediment for a relationship. Work on what you can to make you out of inceldom, but don't push yourself to be happy. It might come or not depending on how you decide to live your life. Sometimes it's ok being unhappy with your situation, you are not undeserving if love because of that

>>33391245
Absolutely wholesome

>>33391197 (OP)
You have to have something that brings you happiness besides women, though, right? Hobbies? Interests? Friends and family? Anything. You need to get over your idea that only a relationship will make you happy. It's just not true

>>33391197 (OP)
>it bothers me because the only marker for happiness I can think of is having a girlfriend
Where did you get that idea from?
Having done both, it's absolutely possible to be happier alone than in a relationship

>>33391376
>Where did you get that idea from?
all the normal people I talk to never ask me about my video games or about history or similar shit I care about. They only ever ask me about relationships. This gives me the impression that not being in a relationship (especially long term) is a severely abnormal behavior and I look like a freak. Practically evryone I know of that's my age (early 30s) is married or at least about to be married

>>33391197 (OP)
>How true is this statement?
Generally true, but it's nuanced. You can be happy by yourself, but a good relationship can make you even happier. And obviously, a bad relationship will make you unhappy. Imagine having a loyal, kind gf who uplifts you every day, vs. an evil naggy harpy that cheats on you.
Also, if you are a miserable turd, no amount of uplifting attempts by your qt gf will pick you out of that. At the center of it all, you have to choose to be happy and work towards that. Then pick someone who will help you on your journey.
>As an incel, it bothers me because the only marker for happiness I can think of is having a girlfriend.
This is bad/retarded, but understandable. You've looked at your life and feel like a piece is missing, so you are obsessing over it. I'll tell you this though: with this mindset, there is an extremely low chance you will be happy once you get a gf, and a very low chance you will make her happy or that the relationship will work out. Life doesn't end once you achieve a certain goal, it keeps going. And if you are the type to focus on your wants, instead of gratitude for what you have, you will never be happy.
>I don't understand people who can be happy just by sitting in a lotus pose or going on a hike or something. The emptiness inside is always there
Like I just said, you are focused on what you lack. You need to shift to gratitude, being centered, and accept who you are. And then you build from there, from a place of centeredness, not desperation. This will not only make you feel more "happy" (really, contentedness is what you should seek) but it will make you more attractive to others as sell.

>>33391197 (OP)
>the only marker for happiness I can think of is having a girlfriend
That's very much a you problem OP.

>>33391197 (OP)
>How true is this statement?
100% true.

>>33391306
>but almost no one is "happy alone" and then get a partner.
There are plenty of people who have been happy alone and plenty who were unhappy while in a relationship. The only one lying here is you.

>>33391394
You didn't answer his question anon.

>>33391449
well, I got it from interacting with normal people who seem happy

>>33391197 (OP)
>How true is this statement? As an incel, it bothers me because the only marker for happiness I can think of is having a girlfriend. I don't understand people who can be happy just by sitting in a lotus pose or going on a hike or something. The emptiness inside is always there

It’s true for women. Not for men. This “happiness/love is within” thing is a product of toxic positivity, it’s also highly-feminized by nature. You’ll notice it being passed around like a blunt around women’s circles, self-care circles, by female therapists or other middle-aged women trying to spread their own way of coping. Yknow, like an uppity female teacher who projects shit onto other people’s kids. That type.

It’s good advice. For women. But absolutely useless for boys & men. Because deep down, men know it’s horse shit. Men know that being happy isn’t the end-goal. Being happy doesn’t solve your problems. Actually doing shit to kill the problems, that’s what you’re after.

Men don’t just magically get happy from within out of thin air. They need a purpose and a reason, they need to feel as though they are capable to kill the problems that stand in their way, and then the happiness comes. A man needs a good struggle, because it lets him know he is effective, necessary, potent, and dependable. Especially if he does this for something or someone outside of of himself, for something - like an ideal - larger than himself. That makes a man truly happy. That’s what lets him identify who he is and where he belongs.

All of the “love from within/love yourself” is completely and utterly useless for a man. And the problem with toxic positivity is, if you deny the wacky sentiments, people then try to gaslight you into believing your lack of enthusiasm is evidence you hate yourself or have no self at all. Bullshit. It just means you’ve yet to find a good reason for a good struggle, but once found, you’re thriving.

>>33391394
Usually, people settle down by their early 30s, yes, especially women, for biological reasons. That doesn't mean you have to. It isn't that uncommon for men and in fact it's more curious if a woman is childless and single in her 30s than a man. Many people are also divorced or had a bad breakup at this age and are having a hard time recovering from that experience. And if you seem like a good catch, most women will try to set you up with a single girlfriend or theirs.

What is odd, however, is having never had a relationship before, at your age. People will definitely think there's something wrong with you, especially if you don't have a good excuse for it. They really just want to know why. Honestly, you should make up some shit like "Oh my first girlfriend died when we were 20 and I still love her so I never could move on." Women especially would love that. I would probably just say that if I were in your position, if you just want people to fuck off. Only tell the truth to close friends. Because normies will indeed think there is something deeply fucked up within you if you could never attract a woman for your entire life - don't forget many people have been having sex since they were preteens - personally, I had my first gf in preschool, had a girl ask to see my dick in 4th grade, and lost my virginity at 12. So you can see how a 30-something virgin could seem insane to someone with this experience, and it's a bad idea to be vulnerable, especially in a highly competitive and gossipy environment like at work.

>>33391474
I had a girlfriend for 3 years between 27 and 30. I'm not a virgin or anything. And I don't think that lying is a good foundation for a relationship anyway. If they ask, I tell the truth. imagine having to go through a long term relationship maintaining the lie that someone close to you died

>>33391394
Oh yeah, and you're in your 30s. Stop talking about video games. Especially to women. It's vagina repellent. The fact that you still haven't figured this out in your 30s is honestly baffling and makes me think you probably legit have autism. I figured this out as a teenager, despite being a nerd into strategy games, which I still am. So why are you still trying to talk about video games to normies?

>>33391494
>So why are you still trying to talk about video games to normies?
I'm not. I'm very careful about only discussing their boring ass favorite topics like which store has the best cheese, vacation spots etc. But it feels like I die inside every time.

>>33391452
Well you still drew the wrong conclusions from it. Of course people are going to ask you if you have a girlfriend and not video games or some other shit they don't care about. Why wouldn't they? It's called small talk, and people ask about common denominator things they relate to and assume other people will relate to also.
It's a big leap of logic to go from that to "it's impossible to be content while single and everyone in a relationship is magically happy forever after".

>>33391484
Oh. OP claimed to be an incel, I just figured you were him. One recent relationship is pretty good, you should be honest then and just say you haven't recovered from that relationship, very simple excuse.

And no, you shouldn't lie to someone you want to build a close relationship with. I'm more talking about random cunts asking you. I make up stuff all the time for people at work and acquaintances because I don't want them knowing about my personal life, all they do is gossip and use it against you. But for someone real, then yeah, don't lie.

>>33391502
You shouldn't die inside. Normies like this sort of bland conversation, so give them what they want. Small talk is a rapport-building skill. Treat it like your job. I would also love to talk about strategy games but they don't care so I don't. Try to find common ground to talk about if you can.

>>33391197 (OP)
Well, it's a principle of modern Western philosophy and pop psychology.
The other principles are
1. Be miserable all the time and guzzle pharmaceuticals to cope
2. Go extinct from no birthrates

So try to use some critical thinking to analyze whether that principle is working well for Western societies.

>>33391509
>Oh. OP claimed to be an incel, I just figured you were him
I am him and I am an incel. I'm just not a virgin.

>>33391509
NTA but I suggest trying not lying to random cunts. Do the complete opposite in fact. Tell them every sordid detail of your critical failures and problems, but do it nonchalantly. Then even if they gossip or not, it’s gonna fuck them up if you’re genuinely someone who has their shit together. Because they’ll wonder why someone like (you) who has self-admitted problems is outperforming them. Makes their normie brain glitch out and they can’t put 2 + 2 together. Makes them start questioning why their retarded ‘live laugh love’ mantras contained no magic. Or makes them question why bench pressing a target weight and fucking out of tinder got them nowhere.

>>33391494
>>33391523
>>33391394
Just have buddies you can discuss games with

>>33391549
I have my buds on /v/ of course

>>33391549
.

>>33391197 (OP)
>How true is this statement
completely true for women.

>>33391197 (OP)
This line is very much like "just be yourself" in the way that yes, they are very true, but not immediately apparent way. Once you really figure out what they really mean, then you get it, and you will absolutely live by it. It's hard to get across with words alone, after you experience what these phrases look like, then you can truly appreciate them.
Being happy alone means shedding your insecurities and gaining a staggering amount of self confidence. Your relationships will then be accenting you and enhancing your life, rather than filling a hole in it. Learning to be yourself means to have the confidence in who you truly are, never needing to pretend you're actually something else to anybody ever again, which is incredibly freeing.

It's true. A relationship is like salt in a recipe. If the food tastes good salt makes it taste better, if it's bad ot will taste worse and too much salt will ruin even good food. If you're miserable and you get into a relationship not only will the relationship not help you'll also probably make your partner miserable too

>>33391197 (OP)
>How true is this statement?
It's very true
>As an incel, it bothers me because the only marker for happiness I can think of is having a girlfriend. I don't understand people who can be happy just by sitting in a lotus pose or going on a hike or something. The emptiness inside is always there
Grass is greener. A relationship isn't going to suddenly make you happy. It will make you needy and dependent if you get into one with your current state of mind, however.

>>33391245

They have easy lives, that's why they are so innocent and wholesome. They should try being 5' with a big nose and non existent jawline like me. There's nothing I can work on because I am inherently unlovable.

Being in a relationship is not at all like you think it is. She's going to nag you and you can't play video games anymore. Or have hobbies. Or a life outside of the relationship. Real sex is awkward and you have to do all this shit to satisfy her. I was an incel for 26 years and then this happened to me and I finally realized how much better the absolute freedom that I had before was.

>>33393331
yet you don't dump her
curious

>>33393348
I dumped her about a month ago actually.

The only time Ive ever been happy is when I got my first girlfriend and that relationship. She left me eventually though which is pretty bad to feel. I finally found my best friend, thats what it felt like. We arent together anymore but she gave me the energy and confidence to pursue my dreams which I now have all the freedom and time to do.

>>33391197 (OP)
It's true. I was married for 7 years to my high-school sweetheart and not once was I ever happy. Happiness isn't a permanent state. Aim for contentment and fulfillment. Aim for a purpose, and the women become incidental accessories. I tell you now that I am far more happy driving at high speed in my cars than I am having sex with my gf. Women do not define you.

>>33393331
thats just a shitty relationship. Even my last one which didnt work out was way better than what youre describing

>>33391197 (OP)
This seems like a fair thing to say but it's kind of glib.

Like the psychological effects of feeling like being alone forever is powerful. It's not something you can simply talk yourself out of.

Massive psyop imo (see covid and everyone getting suicidal the second week into lockdowns) but has merit as an idea because creating a dependency on another person makes you weak ie you turn into a mess again if they ever leave

>>33391197 (OP)

This statement is both correct and a falsehood depending on who it applies too. As is the case for virtually every quote - the advice works for the type of person who would say these kinds of lines in the first place.

Many many many people today have narcissistic tendencies and a need to be liked, these people literally cannot be happy until someone else likes them.

Are there some mature holistic and healthy people out there that "be happy perfectly single" yeah sure, but they are a minority.

>>33391454
Good post