>>33391874I kind of know that anon. Im just sick of living in my own country. I feel like a fucking alien around my own countrymen, and I have to live with some stupid decisions I made in the past that cost me a lot. I hate being me and I hate that i have to live with this shit. I hate the fact that I couldn’t serve in my own countries military because of some bullshit that I couldn’t control (medical). I hate that people around me have done things with their lives and achieved things ( gone to uni, have a stable career etc) and i’m still stuck in the fucking mud. At least if i go to Ukraine I can be proud of that, at least I can say I did something with my life and been in a war. How many people can say that? How many people can say they have that experience? If i die, i die. My life fucking means nothing in the grand scheme of things. At least Ill die in land that I have no ill feeling towards, because i try my fucking best to be british, i try to be loyal and do the right thing and I keep getting fucked for it. Why should I be loyal to a country thats not loyal to me? And the funny thing is I used to be patriotic, I wanted to die for this country but then I grew up and I realised I have nothing in common with these fucking people. I drift and feel more like a fucking ghost each day but I'm too much of a fucking pussy to take that next step and do something about it. So don't fucking judge me for this. You don't know what its like being me, what I’ve been through. I hate being me, so if i fucking die so be it.