This past week my GF of 8 yrs broke up with me, but we got back together after 3 days. During that time she revealed she had lunch with her ex BF in 2018 behind my back after I told her she couldn't see or contact him again after she had met up with him previously without telling me. She said she did it because she wanted to make things right and felt guilty about how she treated him during and after their relationship. For context they had been broken up for a year but were still living together when we started dating, but in her ex's mind he thought they were on a break. Long story short she felt she treated him like shit during their relationship and did him wrong when she got with me and wanted to relieve her guilt.

I told her she was still wrong for doing it, regardless of her reason, because she had agreed not to see him again. She said that she would have told me about but knew it would threaten our relationship. She insisted that nothing happened between them and that it was the only secret she kept from me. She assured me that she’s been honest about everything else and had nothing else to hide and from now on she promised to be fully open with me, even if it risks our relationship.

I asked her how she'd feel if I did the same things behind her back and kept secrets from her for years. She said it wouldn't bother her and that what mattered to her was that I made her happy and provided what she needed for a relationship. She told me that whatever I did when she wasn’t around didn't concern her, as long as I didn’t let it affect our relationship. She said I could see my exes, sleep with other women and even have a side girlfriend, and it wouldn’t matter to her so long as I kept my responsibilities, made her happy, and didn't let it impact us. She explained that she grew up in a culture and household where women didn't question what their man did when they weren't around, as long as he provided for them and preserved the family. (1/2)

>>33392159 (OP)
Years ago, she mentioned how her dad had mistresses and side girlfriends, but her mom was fine with it as long as he kept it private. She said she was okay with me doing the same. At the time, I thought she was testing me but I guess now she was being truthful about it. She said that preserving the relationship and peace was more important to her than complete honesty and that women like her from wealthy families have this mindset in general. They only care about being loved and taken care of and whatever else happens in the background or what their man does on his own time is not their concern nor do they care.

Now I’m struggling with how to process all of this. Can I trust her when she says she’ll be honest from now on? Can I accept that she’s fine with me doing whatever I want as long as it doesn’t affect us? After she told me about meeting her ex, I ended up sleeping with an escort out of anger. I was planning to tell her when we got back together, but she said it wasn’t something she cared about and was fine with me doing. I’m not sure what to do now. (2/2)

>>33392159 (OP)
>>33392167
>Can I trust her when she says she’ll be honest from now on?
No

>>33392159 (OP)
>>33392167
No, you can't trust her anymore. Everything you have said about her makes her sound shady. She broke your trust on a major issue and hid it from you. What else has she done that she won't tell you? You'll always have to wonder that. Okay cool, she's fine with you having sex with other girls. Do you seriously believe she won't have sex with other guys? This is likely her way of trying to tell you she wants an open relationship. Those never, ever work for long OP. I know you've been together a long time but don't start living a sunken cost fallacy. Or else you'll wake up one day at 60 y/o with this deceitful whore of a woman you hate.

>>33392159 (OP)
>I told her she couldn't see or contact him
>she had lunch with her ex BF

A casual lunch strikes me as far less problematic than ordering your partner about.

>>33392159 (OP)
To me it sounds like shes telling you she had sex with her ex and she feels guilty, and wants you to have sex with other people because then you two would be "even". Thats how it comes across to me. Also it is kind of weird to outlaw your girlfriend from talking to their ex. If you dont trust them with their ex then you dont trust them point blank. In my last relationship I became friends myself with my girlfriends ex and I trusted those two alone together 100%. However she got a work "friend" that did indeed ruin our relationship and my trust in her. Once you lose trust its over. But I think she probably fucked that nigga tbqh. Its a common thing you see, the trickle truth and hall pass combo. It doesnt look good to me.

>>33392167
Meh, I think what she said is way better than having a monogamous relationship and getting cheated on anyway. At least she gave you permission to have side gfs.

>>33392353
I don't feel comfortable about her seeing an ex who begged her to give him a handjob while she was dating me and would get drunk threatening to sexually assault her if she didn't lock her doors. I wanted to kick his ass but she told me to leave him alone and that he was just grieving the loss of their relationship so I stood down but I told her to cut things off with him once she moved out and started living with me.

>>33392245
>Do you seriously believe she won't have sex with other guys?

She's not really into sex at all. A lot of our fights from the beginning of our relationship were about sex because of how infrequent it was at times. She's told me for years that sex is something she can live without and she only does it to make me satisfied. So no I don't believe she will hook up with other guys because that's really not her thing at all. She thinks women who do that are whores and she really cares about her image and family reputation so she wouldn't do that for those reasons too.

>This is likely her way of trying to tell you she wants an open relationship
She's not a liberal westernized woman. She's very traditional and just wants a normal marriage and kids. She's always concerned and worried about how her family and her culture will judge her so she has 0 desire to shit like open relationships.

>>33392378
>To me it sounds like shes telling you she had sex with her ex and she feels guilty.

If she had sex with him she would have told me that during that 3 day period when she broke up with me this week. Those 3 days she kept talking to me about all the reasons why we shouldn't be together and all the things she didn't like about me. I told her I wanted to make it work and then she told about seeing her ex again so I would be put off from wanting to be with her. I'm 100% she would would have told me she they had sex at that moment because she was really set on us breaking it off for good.

>Also it is kind of weird to outlaw your girlfriend from talking to their ex. If you dont trust them with their ex then you dont trust them point blank.

Her ex did some really weird and fucked up things while we were dating during the time they still lived together like asking for sexual favor and threatening to sexually assault and potentially rape her when he got drunk. I wanted to beat his ass and set him straight but she stopped me and said to leave him alone and that when she moved out she won't ever speak to him again. Pretty valid reasons to not want her to speak with that ex.

>>33392159 (OP)
Sounds like a selfish bitch who thinks about herself. Dump her. Move one. Find someone who actually has common fucking sense. Do you really want to have kids and more retards in the world?

>>33392159 (OP)
She's cheating on you, anon. It's over.

>>33392655
>If she had sex with him she would have told me that during that 3 day period when she broke up with me this week.
You don't know that
>Those 3 days she kept talking to me about all the reasons why we shouldn't be together and all the things she didn't like about me. I told her I wanted to make it work and then she told about seeing her ex again so I would be put off from wanting to be with her. I'm 100% she would would have told me she they had sex at that moment because she was really set on us breaking it off for good.
Literally changes nothing. She has you wrapped around her finger.

>>33392827
I don't see why she wouldn't tell me that when she was 100% set on ending things. We were broken up for those 3 days and she told me alot of other uncomfortable things too. I don't see why she would want to hold back anything.

>>33392655
I have an ex that's done something similar, though with comments and requests for nudes. I don't want fuckall to do with him in that sense and avoid being in any area with him where there isn't an easy and immediate exit or someone else in the room. You know her better than any person here, but as someone that's had a similar situation I know that I didn't do anything at all to jeapordize things with my current partner, and certainly never encouraged the weird creeper behavior. I'd like to think she didn't either, but again, this is on you to decide.

>>33392595
>>33392655
If you want my 2 cents anon, whether she cheated or not, this woman sounds nuts. You say she isn't liberal and doesn't do open relationships. But then you say she's traditional and is okay with the husband sleeping around despite the fact this is absolutely not a "trad" thing to do. Ultimately it is up to you but in my opinion, this woman is insane. Stay far away from people like that. I'd rather be with a sensible, trustworthy broke woman than a narcissistic, dishonest rich girl. No amount of Porsches are worth it.

>>33392827
>Those 3 days she kept talking to me about all the reasons why we shouldn't be together and all the things she didn't like about me. I told her I wanted to make it work and then she told about seeing her ex again so I would be put off from wanting to be with her. I'm 100% she would would have told me she they had sex at that moment because she was really set on us breaking it off for good.
>Literally changes nothing. She has you wrapped around her finger.

OP this anon is correct, this is a manipulation tactic. Think about it. If she makes you the one who desperately wants her back, she has all the power. The relationship restarts on her terms where you must adhere to her rules. She's being very subtle here OP. Pay attention. Ever heard of "if it's too good to be true, it probably is?" A rich girl who would never cheat on you but is totally cool with you sleeping around? Don't you think that's a little too perfect?

>>33392353
> A casual lunch
Lol
Sure thing, randomly calling the ex for casual lunching because she feels guilty about some inane shit
They fucked and you know it, she knows it and OP knows it.

>>33392721
anon is correct.
Women know a man's ego won't allow him to acknowledge she is with other men. All they do is give a man a tiny something so he chases his own tail. He ignores the obvious.
The woman OP wants to believe is his shares her pussy with other men yet OP cannot look behind the door. All these details he's busy with sends him further from what she is doing. Its a feign and it works because men really cannot handle the truth.

>>33392159 (OP)
I feel like if you've been dating someone for 5+ years and haven't gotten married there's something wrong.