I am married 30M to a wonderful 28 wife, and we have a 2 years daughter.

My wife loves me, she does sometimes breakfasts, cleans the house. Grabs me drink when I am not even asking. I can see a huge tone of love from her towards me. And I love her, I've build a nice house for us, I am a main provider, I cook and clean when she wants me to.

But I am starved of sex and cuddles, I am missing hugs and kisses. She doesn't do any of that, unless I start it. And even then, she often has a reason of why not to have a dwx or cuddle. My wife is asexual. Her first time was with me, when she was 25. She doesn't seek intimacy, doesn't want to touch me or kiss me. She much more prefers sleep over a hug, and very often get mad when I hug her before going to sleep.
We are now a month without a proper cuddle, and 4 months without sex. She seems to not care about it, doesn't think about it. When I say the number, she seems surprised... Even mad that I bring it.

It looks like a bad husband life from a sitcome of 80'.

I tried talking to her, and she ensures me she is not asexual... Because we had sex, talking to her and explaining how asexuality works doesn't... Work.

Is there more I can do, what I can say. Maybe supplements I can try with her.

>>33393241 (OP)
That's why they say never to get married.

has she had orgasms?

>>33393241 (OP)
She probably just doesn't want to have sex with you, anon. I know that's hard to hear, but she is being selfish.

>>33393241 (OP)
she isn't attracted to you any more or maybe never was
lose weight and look like you did 3 years ago

>>33393259
Yes she does. I know her buttons pretty well. And she gets pretty strong orgasm's. Where the whole body tightens, you never saw such strong orgasms on porn.

>>33393261
She is a wonderful person. Nice to everyone, doesn't make conflicts with anyone. She is sad that doesn't give me what I need. And she sometimes forces herself, which breaks my hart even more.

>>33393269
I don't think it's my appearance. I am not that bad anyway, I am not a brad bot anyway. But the thing I know it's not my looks, is she never did any girly thing. Never did makeup, never wore rings, neckless or had ear piercing. She told me she behave and look like a boy throughout school. And was never interested in boys or sex. Never kissed anyone and never hold any boy hand

>>33393300
That's fine, but imagine if you weren't attracted to your wife but still loved her. That's what's happening.

>>33393312
Either asexual or closet lesbian who wants a more traditional family life.

>>33393313
She was never attracted to sex or intimacy. I don't see a point of saying, she lost interest in me. I don't think she never had interest in me. From the begining she was talking about having family and child. I think her timer was running late and that's why she decided to meet me.

>>33393343
>I think her timer was running late and that's why she decided to meet me.

So she thought a child could fulfill her and you were the poor sod she used to reach that end but is now contending with that fact that this too is ultimately not what she really wanted OR contending that "this is it , this it the rest of life is about and the party is over"

>>33393241 (OP)
how much do you help out with the kid?

Oh, and one more key information.
She was crazy hungry for sex when we were tying to get her pregnant. And during the pregnancy. Sex every day or second day. And she initiated it.
I think she has s unregulated hormones.

>>33393373
Probably 50/50. And when I am working and I hear she can't calm down kids, I stop my work and run to her to help her. Take a kid, play with her or read somethin (I mostly talk about imaginary stories)

>>33393385
dang, i've got no suggestions then

your relationship is over. after the end of physical intimacy, you slowly lose emotional intimacy. then your self-esteem. it’s tough not to be wanted. then you stop asking and she’ll stop talking to you. you might be polite but there won’t be passion again, you probably won’t even be friends. then you’ll think of ways you can cheat without her knowing, it’ll start small but you’ll do it. Hire an escort. jerk off in the bathroom. fuck her sister. you’re just roommates with a kid. can you do this until you all die? accept it and move on with your life

>>33393362
some people get dogs, some people get kids, ends with divorce either way. Anon should find someone who wants him and not waste another second with this woman

>>33393241 (OP)
>asexual
kek
You are just not attractive enough.

>>33393241 (OP)
Why do women do this?
Same as OP, wife came out as ACE after giving birth to our son.
Decided to accept things as it is and live my life.
After a year she wanted divorce because I no longer make her feel attractive and no longer approach her.
I'm filing for divorce right now.

>>33393241 (OP)
>My wife is asexual.
Then you knew perfectly well before you married her that this is what it was going to be like. So why are you complaining?

>>33396015
Having kids kills intimacy

>>33396112
How?
>>33396110
Not for me.
She was very into sex before marriage.

>>33393379
>She was crazy hungry for sex when we were tying to get her pregnant.
of course. typical case. they just want to make sure you are bound to them, but then no sex.

>>33396172
Because pregnancy, giving birth, and raising a child are exhausting. Idk how people are surprised when they have kids and their sex lives die.

>>33396371
I always thought it was because you already fulfilled the purpose of sex, so biologically there's no reason to have more of it.

>>33396172
>She was very into sex before marriage.
Then clearly she is not asexual.

>>33396497
>>33396371
>>33396423
None of you are married.
And probably virgins.

>>33396172
Sometimes ace people “fawn” which means they try and make the thing end by doing it and getting it over with, or more often they want to have sex with you because it makes you happy and they want you to be happy. So now she just is less interested in you being happy. Leave.

Cannot understand why people who like sex stay in sexless relationships. You're not in a cage. You have a choice.

>>33396991
Not a virgin but i’d never get married and i’d especially never have kids

>>33393241 (OP)
Nice

My wife only has sex to make me happy.
She lets me book escorts and swing so its time to have a chat with your wife. The sex isn't the same but it fills the lust at least. Time to hit up the swingers clubs.

>>33393241 (OP)
>I am a main provider,
dudes act like this is somehow romantic or sensual
ME WORK JOB, YOU GIVE SEX

well i recommend you find a solution to the problem because having your needs neglected will make you hate her and her forcing herself to do chore sex will associate disgust and aversion to your presence.

>>33401427
Maybe that's what I was missing. Before kid, I would make roses out of origami or put candles wherever they would fit.
I will try more next day

Swinging, opening your relationship, or escorts won’t fill the need, that is a bandaid on a bullet wound.

>>33401512
the full truth, the only reason you don’t leave is you are a coward

I’m sorry anon…

>>33402792
Interesting.
>The variation of sexual motivation with duration of partnership is analyzed in data from a survey of German students. The sample of 1865 includes only students aged 19-32 who reported to be heterosexual and to live in a steady partnership. Main results are (1) sexual activity and sexual satisfaction decline in women and men as the duration of partnership increases; (2) sexual desire only declines in women; and (3) desire for tenderness declines in men and rises in women. Because these results are based on cross-sectional data, a longitudinal explanation is precarious. Individual differences in mating strategy associated with the probability of having a partnership of shorter or longer duration at the time of the survey may account for some part of the findings. This possibility set aside, post hoc explanations for the results as reflecting a modal time course of partnership are evaluated with regard to habituation, routine, gender role prescriptions, and polarization of roles. In addition, an explanation from evolutionary psychology is offered, entailing the following ideas: the psychological mechanisms of attachment in an adult pair bond have evolved from the parent-child bond. Due to this nonsexual origin, a stable pair-bond does not require high levels of sexual desire, after an initial phase of infatuation has passed. Nevertheless, male sexual desire should stay at a high level because it was selected for in evolutionary history as a precaution against the risk of sperm competition. The course of female sexual desire is assumed to reflect an adaptive function: to boost attachment in order to establish the bond.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12049023/

mfw sexual advances have not been turned down in over 20 years

>>33394608
this

>>33403790
This implies that if the wives’ sex drive was higher they would leave their husbands, grim

>>33403790
>>33402792
This graph looks to be attempting representation of Table II. The duration of relationship axis should be 36 months, not 36 years. The answer of "wanting to have sex often" never goes below 74% in males or below 26% in females.
I'm not sure what the 60/45/30 means either.

Additionally, the question "I want to have sex often" was asked as following:
>"The statement pertaining to sexual desire was “wants to have sex often.” Answer categories were"
>(a) “more characteristic of me”;
>(b) “more characteristic of my partner”;
>(c) “characteristic of both of us”;
>(d) “characteristic of neither of us.”
>"With this kind of question, the respondent’s desire for sex was assessed relative to the perceived desire of the partner. It did not reflect sexual desire in absolute terms."

So even the researchers admit that these answers could come from the perspective of "My partner wants to have sex more often than me."

Here's data I think would be more relevant:

My notation will be Male Response%/Female Response%
>Coitus more than 7 times in last 4 weeks by duration of relationship
<1 yr=67%/67%; 1-3 yrs=49%/43%; >3 yrs 38%/34%
>Passionate sex in last 4 weeks
<1 yr=91%/93%; 1-3 yrs=89%/89%; >3 yrs 84%/81%
>Wants to have sex often (defined as a response of "me" or "both my partner and me")
<1 yr=76%/65%; 1-3 yrs=74%/44%; >3 yrs 76%/26%
>Just wants to be tender (defined as a response of "me" or "both my partner and me")
<1 yr=70%/89%; 1-3 yrs=55%/89%; >3 yrs 48%/93%
>Sex in partnership not often enough
<1 yr=27%/24%; 1-3 yrs=51%/36%; >3 yrs 51%/38%
>Lack of sexual interest experienced often
<1 yr=1%/9%; 1-3 yrs=3%/14%; >3 yrs 1%/17%


The 80%+ of all respondents are having "passionate" sex in the last four weeks. That isn't a whole lot, but it's miles better than the months/years we hear from dead bedrooms. I really would like to know the gradient between once a month, ~twice a week, and those who have gone much longer.

>>33405171
Thank you anon. This all reminds me of a quote from a pseudo-science book, Practical Female Psychology:
>“This is not much different from what happens with many animal species, including species where the female kills the male after copulation. In the case of humans, this “killing” happens on the psychological level. The killing of human males by their female partners is largely symbolic, but we must also take into account those men who take this process so seriously that they start to destroy their health through the abuse of alcohol or drugs, or start to abuse their partners, or even murder their partners or commit suicide. In other words, permanently-monogamous sexual relationships are not necessarily natural. They are partly a modern, social construct. Or, put another way, they are a social construct, the evolutionary purpose of which lasts for as long as Nature considers it useful.”
Poor men got betatized over time by classic female manipulation. It’s described in the book as 1. Testing the male (being a little bitch to him), 2. Seeking Communication (“please open up to me”), 3. Putting him to work (she then uses his emotional openness against him and starts to rag on about chores), 4. Evolutionary Selfishness (she’s never satisfied, always finding something to complain about), and 5. Self-Determination (“I’m a strong independent woman now, I’m oppressed, you don’t love me”, etc.)
What a grim tale.

>>33405361
I think this is flawed in that it blames the female despite acknowledging the origins in evolutionary biology. The takeaway should be that there is a evolutionary, societal, gender mis-match, right? What’s the solution to this?

>>33393300
>She is a wonderful person
False. Someone whose partner needs cuddles and isn't providing them for them is objectively not a wonderful person in the way someone who doesn't give children sufficient food is not wonderful

Dang that's rough. I have a friend who I think will end up doing this to some poor sap someday. She's ace to the point of being repulsed by sex but she wants to give birth. Any time we talk to her about the steps to getting pregnant she ignores it and changes the subject.

I have no doubt that she will put up with sex for the few times to get pregnant and then never in her life will she do it again. Heck she might even pretend to be into it until she does get pregnant then surprise she's been ace this whole time. She even matches up with the whole no hugging or cuddling. She basically wants no touching at all. I feel for you guys who are missing out on that aspect of life if that's what you want to continue to experience but yea you're just going to have to talk to her about opening the marriage or divorce and move on.

>>33405947
She can be a wonderful person and not a good partner. You don’t have to stay in a relationship just because the other person is nice.