How do you live without purpose?

I'm pretty young, in my early 30s, and was a teacher for quite a while. I enjoyed it but the pressures and challenges of the environment was becoming more and more difficult to reconcile with (being screamed at, sworn at, even assaulted) and had left me questioning things. Well, as fate would have it, I would be hit by a pretty aggressive heart virus that would scar my heart - it's irreparable.

My heartrate skyrockets doing most things. It can go from 75bpm laying down, to 125 standing in just 3 minutes. I get out of breath climbing a single set of stairs. Sometimes it's accompanied by feeling like I'm going to faint.

And through all of it, I'm still sat here wondering if I did anything of value in the world. If I should somehow do 'more,' even though logically I know it's completely unreasonable. And even moreso, I fear being expected to do more, when I know I won't be able to; a government employee claiming I'm fit to work would basically be a death sentence at this point. My previous employer wrote a shitty reference highlighting a number of faults, and for some reason in spite of everything, there's that nagging feeling of 'what if I have to work again?'

Can I really just drift through life doing nothing? I expect people will tell me to take a craft and write something or make something, but I'm exhausted half the time. I want to do so, but I don't know to what ends that would be successful.

Lots of people drift through life doing basically nothing. But if you're unsatisfied with that, then it would be very difficult, yes.

I can't really recommend you any specific path. At this stage you're quite right to question and to worry- Waiting on someone's word like this and not really being able to do anything about it is a horrible place to be in.

I guess the best advice I can give is try to find something that's satisfying to you. Some people just like to learn things and that's enough for them. Some people want to create something. If you need to make money... Well in that case I hope you're able to find something that works, because that's a very, very difficult spot to be in. There's ways to monetize all sorts of activities, and especially now with the internet as it is.

I sincerely hope that whichever government employees are handling your case don't screw you over. If your time left is limited, then I suppose it's time what the best way to spend that time would be.

>>33393329
In some ways I am lucky. The damage isn't too severe, so I'm unlikely to die in the next year, but my long-term prognosis isn't good. My GP said it will likely become a more serious problem by the time I'm in my 50s. It has a pretty big impact on my daily life though.

I thought about tutoring online, but honestly I'm not sure. It's been such a steep hill to climb in life to get here, and now it's all just kind of fallen apart.

>>33393276 (OP)
Myocarditis?

>>33393276 (OP)

hawthorn pills, look it up. dunno if it will help you but it is good for the heart

>>33394705
Yeah, likely a virus. They did an MRI and found scarring.

>>33394794
Will look it up.

>>33395805
Thought so, good news is your young and the state of medicine and medical treatment is improving everyday.

Eat healthy, find out what the minimal amount of exercise you can do is (without provoking symptoms), could be yoga just stick to it, don't drink
and find some sort of online job if you can.

I had pericarditis a year ago and I had the exact same shit, couldn't walk around the house without feeling I was going to die of a heart attack, I
did what I said above and it helped enormously, I went from actively planning to kill myself to actually being able to enjoy life again. The key difference here
is my heart healed with time, yours likely won't and so your playing the long game. Your essentially trying to live as long as you can without making your heart
worse so you can reap the benefits of future medical technology.

Good luck.

>>33393276 (OP)
>Can I really just drift through life doing nothing?
You can. It will be miserable tho. See: literally every post here about people complaining they have fucking nothing.

>>33393276 (OP)
Race of the kids that swore at you and assaulted you?

>>33397380
I guess pericarditis has the downside of being reoccurring. Thanks anon. This is what I've basically been doing, but I'm starting to go spare with boredom.

>>33397423
Yeah, but I know I'll make people sad if I KMS. It's been on the cards longer than this has.

>>33397553
White.