I broke up with my gf on Saturday (both 25 years old). We've been arguing very regularly for the last 1.5-2 years, and eventually it got to me and I didn't think I could do it any more.
I'm her first relationship. We live together and we're on a long lease (cannot move out or find replacements for another 8 months).

She was in tears when I broke the news. She's promised to change. We argued a lot over very minor things, often related to my ADHD - many of these frustrations were understandable, but the reactions were often very outsized (most recently, being lambasted on a bus because we were 30 minutes late to a friend gathering, and then not speaking to me for days).

She's admitted that in our arguments she's usually expected me to change and didn't have to do much on her part, and would be frustrated that I didn't change (hence why regardless of argument I was the one always making resolutions). She's said if I take her back she'll have more tolerance, and will approach arguments with an intent to compomise on her end too.

Other than our inability to handle conflict together she was a good and caring girlfriend. While I was 99.9% certain I wanted to break up, her reaction to it has cast massive doubts in my mind.

>>33395738 (OP)
>ex
they're an ex for a reason, move on

Yes. Try it out and see how things go. Maybe it strengthened the bond between you two.

>>33395749
In my mind, the issues are:
>she was, outside of conflict resolution, a really good girlfriend. Cooked for me (very good cook & baker), cared for me, gets on really well with friends & family, similar values as it pertains to marriage, kids, politics, keeps herself fit, plans out dates and things to do together, etc.
>we live together and the contract for our flat is very specific, so we can't move out for 11 months. It's a one-bed flat with a living room (so one of us would turn the living room into a bedroom), but there's still the emotional turmoil of living in the same space.
If she didn't change, I'd really regret getting back together with her. If she does change, assuming I can get past my subconscious worries about conflict resolution, it'd be fine (I think...). She had initially suggested she remove all expectations for me, or ignoring most frustrations, and I'd worry I'd make an environment where she'd never bring up things that bothered her out of fear of the breakup happening.

>>33395738 (OP)
>>33395783
Both of you want change from one another over things you can not or will not change. Drop it. It's over.
Sometimes good people are not made for each other over something that bothers them.
(The exception is if you are an actual lazy bum and are blaming adhd on being disfunctional. If it is minor stuff and you just need more time and prep to figure out your stuff and mess up from time to time as long as you actually put in effort that is fine and will likely find someone that tolerates that).
Talk to your landlord. See if you can arrange the contract to be scrapped due to the relationship falling apart. Maybe even say you are willing to pay a fee for the inconvenience or settle for subleasing

>>33395783
The guy repeatedly telling you to give up on it is a bitter loser who has never had a girlfriend and tries to convince anyone who does to lose them. Your breakup was only a couple days long and is common early on in younger inexperience relationships, you have to learn to get better. Not like she was sucking other dick or lying to you or in situations that maybe she probably was sucking other dicks unless I skipped over that part by mistake. Arguing and bickering over small shit is pretty common especially if neither of you is willing to wear the pants (neither of you seem to be).

It's worth trying again, but be clear about how things need to be and if she doesn't at least ATTEMPT very clearly to you and get BETTER over time, then leave and stay done with it. This is nothing to end things fully over at this point, but if there's no attempt to change on BOTH your parts then it's worth quitting at that point, but try and see.

>>33395896
I wanted to also add you need to be better at dealing with her getting upset over legitimate things too - you made it so you were late to a gathering, that's on you, take the blame and then explain to her why the way she blamed you impacted you and how you'd rather her handle a situation where she's rightfully pissed off. It sounds like you were '99.9% certain' purely because you didn't want to deal with changing yourself at all either and didn't want to deal with how having another person in your life is - compromise including when it comes to you fucking up and getting "lambasted".

>>33395896
Different people my guy
People break up for a reason. Coming back after a weekend is usually just coping with sadness
>>33395869
>>33395749

>>33395909
>inb4 edited

>>33395913
Oh no, you've said inb4 which proves everything. Now, I sadly must concede, that there are TWO retarded bitter losers who have never had girlfriends. DAMN!

>>33395926
Thank you, I am glad you corrected your erroneous ways
You may proceed with your simple minded discussion, I grant you permission.

>>33395738 (OP)
So... have you actually tried to make things work, as opposed to just throwing accusations at each other? All I'm hearing here is the two of you complaining about each other's behaviour; I'm not hearing anything at all about what either of you has done in order to make fights happen less often, or to make them less damaging when they do, or to improve communication. Given that the two of you are stuck together for eight months anyway, why don't you give relationship counselling a try?

>>33395738 (OP)
I won't read yet another break-up complicated by lease thread, because it's just rehashing the same old "creative" (but not) writing memes.

>>33395738 (OP)
Your relationship there is exactly how my marriage is except the argument aren't as frequent or as intense. Normal disagreements.

Reason I identify strongly with your situation anyway is because like you, I have adhd. And my wife, like your gf, has spontaneous dips in mood in the most bizarre of timing and over things I think are a non-issue.

The reason we make it work is because we allow each other to have those faults. She allowed you to have adhdisms. That means you need to allow her peculiar frustrations or irritability. That sounds backwards I know. But if you allow it, and tell her you allow it, and she has no risk of consequences, she will cool down. A lot.

And you will understand her better, deeper. You will learn some funny stuff about her.

>Because we were 30 minutes late
Like this. Seems like a non issue. To her for some reason it sets her off. It suggests that she is someone who really likes routine and really tries hard for things to go to plan. And when they don't, it sinks her mood. And she sounds angry.

And you with your ADHD, you have rejection sensitive dysphoria. Part of the disorder. It means you perceive criticisms that don't exist. You assume she is angry at (you). She is simply angry the bus is late. That's it. End of.

Next time she and you talk. Ask her. Ask her if she was angry at (you) or just angry at the situation. Guaranteed it's the latter.

Also check if your girl is fem-autist. High chance she is because that's exactly who adhds tend to attract and are attracted to unconsciously. Don't be surprised if she is. Autists mask as 'normies' especially in relationships. If she is, take joy in figuring out who she really is and how she really ticks. You'll love her for it. It's a dopamine gold mine, a puzzle to figure out. One which you end up admiring.