This is the realization I just arrived at.

I am 25 and have spent the past 5 years suffering from OCD because I needed to prove him (and others like him) wrong.

I've seen a therapist for my OCD and we've dug deep. I've reflected for a long time. I just sat on my porch just now, wondering why he made me feel anxious. I wondered if he was a serial killer, if he hated me, why I was so afraid.

The OCD is gone but the anxiety going back to my childhood days remain. I almost dropped out of high school because of the anxiety. I always knew this throughout my entire life, but I never accepted it. Past 5 days, I did rituals because I didn't want to "lose the thread and become susceptible". I needed to "maintain my narrative where I was a winner". If I turned off the light the incorrect way, I would forget how to act to prove my brother wrong.

I closed my eyes just now, wondering why I felt anxious, and I just realized. When he looks at me with contempt, it is not envy, it is not hate, it is not psychopathy (even if it could be). He simply thinks I am a loser.

I accept it. I do not accept his narrative, but I accept that my brother thinks that I am a loser.

If he calls me now, will I call out his name in an attempted power move? No. I will simply respond with, "yes?" This is a guy whom I have accepted thinks of me as a loser now. Why should I even care about what he has to say from now on?

- "What are you doing?"
- "Nm, wbu?"
- "Nm. I was wondering if you want to come over?"
>Previous, would come up with a witty response as to why I didn't want to, but now:
- "Nah, I'm going to eat and head home later. Will be tired."
- "Are you sure?"
- "Yeah mate"
- "Ok, come by if you want to later."
- "Alright."
- "See you"
- "Bye"

This conversation would previously cause me to feel anxiety because I would expect him to talk shit about me for being alone. But now? It doesn't matter what he says. And if I am alone, I might head out and meet somebody. What's it to him?

I currently feel 800 pounds lifted off my shoulders.

My brother has his own issues.

If somebody thinks of you as a loser, they do not want what's best for you. They view you as a loser, not someone with potential. They pity you. Being around them does not serve you, it only reinforces their narrative. You will remain a loser.

Breaking free is the only way you might grow.

Realizing this lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders. It's not that he has a reason to think of me like this anyway. I've proven him wrong already. I'm richer than him. I'm attractive. I'm just alone, because of manipulative people like him. If we become better, they become nervous.

My brother sees me as a loser and that is how it is.

Any advice for me I don't know already?

>>33397354
Honestly IDK why you think your bro thinks you're a loser. It sounds like you think you're a loser and running away from your relationships to find solace. You're unwilling to face rejection because you reject yourself so it's assumed. The lessons of Evangelion are lost on you.....

>>33397439
I am 25. I've known him all my life. I grew up a miserable failure. My father's project and everyone resented my father. They mocked his job, his behavior, and my brother "wanted to save me". He simultaneously did not miss a chance to berate me. He called me a loser and a failure every chance he got. I learned early to give him validation in order to earn his favor.

When I got my driver's license, he called me to drive him to work and pick him up. If I said no, he'd vent to my parents about how useless I was.

This was 8 years ago. Most recently, last year, I talked to him about a rejection I was dealing with because I thought our relationship had changed after he got married. I saw him a few times, talking about my confusion. He insisted I seek therapeutical help, said I was confusing him, and I learned he was laughing about me with his friends behind my back. His friend came up to me and pathetically asked me how I was holding up. That's what made me lose all the trust I thought I had gained in him.

Weeks after that incident, he would call me and ask if I wanted to come over "to drink" (I lightheartedly asked him for alcohol the last time I saw him).

Last week was the worst.

He called out of the blue and said it had been a while. I told him I loved his monthly hoover attempts. Someone who cares asks how you're doing the next day, not a month later. He insisted I come over and I finally went out of frustration for an uneventful evening.

Next day, his wife calls and asks if I want to join them again. I realize they're obviously up to something and I ask if they have something on their mind but "nooo, we just want your company."

I go and they confront me about my behavior (I've done nothing). They ask why I don't want to be around them. I tell them they are acting very confusingly and aren't open about what they want, like the confrontation out of the blue right now. That was when my brother gave me a look of contempt and I started ruminating again.

>>33397489
I've ruminated for two days.

He doesn't hate me. He doesn't want anything of me. There is no master plan. There is no "confusion". They know what they are doing. It boils down to that my brother thinks that I am a loser.

The hoovers are an attempt at "taking care of me", probably on his wife's behalf.

I never needed that of him. I never asked him for it and I never needed him to do it. He chooses to do it.

He needs to pity me for his own sake.

I think a lot of family dynamics that keep a lot of anons stuck are like this.

You can not win the respect of someone who pities you. The game is already over. Accept the dynamic and move on. They will never gain back respect for you. You can't unsee pity. You can doubt your perception, but you will always chase the affirmation. Every chance you get, you will test the person to see if they are pitiful.

It is not worth your time.

Move on and prove them wrong, and don't waste your time with their attempts at proving you wrong.