i was groomed and sexually abused by the same guy from 11 to 16. he was older than me and took advantage of the fact that i was incredibly depressed, lonely, and autistic with no friends. i've been diagnosed with cptsd, dropped out of highschool, attempted suicide twice (@ 13 & 15), developed anorexia, turned to severe self harm and substance abuse, most of those similar related things almost entirely as a result of this.
when i finally got away at 16 i had an incredibly difficult time, but i had already starting coping with this and processing being free of him before that day. he lost interest in me as i got older, mostly starting at 15, and i knew that. whether it was BECAUSE i was getting older or not, i don't know. i checked his social media constantly but after i left everything he ever contacted me on just froze. some accounts were deactivated, some abandoned, but they were frozen in time all the same.
with time i checked less and less. i haven't checked in several months now. it's been years since i left, and i dont think i ever really dealt with any of this but i've been able to push it down and keep it down better and better. thinking about it makes me feel like i'm going to throw up. sometimes i do throw up.
today i stumbled upon one of his active social media accounts.
i can't help but want more than anything to contact him again. i'm not the kind of person that does these things impulsively or would dm him just to scream about how he's evil and should die, i just want him to know. i feel like i need him to know what he's done to me. i've long since given up hope on pursuing anything legally because i've lost the accounts i had then and honestly the whole idea is too much to bear.
is it worth it? what do i do about this? this is going to be impossible to forget. i don't know if i can pretend i never saw it. i'm also scared of him realizing and instantly blocking me. i truly don't know what to do.

Talk to your therapist.

>>33398460
i stopped seeing a therapist a few months ago because i felt it was going nowhere. i'm generally a stable person and wouldn't consider myself depressed or even very troubled at all anymore. this is an anomaly that's set me back into thinking about things i typically shut out. i just don't know if it would be worthwhile to attempt contact and if that's the thing that could put the nail in the coffin for me.

Connect with him and go through the same trauma OR you can be a big girl and realize niggas like this aren't worth wasting your time and health on. Up to you

How do you even keep in contact with an older man for 5 years
This is dumb

>>33398450 (OP)
praying for you OP but dont contact him, you should unironically go see a psychiatrist that can do IV ketamine treatment, it will help you deal with this like nothing else. Trust me
>t. med fag

>>33399102
>addictive drugs will help OP
Kys

>>33399100
im sorry, i dont know what part is confusing you. we kept in touch the same way anyone else would? it was online, if that's what you mean. my parents of course eventually found out and did things like limiting internet time & blocking websites but kids are sneaky and i always found a way around it. even though that also meant being caught more times than i could even hope to count.
>>33399102
my parents actually talked to me about this when i was younger. like, 16/17 iirc. they never went through with it for whatever reason. i think it would have helped then but like i said here >>33398489 i'm doing a lot better now and i dont really think anything like that is necessary. it would probably be beneficial in some way but it seems expensive and i prefer to just try and forget as best i can. thank you though, i really appreciate your consideration and well wishes. <3
>>33399127
this is also kind of a good point. i've never been a junkie by any means but i have abused stimulants and i wouldn't want something that i don't even think is super necessary to open a door i never should have opened.

>>33398450 (OP)
if he had an ounce of humanity in him he would contact you and apologize. I was a dumb teen once. I've done some things I want to kill myself for. I have reached out to the people I hurt and I have been forgiven. I have been told I am still loved. But I still live with the guilt everyday and that is my deserved punishment. If there is more punishment to come, bring it on. I deserve it all. Anything to repent my sins. I don't deserve to have a life, let alone a good life.

>>33398450 (OP)
wait even longer.
DO NOT MAKE CONTACT.
if you still feel this way in a year, stalk him, learn his habits, bring some friends and go beat the shit out of him (while concealing your identity)

>>33399127
ket is fine, only turbo-retards or brits get addicted to it

>>33398450 (OP)
You'd be retraumatising yourself if you message them. The temptation to reach out to someone that hurt you is always a major one but you will always feel much worse after unless they react in just the way you want them to, which they wont.