Basically, I have a coworker who goes out of his way to highlight my mistakes and underperformance either through lashing out on me or trying to make me look stupid.
Thing is I know the answer to this one. I know that with difficult people you have to leave them as they are and forget about whatever they fling at you because you can't please them. I know he's trying to make me feel bad. I'm having trouble actually feeling fully unbothered and applying this knowledge though. I'm catching myself thinking about his attitude after hours and how garbage it is. Is there any way to really let go or have more resilience about this?
I can own up to underperforming, doing better next time, and knowing my own mistakes, it's hard when you're rushed and busy doing other tasks, so slip ups are bound to continue to happen.

>>33399363 (OP)
It is an acquired skill. In the meantime, feel free to vent and bitch, either here or to a friend or spouse. It is healthy to get that stuff out of your system

>>33399363 (OP)
>How to Actually be Unbothered?
Step one: try to.
It's obviously more complicated than that, but your odds of success increase drastically if you actually choose less bothered mindsets, rather than making excuses to be bothered all the time.
>I have a coworker who goes out of his way to highlight my mistakes and underperformance either through lashing out on me or trying to make me look stupid.
Disregard all evidence of his goals, because by choosing to believe those are his goals, you're giving yourself excuses to be asshurt.
Of course, this is fucking obvious if you're trying to be unbothered, that you'll select "Ah, this guy just got in my way without trying again" vs. "This guy's provoking me". The second is a choice to be more asshurt. My guess is you'd rather be asshurt than not be.
>I'm catching myself thinking about his attitude after hours and how garbage it is.
It's also only your problem because you keep crashing into it lol.
>I can own up to underperforming, doing better next time, and knowing my own mistakes, it's hard when you're rushed and busy doing other tasks, so slip ups are bound to continue to happen.
Oh yeah, that's exactly the "It's more complicated than that". But your problem isn't this, it's that you'd rather get obsessed about this rando than dismiss him as an idiot that bumbles into your route.

>>33399375
Thanks for listening anon. It means a lot. He's the type to sprinkle some bitterness or any kind of snide remark into anything he has to say to me, if not, it's always a disproportionate intensity.
I keep on dwelling on why he can't just give it to me straight and plainly because I'd understand him equally the same. I just really despise people who can't process their business themselves without letting it out on others. It's really unnecessary in a workplace.

I sometimes fear it's how I naturally carry myself in person that people feel like they can disrespect me. I'm a slim and friendly type, a little shy, just having to make it work.

>>33399415
>I sometimes fear it's how I naturally carry myself in person that people feel like they can disrespect me.
Do you keep a log of how often they disrespect each-other, or are you selfish and short-sighted?
If this man you're talking about is a trash talker, he'll be a trash talker to other people besides yourself.
If he's "Singling out" you, then that's not his behaviour that's a problem, it's your perception.
And if he's attacking other people too then just team up with them to disregard / get back at the asshole.

>>33399415
Some people just kinda suck, sorry you have to deal with them and don't let it stop you being nice and kind

>>33399408
Thanks for the tips anon. I'm having trouble following along.
I'm definitely trying as you put in your first step.
I don't see myself making excuses to be asshurt because my whole goal is to not feel this way.
I think I'm getting at what you say about disregarding evidence of his goals. Maybe I'm misreading, but did you mean believing he's being provocative would be the mindset to adopt to feel less asshurt? Because in that case I'd be rejecting the evidence, rather than think "this guy got in my way without trying again."
>It's also only your problem because you keep crashing into it lol.
I'm trying not to anon.
>you'd rather get obsessed about this rando than dismiss him as an idiot that bumbles into your route.
I wouldn't say I've been obsessive but he comes to mind. Definitely not to the point of obsession. If dismissing him is ultimately what you're getting at, I'll definitely reinforce that.
>>33399428
>are you selfish and short-sighted
Sorry.. I hope that my post didn't come off that way.
>If this man you're talking about is a trash talker, he'll be a trash talker to other people besides yourself.
>And if he's attacking other people too then just team up with them to disregard / get back at the asshole.
Thanks for bringing this up because it actually reminded me he barked at my manager a few times. So I guess it isn't about how I carry myself, at least not completely.
There's no getting back though because he's an important employee.

>>33399363 (OP)
Don‘t hate the player hate the game

>>33399363 (OP)
Try asking yourself is the criticism aligns with your interests or if it's just others talking advantage of you. If it does align ask if what you did needs the effort requested or whether it's good enough for you. If they request more than you see well enough, insult them. Go to a coworker and trash talk them. Next time he goes up to you make it clear he gives you shit and shows no reward for it.

Your issue is figuring how to use assertiveness in the opportune time with the right intensity, but in summary you have to stand your ground somehow

>>33399363 (OP)
Have you considered stabbing?