I'm very concerned about my relationships with the opposite gender. I feel like I'm being too pushy and open-minded, and as a result, I'm either forgotten or always chosen over someone else. Despite this, I genuinely like the person, and I'm willing to go to great lengths. However, whenever I show any form of attention or flirt, I feel incredibly dirty and fear what others might think of me, even though it's probably normal.

And recently I met a man, at the beginning everything was good, even too much. It was like everything started to work out, but I ruined everything again. Now he is cold to me, and I can't stop acting stupidly, and make any sacrifices, because I can't lose him. Maybe he's cold because of my age, but he didn't seem to mind at first. I wrote him about how I feel, how much he affects me, that I can't even sleep, thinking about him. I don't want anyone to think I'm a promiscuous girl, but I also don't want to feel guilty about expressing these feelings.

I really have a hard time with this addiction, what should I do?

>>33404348 (OP)
It sounds like you anxiously attach yourself to men, you mentioned being pushy + open-minded. So I'm guessing you move fast and you make things sexual or romantic right away when talking to men. And then you start feeling shame or guilt for it, so you end up sabotaging yourself by backing up emotionally and then this causes the guy to get mixed signals and then you double down with affirmations of love or devotion to the guy to try and undo spilling your spaghetti with the guy?

You said it's an addiction, so I'm guessing this is something you've done with lots of guys before? Or are you just saying this one particular guy is addictive?

Either way it sounds like you dunno how to move slow. You learned that sexually appealing to men gets quick and easy attention, and you are desperately lonely and haven't had a fulfilling connection yet, even if you've fucked before, you've presumably not felt loved. So you keep appealing to low hanging fruit, aka the man's sexual arousal, in attempts to hopefully inspire commitment. Then it backfires because if the guy takes the bait, you panic that he's gonna be no different from all the other guys, and you then freeze up or back out. Then the guy gets irritated then you shit yourself you lost your shot at finding love.

This can be solved by simply not giving sexual shit out so early. Let it build slow. Go from there instead

>>33404348 (OP)
There's nothing to feel guilty of if the attraction is real. Express your interest, through flirting signals or whatever you do, and hope for the best. It's simple, don't overthink it.

Post some example conversations too, we have nothing to go off of.

>>33404378
yes, that's true. I haven't been able to get into a relationship for a long time, and now I'm in a hurry to develop one, not realizing that it might be strange or uncomfortable for others. thank you, I guess I shouldn't push people so hard.

>>33404379
I can give you a slightly different example. Well, to be honest, I have a rather strange way of expressing my feelings. I thought I could already trust this person, so I carved a heart and the first letter of his name on my leg and sent it to him. It was really fucked up, but I thought it was a pretty good way of showing my affection. Maybe it scared him?

>>33404412
No problem. And yeah try not to push so hard. Because it comes from a fear of abandonment or rejection. If you push hard, you ironically risk that prophecy coming true; either the man pumps and dumps (abandons) or he fucks off and tells you to scram (rejection).

By going slow and allowing authentic feelings to develop without pressure, your chances of getting what you want in the end becomes more guaranteed.

Those who intended to pump and dump will naturally fuck off, since you don't give quick goodies for them to snatch and run away with. And the guys who want to take you seriously will actually respect your self-value and elect to stick around and aim to marry you. It's exactly why I married my wife, she was a hard catch, didn't give herself away so easily.

>>33404425
It's the self harm that's concerning. You can show your affection for him in different ways that don't involve hurting yourself.

I'd be pretty worried if I was him. Have you been tested for social disorders?

>>33404479
I'm sure I have something that's clearly not right, but I don't have the opportunity to go to a specialist yet.

>>33404508
Please do. The sooner the better. Good luck.