Thread 33404927

Hello, fellow eccentrics. I've just been diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder and am wondering how I feel about it. I'm kind of an oldfag; old enough that when I was at school, and even at university, nobody had even heard of high functioning autism. Nowadays I think someone like me would be spotted a lot younger. But I'm wondering how those of you with a diagnosis of ASD (or something similar) felt when you were officially diagnosed? Positive, negative? Did it change anything?

Okay one gentle bump, and then I'll conclude no one cares. :)

The Autistic spectrum is bullshit. what does a hyper intelligent guy with poor social skills have in common with a non-verbal retard that flings poop at his mum? Nothing, it's a scam.

>>33405275
This is a bit like saying there's no such thing as height, because what does a tall person have in common with a short person?

>>33405275
>what does a hyper intelligent guy with poor social skills have in common with a non-verbal retard that flings poop at his mum?
I suspect that question was intended to be rhetorical, but the answer is actually: quite a lot. They probably both have dyspraxia, for example. They probably both hate loud noises. They probably both interpret language over-literally. Quite a lot of other things.

>>33405275
I was diagnosed as a child, back when “high-functioning” was still called Aspergers. I prefer the aspie label because I feel no kinship or relationship to low-functioners who will never speak a language, communicate through screaming, can’t clean themselves, etc. That’s just a whole different disorder.

>>33405275
Sensory issues. They both don't like dissonant sounds, they both can't focus with a 60hz fluorescent light humming, they both can't stand to wear a merino wool sweater with no shirt on without going crazy.

You're just too stupid to know the actual, very real diagnostic criteria.

OP here. I feel like this thread is getting dragged off topic. Yes, clearly there are rather significant differences between someone with high functioning autism and someone with severe intellectual retardation; also obviously there are some underlying neurological similarities.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about! I'm interested in hearing from people who have been diagnosed with ASD (or some other autistic condition) and in how receiving that diagnosis affected them.

>>33407798
Being aware of my diagnosis made me hate myself more than anything else out of shame and humiliation from being lumped in with freaks. I've had the polar opposite experience of all those late-diagnosed people that will describe it as this big healing thing that leads to self-forgiveness, which I guess is apt since I was diagnosed at a young age.

>>33407884
I'm sorry to hear that, anon. I think people who are diagnosed when older have already been feeling like a freak for years anyway, so the worst a diagnosis can do is put a label on exactly what type of freak they are. I can imagine it might be different if you're young enough not to have appreciated your unusualness yet.

Are you interested in the concept of neurodivergence at all? Part of the theory is that conditions like autism should be regarded as natural human variation rather than as a pathology.

>>33404927 (OP)
Nothing changed. I think those disorders are bull.

>>33404927 (OP)
I got diagnosed at 30, just so I could get on benefits, doesn't really change anything else.

Are you assburgers or the less common asocial horny animal with no interests type like I have

>>33408001
I've heard of the neurodivergent concept before and it makes me cringe, it feels like perverse cope. Autism feels like something that you're supposed to be ashamed of and keep hidden from everyone like AIDS.

>>33408603
>Autism feels like something that you're supposed to be ashamed of
It shouldn’t be like this

>>33408613
What is it supposed to be like? Anytime I've ever "unmasked" around anyone I've felt a deep sense of regret and embarrassment. Unfiltered autism is how you get freaks like Chris Chan.

>>33408643
I mean, it shouldn’t be embarrassing to say “I have autism and it makes me struggle with some things.” Nothing to do with Chris Chan.

>>33404927 (OP)
I felt confused, and then a little excited because I hoped that meant I could fix the problems I was having that led to me being diagnosed (as an adult.) That petered out pretty fast. Overall I'd say it did allow for more positive changes - I could forgive myself for the things I couldn't change and understand them (sensory issues for ex) and for the things I could change, I found better ways to approach. Getting gibs was nice too.

Got diagnosed at 16. Didn't have any particularly strong feelings about it. It gave a lot of answers as to why things were as they are but there was no saving my education at that point so it didn't really change anything. The free gibs are nice though. Also half price on buses and trains.

>>33408710
How do you get over this deep sense of shame that comes with being autistic? It makes me feel fundamentally subhuman and perverse, like I shouldn't have been allowed to live.

>>33407798
For me, it was this big healing thing that lead to self-forgiveness that the other anons described. Diagnosed at 20, 25 now, female.
I was born to an abusive mother who would constantly call me things like retarded, sped, special needs etc. Not for the purpose of being hurtful (when it came to those particular words at least) but out of true conviction. I won't go into more detail about her, but rejection in early childhood by a mother who is supposed to love you more than anyone ever could, emotionally disfigures you. If you disagree with this, then I'm happy for you. I felt like those sickly kittens you hear about whose mothers abandon them at birth. I guess in essence that's what it was.
Add to this having all but grown up on this website and being constantly bombarded by the rhetoric that girl- or woman-hood is tutorial mode and impossible to fuck up unless you've got something truly, royally wrong with you, and a few other things like bullying in school and complete social isolation from peers (my father didn't allow friends in middle and high school so as not to distract me from my education), it was extremely easy to internalize the idea that I was inherently defective.
I found that I was only able to feel like it was okay and safe to be me after knowing exactly what the defect was and that it wasn't my fault that I was born with it. It was an immense relief to finally have a real answer for my life's core questions: what is so wrong with me, is it my fault, and do I deserve it.
It was like finding the key that set me free from the prison of my own mind.
And then the love came, love for the self and for other, so divine and bright that I came to feel sorrow for my mother whose heart couldn't feel it.
Anyway, that's my experience. I do agree with the anon who said that the clarity a diagnosis provides is usually only going to have a profound impact on late-diagnoseds who've had time to think and even develop a need for it at all.

>>33408762
I know why you feel that way anon, especially with “representation” like Chris Chan. It’s not perfect but “neurodivergency” coming into the mainstream I think will actually be a good thing and help de-stigmatize it. More people are public about their diagnoses.
Also I want to clarify that when I say “neurodivergent” I don’t mean I view autism as natural neurological variation. It’s definitely a disability and I think saying otherwise might make it harder for people like us to be taken seriously and get accommodations.

>>33404927 (OP)
My parents discovered my older brother had autism right when I was born so they monitored and got me tested me too. I was thrown into ABA as soon as my parents could do so. Every day after school would be this day in day out routine of doing these stupid tests that I had no idea for why I was doing. Autism was just some weird disease that everyone told me I had. Ironically, all of this treatment just made me more frustrated and made me feel deeply alienated from my peers. I couldn't make connections because other people had a life and I didn't, because I was considered born wrong and needed treatment. It leveled off in my teens but the damage was already done. I never actually had the chance to develop independence and I was scared to do anything. I learned how autism affected me and I was masking the absolute hell out of myself to try to blend in with peers, but I couldn't get close to anyone because I was raised to be deeply ashamed of natural aspects of myself. I couldn't relate to anyone because while everyone else was developing independence normally I basically grew up institutionalized and was punished for lashing out. The internet and my imagination was my only escape to all of this. I was smart enough to go to college but I was only further burnt out from the intensifying masking. I dropped out during COVID, and I've lived as a NEET off of disability while going to therapy since then. I feel like the worst aspects of autism wasn't the symptoms themselves, but how people treated me because of it.

>>33404927 (OP)
Doctors and teachers told me about my diagnosis as early as 2nd grade. My mom randomly told me like it was a big deal and as if I didn't know while I was about to enter high-school.
How I feel about it is just feeling like I will never really have any place.

>>33408060
>Are you assburgers or the less common asocial horny animal with no interests type like I have
I'm not sure. I've had a brief telephone confirmation so far; they're sending me a more detailed written report. I suffer from quite bad depression as well as ASD, which muddies things a bit.

>>33408603
>Autism feels like something that you're supposed to be ashamed of and keep hidden from everyone like AIDS.
I've always seen it as more like being left-handed. It does create some issues - you can't use a regular corkscrew or tin opener or pair of scissors left-handed - and it used to be viewed as something shameful and weird, but nowadays it's not something people pay much attention to. It'd be nice to think high functioning autism will end up like that too.

>>33409522
how did you get disability? my asshole doctor said I wasn't disabled because I could finish college despite being severely suicidal and having autism

>>33408060
So did you just get benefits right after being diagnosed? that's all it takes? I definitely need to get benefits

>>33411171
This happened to me too. Basically, everyone gets denied at first, and is forced to hire a disability lawyer and appeal. Even a paralyzed person in a wheelchair could get denied. Govt will find any reason not to help.

>>33411171
I had to file an appeal and go to a hearing. When I first applied at 18 I was denied and reapplied after I dropped out of college when I was 23. I had documents going back many years, I also had documents showing I was receiving accommodations while in high school and college. I also had documents from psychiatrists and therapists going a while back showing I had consistent issues that employer's couldn't reasonable resolve. I had to get a disability lawyer to help with my case. When it comes to "high functioning" autism especially, it's really easy for the government to just nitpick how "normal" you are and deny it. I recommend checking out this website, especially if you're American: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/social-security-disability/ it has a lot of info that helped me when they reevaluated me this year. Also this list in particular has a lot of good resources for applying for disability: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/2017/03/04/how-to-greatly/

It's not easy by any means, but getting a paper record and a supportive medical team helps greatly with getting disability

>>33411176
No, the processes took between a few months to a few years. I still don't get SSD/SSDI, but I do get food stamps, Medicaid, first the disabled rate transit fare card, then free bus and train rides within the county and low cost disabled rideshare service, and "special needs trust" accounts where I can legally store limited amounts of money while still maintaining eligibility for Medicaid.

>>33411278
>When it comes to "high functioning" autism especially, it's really easy for the government to just nitpick how "normal" you are and deny it.
Yep, basically this. After my first application and first appeal got denied, I just gave up since I had zero documentation before getting diagnosed at 30. The rejections letter said basically 'GTFO you fucking normie go get a job.' In reality, though I'm high-functioning and able to physically do things and take care of myself, as soon as I am faced with having to actually talk to people or move my body through place where there are other humans bodies in my way, my behavior is very abnormal and everyone notices. I used to work in a supermarket which was smy last job I got fired from over 10 years ago, long before I even knew I was autistic. I would guarantee you if they offered to come with me into a supermarket on a weekday at 7pm to just go buy a few things, it would be very obvious that I'm 0% normal and too disruptively abnormal to be gainfully employed.
>My longest job was over 3 years at the supermarket
>Constant complaints from customers and employees about me being rude or some other vague shit
>Boss covered for me because I was the most efficient grocery stocker
>Actually backfires now because it looks like I was a successful wagecuck before my autism spectrum disorder diagnosis

>>33408776
Lady, growing up in this place wouldn't be good for a neurotypical either kek

I found out relatively recently and while I had my suspicions for years, finding out it was for real was odd. More than anything, I find myself wishing it had been done 20+ years earlier, but back when I was a kid, there was zero info out there for it. Growing up it was really rough, and I feel like my life could have been so much more manageable if the resources had been around back then.

>>33404927 (OP)
It gets suggested to me a lot, but I never took the trouble of going to any specialist to get diagnosed.
I personally don't see the point in diagnosing people, or getting diagnosed with, a disorder that we can't do anything to fix and is, essentially, present cradle to grave.

This is just who we are. How we cope with the reality we were born into is what makes us who we are, as individuals. Each autistic person is different because of how we decide to live in this world. Or, you know, some people don't.