Everything we do are just "things". nothing more, nothing less, just things that we do. whether its dying or getting close to it, or playing video games and jacking off, these are all only things we do. they won't have any kind of impact on anything, we just do them. One might say: "But they do matter, think of everything you do as a peice of tile that makes up the mosaic that is humanity, earth, the universe and all things." some might say even less, that we are those tiles, but whole picture is only humanity, and that it doesn't even look good. even if we do make up some grand mosaic, that doesn't change the fact that the things that we do are just that. we are not just tiles, we are molecules made up of the atoms that are out little "things". the fact that each of us individualy do things that spider web their way into some bigger thing called humanity is proof of some higher power.

We still are so miniscule, that to people on an individual level, if one was to spend their life jacking off and playing video games, it could have little to no visible effect on the wider world. but that's the thing isn't it; visible effect. one fuck up spending their days fist fucking theirselves into oblivion might not seem like much, until they're able to tell some other person susseptable to said behavior and it ripples into something like r/gooned, or most of 4chan. it is shamefull to even admit I know of something like that.

I digress,
The things we do are just that: "things", so how do we decide which things to do? which are good, which are bad, which touch a morally gray zone and are therefore accepted as either "wierd" or "fine" but so long as the individual is the only one affected by it. but as I said already, the individual is never the only one affected by their actions. those they interact with; individuals over the internet, real friends, family. all of these are touched either in a positive or negative way by the "things" that we do.

I don't care about the other people who might extrapolate something as moraly ambiguous and therefore "okay" to do and fuck theirselves over. Fuck them. Fuck me. How high minded do I need to be to think of the stupid fucking "things" that I do as casting a stone that ripples into pond of mankind. get a fucking grip. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you.

I dont't like being happy.
To me, happiness is very fleeting. If I am doing all the right "things"(ecercising, eating well, reading, staying away from internet pornagraphy, online shopping, youtube, and all "meaningless" entertainment), I still only feel my own count Ugolino gnawing on the back of my head, my vices will come back, it's only a matter of time. never eliminating them, only ever keeping them at bay.

Happiness to me also means contentedness. I don't feel I can be happy and making forward steps towards whatever higher goal I might have. Without suffering there is is no progress. If you are content, why suffer? just fistfuck yourself until you can't think about whats right or wrong, what you want to do or what you are doing which is violently and relentlesly stabbing yourself in the brain through your eyes. you are the one in the ice of Antenora, knawing on your own skull as a reminder of the fucking filth that you are, though the warm embrace of vice has made it such that you don't feel the cold, nor the teeth. You are so focused upon yourself you don't notice the man tongue fucking your brain through the whole he bit through the back of your skull.

Although I dislike the notion of happiness, contentedness rather, I dislike the notion of vice more. I shall strive to rid myself of these manacles and be born a new free man. that is freedom. not the ability to express oneself in the phyical, but the ability to recognize what oneself is as itself and not as merely tiles that make up a single mosaic, but as something that is [I don't want to say beautiful here as that goes against what I've already said. It also jsut doesn't really work] It's own thing in it's own right. this doesn't mean you are better than anything else or more that anything, just a way to recognize that you what you are, whether that be only a piece of a puzzle or something that could stand on it's own.

fuck you
you are worthless
does anything matter

>>33406938 (OP)
TLDR dude. Stop doing things and start interacting with fucking people. If you can’t, sort that out, then come back to people. It’s all in people. People complete my life, many of them, not just one. Hobbies are extraneous.

a person who thinks all the time...

...has nothing to think about but thoughts