Recently at my job i met a girl who just started working with me who is about 8 years younger than me, shes 21, im 28. Shes cute, single, and judging by her behavior around me might have a crush on me but obviously i have no idea since zoomer chicks are very socially awkward. I just know she follows me around and i make her laugh and stumble over her words. This was so obvious someone else i worked with basically said "yeah but imagine being with someone that young" and i laughed and agreed. But then, i thought about it. Am i living any different than i was at 21? Am i any more mature? The argument over "stage of life" is kinda moot when i am basically a 20 year old in a nearly 30 year olds body.

The way i dress screams immature, the job i work isnt an adult job, i live in a shitty little apartment like a college student. My savings and investments arent impressive. I am online all the time. I have had 8 years old this girl and the friends her age but i am in the same place exactly. I consider this pathetic. In fact, so pathetic and embarrassing i want it fixed before i even think about dating. I want to be a totally different person entirely. But i am not even sure where to begin. I just feel developmentally delayed. I feel immature most of the time.

Would the best thing to focus on be discipline? Fashion? I mean i am writing out all i want to change and its a very long list. I just dont want to keep living like a loser.

>>33410581 (OP)
You can start with small habits, anon, but if the girl likes you, then you should go for it.

>>33410586
Small habits. Ill have to figure out how to break that down.Adjusting my sleep would probably be the best small habit i can do right now. I shouldnt be sleeping tell noon. But as for the girl the only reason why i am not really pushing is because it sounds like she already has a man but they are on and off. Funny enough hes the same age as me but he "isnt serious" where i would totally be down to date seriously and have tried in the past. And she also has some mental issues but that seems to be par for the course with most women today, its more a situation where you find the one who is the least mentally ill and stick with them. Ive only been in two relationships and both of them i got cheated on. And in that regard i think its obvious why, i am not a good provider, i am not mature, my goals are all over the place and only months ahead. I am not attractive either, so i need to provide something to offset that or its going to be common sense and obvious why i get cheated on next.

>>33410581 (OP)
>The argument over "stage of life"
The argument over "stage of life" is retarded Twitter garbage propagated by insecure women and the men who hope to need to impress them in order to get laid. There's no logical reason not to date or fuck someone at a different "stage of life" than you, because then one of you is going to benefit from being with someone who is farther along than the other.
There's a reason girls like older guys. It's not "manipulation," it's not "abuse of power," it's that slightly older guys are (usually) taller, more masculine, more self-controlled, better paid, and more socially established than younger guys, and all of that shit is hot for young women.
In your case, yeah it sounds like most of that isn't true, but don't let neurotic shit like "stage of life" bother you, it's literal propaganda. Just date women, tons of guys in the generations before ours married girls 10+ years younger than them.

>>33410752
> it's that slightly older guys are (usually) taller, more masculine, more self-controlled, better paid, and more socially established than younger guys,

And this is exactly my point. Im not. I am not taller(im shorter than most younger genz guys actually), im not really that much more masculine, im not that much more self controlled, i get paid LESS than a lot of guys her age, my social circle absolutely fucking collapsed at 25 so i have less of a social circle now than i did back then. Sure, its twitter garbage, but my point was that i am basically equal(at best) to a 21 year old, which is embarrassing since ive had nearly a decade to get ahead and just failed to launch. Its not age gaps that bother me, its that i am behind in a measurable and objective way. I just am sick of living like this. I want to be a better person but it really feels like who i am is this.

anyone?

>>33410581 (OP)
>8 years younger than me, shes 21, im 28.
Math is not your strongest subject, I gather.

>>33410581 (OP)
It's great to realize and to want to surpass your shortcomings.

Girls like men that strive to achieve something, that are on the roll, even if your immediate goals now are small things, in time these will add up and you will be ready and confident enough to pursue larger goals.
Pursue her but focus on bettering yourself.

>>33412425
I realized this after i posted it but figured it wouldnt be a big deal lol

>>33412447
Ive taken a lot of hits in the last couple years that has absolutely destroyed my confidence. I feel like if i pursue her the result will be the same as any other time i have tried to date, either i get rejected, or i get cheated on or left quick. I just dont think i offer enough but it feels like i never will. I guess ill hit immediate goals but i still feel very immature. Like who i am is immature and its the reason why i cant find anyone because what would happen if she got pregnant? Could i be a father? Probably not.

This is so broad I doubt anyone has a for sure answer. Sounds like your parents fucked up in raising you

>>33410581 (OP)
Maturity is defined by NOT just doing whatever you feel like in the moment, and doing things that your future self (or others) will be grateful for.

Set some goals, no matter how small, and make baby steps to achieve them. Could be anything. Along the way you will learn some discipline and delayed gratification.

That's literally it.

An immature man can't do anything because he just wants to play vidya, scroll bullshit online and watch porn. He lets his current mood and whims dictate his life trajectory - nowhere.

A mature man has goals and works towards them. He does things that take effort because they are in his best interest long term, not short term.

>>33410603
If she's seeing someone and it "isn't serious", I would advise that you avoid her. That sort of thing is just a waste of time (at least for me). I'd you have the desire to date seriously, recognise that she clearly doesn't - she is literally doing the exact opposite right now.

I guess you could TRY, but go into it with your eyes open and expect her to be seeking a short-term thing.

>>33414394
From what it sounds like it's the guy more than her. She wants a relationship but he doesn't.

>>33414388
This is great advice I'm going to try to implement it

>>33414388
Do you have any advice on finding goals? I've been aimless for years now after my computer science career path completely died. I don't know what else to really do since I basically live on the computer. I've been working low skill jobs since I left high school as a result

>>33414514
Join the military

>>33410581 (OP)
>is it le creepy weird pdf file behavior for two adults to be dating?
No.
>Would the best thing to focus on be discipline? Fashion? I mean i am writing out all i want to change and its a very long list. I just dont want to keep living like a loser.
maybe just get into something social and make some friends.

Flirting with a girl, dating, having sex - that's the easy part.

The hard part is when she wants you to come hang out with her friends, and then she wants to hang out with yours.

Don't try to juggle 12 things at once trying to improve everything that's a fun way to get overwhelmed and give up when you barely started.

Do you have anything in common with her as far as hobbies and lifestyles go?

Like is she a goth chick or sporty girl or muslim or what

>>33414492
Classic

And she's alright with that (clearly) be ause she keeps giving herself to him despite not getting what she wants in return

Will comment later

>>33415287
>No.
Again i dont think this, but others do. If she is old enough to drink shes an adult. Any arguments about if she is or isnt is retarded.

>maybe just get into something social and make some friends.

This is so difficult to do. I just dont care anymore. Like i make friends here and there but actual socializing and keeping up with it is exhausting especially when i work so much.

>Flirting with a girl, dating, having sex - that's the easy part.

Not in my experience, its basically never been reciprocated. What i want is the total opposite of what everyone else wants. It seems like a majority of people want me totally alone relationship wise and to completely reject any attraction i have to anyone and basically live as an asexual aromantic and i dont want to do that.


>Do you have anything in common with her as far as hobbies and lifestyles go?

We are both kinda introverted. Other than that, not really. Its just been over 10 years since ive had a girlfriend. I would actually be fine being single forever if being single wasnt mentally painful and heavily plays into my self image of being useless and ugly. Especially when theres guys like the manchild i mentioned who gets girls while i have to either pay for it or suck it up and hug my pillow. No one else really seems to have this problem with loneliness it seems because no one has a solution. A hug from a girl immediately brings my mood up and i can literally feel my stress melt. But, it has to all be mental. There has to be a way to get that feeling without another person.

>>33415295
Exactly why i am hesitant to even try. Not out of rejection but just getting hurt again. I have to work my ass off to get what he gets effortlessly for nothing. Sure, maybe she sees me as better, but if that was true i wouldnt be posting right now. We would be cuddled up watching a movie or i would be getting my dick sucked and neither is happening. Plus dealing with another mentally ill woman isnt something i want to do. I feel like my chances of getting cheated on is nearly 100% here and that if a relationship even happens which im doubtful of since she gave her virginity to this guy while i get conversations, She has my number, she doesnt really give a shit. Only if i offer enough then women would give a shit but even then, would it even be worth it anymore? Yeah, i am going to resist the temptation to flirt with her and try to make something thats not possible happen, i just want to be with someone so badly i have never been in a relationships really and i cant even imagine how it must feel.

>>33410581 (OP)
7 years isn't that big of a gap. 20 is fully grown for a women. anything past 18 is completely fair game. the only reason age gaps are shamed nowadays is because of the huge amount of young male incels and old millennial femcels. they want to shame men so they have less competition, that's it.

>>33416888
Im aware. I wasnt agreeing because i thought the gap was "wrong" more that my coworker was saying she was immature, and i was like yeah, im totally more mature and put together than she is. Then i stopped and went, wait, no, no im not. I really am not. I am the same as i am now as i was at 21. I have been stagnant for 7 years.

>>33416894
people only become mature when they have a reason to. your male ancestors were mature earlier because they had to be, they got married and had kids when they turned 20. You being 28 and being as mature as a 20 year old makes sense when you aren't doing things mature people "should" do. If you don't want that then you don't need to do that, just live how it makes you happy

>>33416916
This is a really good point. I just feel very behind where i should be. The being single and having a low status job thing really feeds into this. I just dont feel like an adult at all.