I'm looking for guidance on a personal and embarrassing dilemma of mine. I'm a woman in my late 20s and for about a decade, I've had what could probably be described as a fetish for receiving oral sex from a man. Not only have I never had it, I've never had any kind of sex. I'm completely serious.

My dilemma is whether or not to try to make the fantasy a reality, and how to get to that point if it isn't a stupid wish better off buried and moved on from. The reason this is such a problem for me—if it's so simple, why not just hook up with a guy who likes doing it?—is that I'm not attracted to men at all except for this specific scenario in my imagination, and I have all the usual hang-ups female virgins have about needing to get to know and trust someone before being ready to have sex for the first time. I'm extremely introverted and I have low self-esteem too. I rarely initiate or maintain relationships and the relationships I do form, I keep at arm's length. I think I'm basically socially normal on the surface though. I've never been abused or traumatized so I don't know why I'm like this. Despite these things, I get hit on IRL weekly so I'm probably acceptably attractive to a decent amount of men, no change in level of attention from my early 20s so far, but I'm not anything special either objectively speaking.

1/?

>>33442013 (OP)
2/3

I sometimes contemplate men as a sex partner solely under the condition that they enjoy giving oral, but even if I think yes I'd let him if he wanted to and we got to that point, a normal heterosexual attraction never materializes out of it. I don't find anything else attractive about men in the way that normal straight women do. Instead the thought of being intimate with a man conjures up a mix of conflicting emotions. When I imagine receiving oral, it evokes feelings of warmth, affection, adoration, safety, and connectedness for/with my hypothetical partner—of course it's a turn-on too, but that's not all it is to me. But when I think about any other kind of intimacy with men—their bodies, body hair, fluids, kissing, having to touch a penis, being penetrated—I feel only repulsion, aversion, guardedness/defensiveness, and fear—it's as far from arousal as it gets. I know from experience that even very mild penetration is physically and psychologically upsetting for me. I've never wanted PIV. Knowing what I know now, I would never consent to trying it. I don't hate men. I don't think they should be made to feel ashamed of normal anatomy or sexuality, especially from someone they're having sex with. It's lack of attraction that makes me feel this way, not hatred. Despite what it may seem, I care about "his" pleasure in the limited ways I could give or facilitate it. It's an integral part of the fantasy that he enjoys it and that I do what I can to get him off too.

>>33442019
3/3

I guess what I want (or think I want) is a FWB with a normal guy (not a criminal or an addict, practices safe sex, is mentally stable, employed or in college, hygienic, nice, between 20 and 40-something years old, it's okay if he's a little ugly below average) who knows well in advance what he's getting, is into it, respects my boundaries, and understands that I need time to get to know him and become comfortable before we try anything. And I think that this is probably an impossible request. It's ridiculous and unfair to ask for that much and only be able to offer one measly thing in return. I know how selfish it seems, even though it's not my intention to be. It's something I can't change. I know I could never make a real, long-term relationship work and so I don't ask for one.

But the other part of me wants to know what it's like, and I know that I'm only getting older and less and less likely to find a willing partner. So I have two questions:
>Is it worth it to try or would I be setting myself up for a big mistake? For all I know I only think I want this, and if I got it it'd be underwhelming and I might backpedal before even getting that far. And the last thing I want is for someone to hurt me when I'm vulnerable.
>If it is worth trying, what's the best way to find the right guy? It's essentially casual sex with a consistent partner that I'm looking for, but I'm not the kind of person who can rush into sex, clearly, so it's the downsides of waiting and none of the rewards of a serious relationship. It's completely justified that for the vast majority of men, my desires are untenable and incompatible with theirs. They deserve to know that ASAP. I just don't know how to navigate any part of it.

Lastly I just want to put it out there that it's not on my mind THAT much, and I'm not a gooner. Even for a woman, my sex drive is extremely low. I suspect with a partner it'd be a little higher though. Anyway.

Thanks in advance if you have real advice.

>>33442013 (OP)
>>33442019
>>33442024
You're a lesbian. This is why you're like this.
>but I'm not!
Yes, you are.
>but I've thought about it and
Didn't think hard enough.
>but I'm not attracted to --
You probably are, you've just sublimated it or repressed it somehow.
>BUT I'M NOT--
Sooner you admit this, sooner you can get your pussy ate.
>okay so what do I do
Find a woman and get your pussy ate.
>how do I do that
I don't know, I'm not a woman.
>ugh this isn't real advice
Yes, it is. I'm just not phrasing it like a limpwristed faggot would.
>how do I even know if I'm a--
We both know you've heard of the lesbian masterdoc.
>but what if I do all that and then I'm not attracted to --
What if TikTok was called DickCock? That'd be wild.

>>33442013 (OP)
If a woman in her late 20's told me she never had sex, i'd smack her in the mouth for lying, how does one even achieve this?
>>33442019
>I feel only repulsion, aversion, guardedness/defensiveness, and fear—it's as far from arousal as it gets.
Don't you think that this is your calling for somethinge else? Instead of running away from this degeneracy you try to embrace it, you try to fit in despite hating it. I myself am a virgin at 21 and i even took an oath not to talk to young women for a year to reflect on my degenerate lifestyle, and i can tell you - do not engage in degeneracy, destroy it.
>I would never consent to trying it. I don't hate men. I don't think they should be made to feel ashamed of normal anatomy or sexuality, especially from someone they're having sex with.
Once you admit that there is something morally wrong from using sex merely as a tool for pleasure and i'd say that you're about 2 inches from embracing Christianity, look at Our Lady, Mary, she would never consider engageing in this either and today she is venerated by billions for her virtue.
>>33442024
I guess what I want (...) is mentally stable, employed or in college, hygienic, nice, between (...) who knows well in advance what he's getting, is into it, respects my boundaries, (...).
Now you're overconstraining what people will see as a casual act, you're making a big deal out of it which reminds me of incels on men's side. There is a movie about this exact phenomenon called The Piano Teacher, but the difference between the protagonist there and you is that you still have a chance to break free of trying to fill your sexual urges and run from them which is a right decision. May God help you...

>>33442048
Came here to say this

I was in this situation as a male. She was really happy to have met me but moved away for family reasons. I was fine with keeping sexual activities to just oral, and it wouldn't be all the time. Any time we hung out, I would have 0 expectations that it would end in sexual pleasure, and it allowed me to just hang out as friends every time. If we did it, great, if not, we still had fun watching anime or arcade or food or whatever. We were good friends for like 2 years before she moved.
She "said" she was lesbian which is why she didn't want to make anything official. And that's really why I didn't pursue very hard either. "Okay she obviously has some shit going on behind the scenes so I'll just let her do whatever and I'm here for the ride".

I'll say that you should not hold your breath, there are hardly any men that would tolerate this. I'm sure you're aware, but most men would either want more or get out when you declined. I'd personally suggest giving up.

>>33442235
>If a woman in her late 20's told me she never had sex, i'd smack her in the mouth for lying, how does one even achieve this

except we exist. I am a woman who’s 27 and never had sex before. I’m not ugly or fat just never been interested in having sex.

>>33442048
>>33442279
I wanted to follow up and say I went and read it and every section sounds a lot like me. I don't know what else to think or say right now.

>>33442013 (OP)
Almost certainly your best option is to hire a male escort. Obviously he will do exactly what you want and nothing else.

>>33442048
>You’re a lesbian for wanting to have your pussy ate

you’re probably the dyke who tried to convince straight women into becoming psychotic lesbians.

>>33442013 (OP)
Don’t listen to retards who call you a lesbian for wanting your vagina licked or how you fear penetration or sex with a man. That shit isn’t too abnormal. Especially since you’re a virgin.

It isnt a hang up for wanting to trust and feel safe with your first time. Thats common sense. You’ll be surprised that many men enjoy giving oral to their woman, I give my wife head multiples times a week and have done for years.

She was also afraid of penetration at first, especially given the size of my penis scared her from things. We took it slow, gentle, and at her pace. Lots of lubrication, and she had a safe and reliable ‘please stop’ pass to let me know to stop and we’d always stop. She was allowed to cry or feel initial shame without judgement, and eventually she got better and more relaxed and we enjoy sex all the time now. She is at the loint where she grabs at my penis aggressively to shove it in herself when she gets really excited when we kiss while im on top.

She grew into loving sex and all that was needed was patience, care, and plenty of mutual trust. You are right to want trust, thats exactly what is necessary.

Trust takes time to build. So dont worry about all this sex stuff till you got a few months in with a guy in the confines of a serious relationship.

Dont go for FWBs or casual shit. The men in those hunting grounds are only there for pussy and an orgasm. They wont give two fucks about your pain threshold or your comfort level.

Im pretty sure almost every man will want a bj in return.

>>33445183
Nope. I just really wanted to eat pussy for the pleasure of eating pussy. Its not super rare or special for a man to do this for a woman he cares enough about. No need for bjs or sex in return, wasnt some gay sociopathic transactional shit. Just avoid transactional-based bastard mockeries of relationships. Its for spergs and psychos. Functioning humans reciprocate and do reciprocal affections not transactional.

>>33442013 (OP)
>>33442573
If you want a genuine answer - I remember going on r*ddit on R4R back in the day, the sexual version, and I saw women who post to receive head and men who oblige them. This exists, and you can set expectations ahead of time that you won't reciprocate. I remember a lady also following up on the story and saying how much fun she's had. There were several other stories exactly like this.

Like everything on the internet I know you can say Its cap, but this was 2015 early internet before AI, and reddit was much easier to use and mega popular, and this happened with multiple women. There was even a reddit at some point JUST for women who want guys to give them oral and most of those ladies wanted to give nothing back.

If you're willing to stoop that low you can do it, I'm just warning you you will DEFINITELY find desperate and sleazy guys, the search won't be easy. Its better if you just search for an asexual boyfriend.

>>33445106
Were you her first man that she was scared of sex? Usually women get excited when they hear about large penises. Anyway, it sounds like a good relationship. How long did it take for her to start enjoying sex? How does it look like now and how did you survive the times when sex wasn’t an option?

>>33445106
Does she blow you in return? I can’t imagine giving an oral and not getting the same.

>>33442013 (OP)
>>33442019
>>33442024
larp
ask me how I noticed