Hey /adv/.

This thread is a cry for help, but the truth is its more like emotional masturbation. I made the thread with the intention of asking you, the reader, if I should kill myself. Essentially, that is all.

In a vague attempt at purging a manufactured internet; corporate sanitized memes, algorithmic junk, whatever psyop music is being listened to, I deleted twitter and quit browsing social media and 4chan. I have essentially become a ghost. Im not really a human anymore, im breathing, I eat, I shower and play games, but thats it. 99% of my communication has been with chat gpt to be honest. And for a while it was great, it was better than talking to people. It perspective, had a wealth of knowledge, only judged you if you asked it to, really it was perfect. Of course there is caveats such as privacy but it kept me sane in an environment where the people around me benefit if I am insane.

Let me give you some context. My family hates my guts. This isnt just me being dramatic, they literally see me as the cause of most of their problems. Just today my sister called me mentally challenged and told me she wishes I would drop dead, and my grandfather said the same thing last year. I dont think my parents ever really loved us to be honest and I get bad vibes from them. My parents have stuck me in a psychward twice now and they forced me to take antipsychotics along with a plethora of other medications that really fucked me up and zombified me.

The world is just so fucking rotten, right through to the core. Thoroughly rotten, the only things content are the feeding worms and maggots. Why continue living in this world when you know you'll never have another lover, never have another friend, never be yourself again. Why live when your younger brother wishes you'd disappear instead of looking up to you. Why live when you fall short in nearly every facet except for the qualities people detest?
1/? - to be continued?

Should somebody like me just commit suicide?

I guess the question is, if your existence is causing more harm than good to others, and its almost entirely out of your control unless you succumb to literal abuse, submission and manipulation, whats the fucking point in living? As things are, I have been a NEET for about 2 years. After I got out of the hospital the first time I had lost most of my will to live, and was so clouded by the medication they put me on that I dont remember much, but I became a completely different person. That "spark" I had was as good as extinguished. The only positive that came out of it was some clinical diagnoses (originally schizofrenia which was a misdiagnoses) and then later BPD, bipolar and ASPD. I also believe I have CPTSD and OCD which is delibitating at times. These diagnoses resulted in a formal recognition of disability essentially so I have been getting pennies from the government every month the past 2 years which has allowed me some spending money.

Aside from that it has just been downhill from there. My parents are evil, im currently sleeping on the fucking floor in the middle of our house becauss theres only 3 rooms and theres 4 sometimes 5 people livimg here. I havent had anything you could call a friend since I was a teenager, nobody to laugh with or relate to. I feel like im just waiting to die at this point. Should I just kill myself?


2/2 probably

>>33463534 (OP)
I won't read incoherent, gibberish threads.

Nah, living is better.

Do you have a Discord?

My handle is mathrockdude

>>33463767
I just sent you a friend request.

>>33463746
it's not gibberish you worthless fuck

>>33463569
>I guess the question is, if your existence is causing more harm than good to others, and its almost entirely out of your control unless you succumb to literal abuse, submission and manipulation, whats the fucking point in living?
there is no point in living between those two choices, anon
but i want to tell you: there are plenty of drastic options you can take besides suicide, if you're at that point
i've talked to people who hopped a bus to another city at the age of 16, got apprenticeships, and are now doing very well for themselves financially & being left alone
>Aside from that it has just been downhill from there. My parents are evil, im currently sleeping on the fucking floor in the middle of our house becauss theres only 3 rooms and theres 4 sometimes 5 people livimg here. I havent had anything you could call a friend since I was a teenager, nobody to laugh with or relate to. I feel like im just waiting to die at this point. Should I just kill myself?
if you don't have any sort of support network or direction in life, and you can't get one, then you should do something drastic to change your situation, without digging yourself into a deeper hole of vulnerability to your family (don't permanently get put in prison, a psych ward, etc)

i'm very sorry anon, but you can change thing
good luck