I've been struggling with myself since a breakup I had almost a month ago.

Since age 11, I've been looking at porn and masturbating. At 19, I lost my virginity and began dating non-stop throughout my 20s. Not going more than a few months without fucking my LTR at the time, one after the other.

Now that I'm in my 30's, I'm realizing that all we've been doing is masturbating each other, it was all the pursuit of lust. I may have met their parents, talked about what our babies' names would be, but all of those girls were on birth control before they even met me, and wouldn't get off unless we married, which I could barely consider doing in my 20's, being a broke college student and post-college.

I feel like I wasn't able to accomplish anything of note besides a bachelor degree, a good job that I've lost. I've had so many dreams of creative projects that I let fall on the floor throughout these years. Worrying about my girlfriend/ex girlfriend, thinking of where my next pussy was going to be, or if I'd need to use my hand.

I'm in my mid-30's now and my libido isn't as high, I've dated 2 girls in their early 20's in the past couple of years and I tell them I want to marry. One said yes, but it didn't work out,.

The last one, the one who broke up with me almost a month ago, told me she wasn't ready for such a serious relationship and wanted to focus on her studies. Which I half believe, she is very dedicated, and it made me starting thinking about how I haven't been nearly as dedicated, and that I want to become as dedicated as she might be. She said she loved me deeply.

How do I break out of this sexual prison? I have a business I've been trying to start, an art project I've been trying to work on that will be shown in an exhibit, but all I can think about is hitting the street and finding my next woman, or going on /gif/ like I have been for the last 16 years.

Am I thinking too deeply about it?

>>33463738 (OP)
Kill yourself, please.

woman are supposed to get pregnant from their first boyfriend
birth control totally fucks them up, and it fucks up all the woman in society

that's your answer
society is just fucked

and with your dating history you have nothing to complain about as your part of th eproblem

>>33463759
Why do you say this?
>>33463763
yeah I know society is fucked, but where do we go from here?
I'm not saying I'm not a part of the problem, I have had sex with 10 women, 5 were LTR, 5 were hookups. The hookups felt horrible afterward, like the worst fap of your life. There are guys with double, triple my numbers at this point, but they seem unphased.

>>33463759
>go to /adv/
>get told to kill yourself

Man I love /b/

bumo

>>33463738 (OP)
Men are retreating, from relationships, from institutional demands, from collective obligation. Not by cowardice, nor nihilism, nor weakness but by sacred refusal to collude with a world that has hollowed out the feminine into parody and severed eros from its mythic root.
This retreat is not a conscious movement toward soul, for most men have not heard of soul. It is not a deliberate descent into myth, for most don't remember the myths. And yet it happens, everywhere.
Men retreat not in search of the feminine within but in search of refuge. They turn away from real relationships, work, education, not because they hate women, but because the outer feminine devoid of beauty, of function, of soul has become unrecognizable and if given a choice between emptiness and the parody, they choose emptiness. They choose nothing rather than violate what remains of their inner integrity.
But it is there, in the void, that the great possibility stirs.
Even if they do not name her, do not know her, have never met her, still within that emptiness, the anima awaits.
She does not need to be reimagined, reengineered, or "updated". She does not ask to be made familiar to the modern psyche. She need only be seen. Once. As she is in the dark, without distortion, without irony, without demand.

This act of remembering is enough.

Because where culture collapses, myth re-emerges and where men descend into the silence beneath language, soul prepares its next eruption. The anima was never meant to be found in daylight; she is born in shadow, dwells in dream, and speaks first through absence.
So let it be said: true virtue is born in darkness.
And when men meet her there not as escape, not as fantasy, but as a reawakening they will return. Not as obedient citizens of a broken world, but as bearers of the fire, as visionaries, warriors, poets, and builders, not of new systems but of meaningful life.

This is not disappearance, it's gestation.