The last 2 years I've been spiraling into a depression to the point that now I barely eat or go outside and nothing feels amusing anymore. I tried texting my friends to maybe start a conversation but they ignore me or something probably think I'm anoying. I've been paranoid thinking cameras are watching me my sleep schedule is destroyed, I'm worthless. I would have rather been born as a girl, I've cut myself. I want to kill myself so badly the only things keeping me from doing it are the pain, I'm scared of dying and what if I fail, I don't want to be locked up. It will only take me going over the edge a little further and I'l do it, I don't care about how sad my relatives will be I just want to not have to live like this and I'm scared to ask for help because it seems like the end of the world.

Seems to me like you're looking for someone to convince you not to do it, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this on 4chan. What exactly is stopping you from asking for help?

>>33466704
I'm scared my life will fall apart, like my family will know and they will be worried or I will be hospitalized under the mental health act or whatever.

>>33466941
That's the point of family - they are there and want to help.

I'm 29 and I've come to learn that you don't experience immediate fixes/breaks in life. A seed is planted and it can take time. Right now, through fear, you are sewing destitution by not fending off maladjustment by interacting with the world - and trust me ignore the negativity the world really wants to interact with you. Your family is a good place to start.

>>33466611 (OP)
>I'm scared of dying and what if I fail
People are checking out at an alarming rate, also webm related.

>>33466941
Okay, so it's either
>You get help, your family finds out, it's a huge deal but you'll eventually live through it
or
>You stay depressed for the rest of your life and kill yourself
Those are your choices.

>>33466611 (OP)
Go to a psychiatrist and get medication

Also suicide helpline helps

>>33468511
They probably won't care, when I was 8 or 9 I told my mom I didn't want to live anymore and she got angry saying I shouldn't say these things and then later my mom mentioned it at a family gathering and they all laughed about it and said I didn't know what it meant, but I fucking knew damn well what it meant.

>>33467606
>People are checking out at an alarming rate
Any info backing this? I thought it would be less, it can't be that bad right?

>>33469592
>less
lol good one