>>936274467
>>936274718
"Folks, I’ve called barbed wire matches, casket matches, and one time I saw a man wrestle a grizzly bear in Tulsa—but I ain’t never seen anything as nauseatin’ as what Troy is doin’ right now!"
>Troy waddles into the ring, baby-talking like a possessed Teletubby, rubbing his belly and whispering nonsense into the turnbuckle.
"Listen to him! ‘Huffa huffa boota’? What the hell does that even mean?! This man is an abomination—he shouldn’t be near a ring, let alone civilization!"
>The lights hit, and Ric Flair struts down the ramp.
"AND HERE COMES THE NATURE BOY! WOOOO! Ric Flair’s not just fighting for legacy tonight—he’s fightin’ for common decency! For every child, every parent, every soul that ever had to hear Troy speak!"
>Flair steps into the ring and immediately looks like he regrets breathing the same air as Troy.
"Look at Flair’s face, King—he is disgusted! I haven’t seen a man this revolted since you tried gas station sushi in Amarillo!"
>Troy licks his fingers and tries to grab Flair’s robe, moaning, “Baba boota needs a cuddle...”
"NO! DON'T TOUCH THE ROBE, YOU FILTHY GOON! That’s a $10,000 custom-made robe! Flair looks like he’s gonna throw up—and so am I!"
>Flair snaps. He slaps the taste out of Troy’s mouth, chops him down to the mat with the force of a thousand angry fathers.
"WHOOO! THAT'S A CHOP FROM THE GAWDS! Flair’s not just beatin’ Troy—he’s purging him from the ring, from the Earth, from the record books!"
>Flair locks in the Figure Four. Troy squeals and farts like a demonic toddler.
"FIGURE FOUR! BY GAWD, HE’S TAPPING! IT’S OVER! Flair did it! FOR THE CHILDREN!"
>Flair rolls out, refusing to celebrate, robe stained by proximity alone. He spits on the ramp and walks off like a man who just took out the trash.
"Ric Flair just saved the world from another Troy tantrum, and I don’t care what anyone says—he deserves a damn medal for that one."
