>>936301809"Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you we’re once again backstage with—well, whatever’s left of him—J-Tard, who suffered yet another... incident in the ring tonight. J-Tard, what happened out there?"
"I’M BASED! THEY STALK ME! THEY'RE HERE 37 HOURS A DAY! AND THEY’RE ALL PEDOS, GENE! EVERYONE IN THAT LOCKER ROOM—TODDLER LOVERS! EVERY LAST ONE! That’s why they conspire against me! ‘Cause I SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER!"
"You were disqualified for throwing your... plug... at the referee. Again."
"That was a STRATEGY, Gene! I fell on purpose! It’s called BASED TACTICS, and you wouldn’t understand because YOU’RE IN ON IT TOO YOU PEDOPHILE CUNT!"
"In on... what?"
"The anti-J-Tard alliance! The dirt sheets! The podcast pedos! All jealous ‘cause I’m BASED! I’m drippin’ with it!"
"You are, in fact, dripping. It's... it's green."
"Battle wound. Real men leak. Cowards heal. You think Flair could survive my phimosis fungus?!"
"No... I think he'd call animal control."
"I beat Beady! I beat Troy! I doxxed them! I own 4chan! I heard the bell, Gene! I saw balloons fall! I looked in the mirror, and I saw a CHAMPION staring back! A BASED CHAMPION!"
"You fell out of your chair and started spraying faeces and pus all over the ring. The crowd threw up."
"THAT WAS A MIND GAME! I was selling it! I WORKED ‘EM INTO A TRIGGERING! That ref? PEDO. That timekeeper? PEDO. That guy who mops the floor after I ooze on it? DEFINITELY PEDO!"
"I can't do this anymore. You need a hazmat team, not a rematch."
"I AM THE BASED QUEEN! I AM UNDEFEATED! YOU’RE ALL JUST JEALOUS! CHECK THE ARCHIVES! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!"
>He wheels in circles until his wig falls off. His chair tips and he lets out a high-pitched grunt, staring blankly into space.