Since I was young and discovered the internet, I've fallen into rabbit holes and more rabbit holes, each time reaching increasingly extremist and isolated groups.

I feel like I've never been able to grow up or have a normal life. I live conditioned by the opinions and positions of other people online, even those of people who consider me a subhuman by default who should die (with arguments to back it up). I've mechanically imposed their views on myself and limited all my positions, artistic tastes, or lifestyles that I should or shouldn't live based on those communities and their rampant criticisms.

I feel like i can't just go out there and pretend I'm normal when there are people out there arguing that my entire gender, or my religion, or my political orientation should be crushed to death? It's so pathetic that i'm so obsessed

The only solution is to kill myself because I'll never live a real life, but like everyone else who says that I'm a coward, and that won't happen. I have knowledge that I regret knowing, and I'm anchored to all of this. I'm still relatively young, I should feel alive, but I feel like a sick old man. I hope I have a fatal car crash that gives me lifelong amnesia or just kills me.

>>936329977 (OP)
Sounds like something you should be telling a therapist

>>936329977 (OP)
Congratulations you’ve grown up. You’re now self aware.
Those things happen irl too.
Find something else. Find a hobby like fish, hunting, hiking, cycling something that gets you outside. Something you can learn a skill, the teach someone else later.
Go hitchhiking or hop a train. Have an adventure in real life. What do you have to lose besides some comfort.
Learn how to be uncomfortable.

>>936329977 (OP)
filtered, gg, better luck next roll

>>936329977 (OP)

This is obv not word for word but in buddhism there's a story about a guy who wants to know if the universe is infinite or finite so he asks the buddha, but the buddha refuses to answer so the guy threatens to leave the monastic life. The buddha says to the man "suppose their was a guy dying of a poison arrow but the man refuses medication until he knows what kind of poison has afflicted him, what kind of arrow hit him, who was the archer, etc. By the time the man would have gotten his answers he would already be dead"

When you let needless questions get in the way of your health, both physical and mental, you hinder your growth. Yes those questions would be nice to know but those questions should be put away until we are in the right state of mind to answer them first

>>936330200
just kill yourself

>>936331000
Lol, why?
What did I do?

>>936329977 (OP)
Poeple dno't eevn realzie how fcuk'n ignrant thai wood bee without internets.

>>936332183
I remember when you had to ask people if you wanted to know something, and they always lie

>>936332303
In a world full of deception,
>knowing basic truths about reality is like a super power.

>>936329977 (OP)
Double Dubs 9977
There will always be people who love and hate you. You have chosen to focus on the hatred, internalizing it as though it were absolute fact.
You failed to see even if you are part of a certain racial group, you are still an individual, and that group you belong to ultimately does not define you. You own actions and merit, along with your own choices are what define you.
>I feel like i can't just go out there and pretend I'm normal when there are people out there arguing that my entire gender, or my religion, or my political orientation should be crushed
That's truly sad, but has nothing to do with the internet, or any other media. That's simply an excuse you tell yourself in order to not try.
You seem to be scared to try.
Again, there will always be people who both hate, and love you. Even in your own racial and cultural demographic. Why then should you allow their opinions define you, and limit who you are?
You seem intelligent to me, but lost in your own sense of self-pity too.
You're better than this, and no-matter who you are, know I have faith in you, anon.
>I have knowledge that I regret knowing, and I'm anchored to all of this.
>but I feel like a sick old man.
Sounds like you're experiencing the human condition through the mind of a wise man. To live is to suffer, but we can choose to limit our suffering on our journey through this world.
>I'm still relatively young,
Decide to let go of your guilt and desire. Decide to move on, and make the best of what you have.
It helps me to take time daily in order to express my gratitude for the good in my life, even if it's only shelter, food and clean water.

There's no reason to blame others, or yourself. Accept what has happened, then part with the feeling, and let the past remain past.

>>936330200 digits
>>936330419
>>936333447
This is apt advice.

The only thing that ruined your life is you

>>936329977 (OP)
The internet didnt do shit.
Grow up and take ownership of your life.