>>936596330 (OP)First off, this is why weed hits you so hard when you quit.
You're not just breaking a habit, you're breaking a coping mechanism. Weed was your crutch, your escape hatch, your reward system.
Strip that away and what’s left?
All the noise, pain, and frustration you’ve been medicating. That’s not weakness that’s withdrawal and your nervous system recalibrating.
Second, hating yourself and your cats isn't proof you're broken and can't succeed it's proof your brain is scrambling. Your dopamine is shot. Your tolerance is wrecked. You're feeling everything raw and unfiltered, which is why it all feels unbearable.
Third, the suicidal thoughts? That sounds like your brain looking for the fastest exit. That’s the addiction talking. It’s trying to bargain with you, make you relapse by making the alternative seem worse. Don’t listen to it. You are in pain, but pain lies.
You failed attempt #1? And So fucking what. Most people don’t get clean on the first try. Or the second. Or the fifth. If you’re still getting up to try again, you’re already doing more than most. This is attempt #2, that means you care. That means there’s still a part of you that wants a better life.
Last thing: stop waiting to “feel better” before you quit. That’s ass backwards. You get better because you quit not the other way around. It’s going to suck for a while. I know.
But That’s just how it works. But it does get easier. You just have to out-stubborn your own brain for a few weeks.
You’re not alone. You’re not worthless. You’re in withdrawal. That’s not forever. Keep going.
Seek therapy man I know it's dumb but it will help if you're open and honest