I want to be alive because there's some stuff I enjoy doing, but I hate being alive because my brain makes me sad and scared and I respond negatively to a lot of stuff that is considered normal by society.

Just wanted to say this. If you'd like to reply some advice or words of comfort I'll appreciate and reply you back.

do you take care of yourself? 90% of bullshit can be fixed with a healthy lifestyle. the other 10% can be treated with therapy or groups like AA. it sounds trite and gay but it's true.

>>937146837
Hmm, I've heard that before. But my brain has been permanently ruined after psychosis. I'm also dumb.

Only medication can keep me standing. Speaking of which, I should get new ones/higher doses

stop being gay

>>937149285
Wut

>>937146656 (OP)
To struggle and suffer for the things you want to do is to live. Climb while you live.

>>937149744
>To struggle and suffer for the things you want to do is to live.

The struggle and suffering I go through (which is mostly mental), take away my enjoyment of life. You can't fully enjoy life when you're mentally ill.

>>937150274
>The struggle and suffering I go through (which is mostly mental)
sounds more like emotional suffering to me

>>937151846
>sounds more like emotional suffering to me

I feel very little emotions

>>937151911
>I respond negatively to a lot of stuff that is considered normal by society
>I feel very little emotions

Weird question. But do you run naked around the streets, and stuff?

>>937151911
>I feel very little emotions
that's what i mean

>>937152026
>But do you run naked around the streets, and stuff?

No. I hate socializing. Not that I consider this some type of socialization, I just hate going out.

>>937152036
But there's no feelings to suffer with.

I feel sad because my brain tells me so. I just want to feel ok. Not even happy, just ok is fine.

>>937152172
>I just want to feel ok. Not even happy, just ok is fine.
it's clearly not fine if you're feeling this way....you need to be more serious and honest with yourself about how you feel

>>937152358
>you need to be more serious and honest with yourself about how you feel

I don't understand what you mean by that anon. I always tell the truth about my feelings and I automatically do self inquiry as I go. I'm not afraid of thinking "I'm feeling this way. Why?" and then coming to a conclusion.

No, the sadness I feel is purely physical (brain chems).

>>937152172
>I just hate going out.
Where do you live? If your place has arcades, try going into them. And I don't mean ticket farming arcades. I mean real one's. With rhythm games, or something along the lines.
>>937152574
>No, the sadness I feel is purely physical (brain chems).
Have you ever tried drugs?

same boat anon. i suffered an allergic reaction to citalopram back in 2018 that ruined my brain. 10s of thousands of dollars and 7 years later i'm still trying. i hate having to rely on benzos from my psych and the anxiety that comes with being attached to such medications. the docs dont even know what rly happened to me or why i was put on anti depressants to begin with. i miss being normal and i miss weed lol. i guess take solace in the fact ur not alone. maybe we're all still young enough that eventually there will be a brain reset button. wish u all the best

>>937146656 (OP)
How has your childhood experiences reflected on your modern day outlookl I thought of something today that we have a certain reverse nostalgia because our everyday experiences are mostly boring that we cannot enjoy the times that are enjoyable. On the political side we obviously live in a reverse communism in which scarcity is promoted into your qualia until you pop out and live jn the same hell which you tried to escape

>>937153141
Ditch the anti-depressants and keep the benzos of weed. Smoke outside until they forget about you. Trust me

>>937152574
>I'm not afraid of thinking "I'm feeling this way. Why?" and then coming to a conclusion.
>and then coming to a conclusion.
that's the problem, try to stop yourself from coming to that conclusion, because when you're depressed, the only conclusion your mind will come up with is, "i'm sad, i don't feel good, i hate my life" etc...
this might sound fucked up, but try to see yourself as a submissive, brooding bad boy. if you can do this, you will feel more confident about yourself, and your depression will not bother you as much.

>>937153008
>Have you ever tried drugs?

No, and I won't. I'm under medication.

>>937153141
Thanks for the reply, anon. :)

All the best to you too.

>>937153852
I'm not sure I understand, anon.

>>937154223
I don't know if I'm depressed.

>>937155453
>No, and I won't. I'm under medication.
Same. But, a little bit of weed won't hurt anyone :D

>>937155453
>I don't know if I'm depressed.
trust me, you're depressed. do as the other anon said and smoke some weed, the more the better.

>>937146959
>my life sucks
>"have you tried changing your lifestyle?"
>nah, that's too much work
Some people just love complaining, don't they?

>>937157490
>Some people just love complaining, don't they?

Yeh