I sure do fucking hate existing.

>>937152930 (OP)
have you tried MDMA?

>>937153041
I have not, if anything I'd like to head in the opposite direction. I've relied on weed and alcohol for vastly too long and they don't do shit anymore anyways.

>>937153271
take MDMA trust me you won't want to drink or smoke and you will feel better

>>937152930 (OP)
yeh. watch some movies with your family. they're all that matter now. all we have is each other.
>>937153041
also do MDMA

>>937154763
I feel like it'd just be another stopgap measure, I see all sorts of people turn to heavier drugs around here and they all turn into zombies. Hardest thing I've tried is LSD a few times and it wasn't really my thing
>>937156637
Being around friends or family is kinda draining if I'm being honest. I enjoy it but it feels like work, not something that chills me out.

>>937157078
>not something that chills me out.
it's not necessarily about interacting though. sometimes i can just find comfort by being in the same room as them, while they do other stuff. i can't live on my own though. if everything stays where i put it, it freaks me out. our species aren't adapted to live alone. feeling them there is enough sometimes, to feel like they're there for me if i need them. and in a weird way i do. but that's just me.

tl;dr do whatever it takes to make it through. all any of us can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. thats cool though. i stay drained all the time now. i can't rest, like i can't find anything to make me feel rested. eating does nothing, movies do nothing, i can't sit. the world keeps me in literal unrest. feels like everyones raw rn and i bet your family could use you in the room.

>>937157446
Only family to speak of is my mom and brother. I live with my brother so I'm around him all the time, I go hang out with my mom usually at least once a week but simply chilling together isn't an option, she wants to sit there and have a conversation for like six hours straight and I just can't handle it most of the time.

>do whatever it takes to make it through

But why though? I keep pushing forward somehow but it's so goddamn pointless. I explicitly remember telling myself at 17 that I'd kill myself before I turned 18 but at 32 I'm still kicking around, still wishing I didn't exist. Nothing is better and I feel like I lose more of myself every single day.

sometimes i think wtf is other people's problems. if you have ANY money at all then why are you not enjoying life? go fucking dirt biking ffs. but these last couple years have done me in. I'm basically over the hurdles like I'm doing okay now but at this point I really dgaf about anything

>>937153041
I took mdma once I don't feel less like hating my life I think I just had a lot of sex with my (ex) wife when I was on that shit
Is there like a safe way to have an ego death or something? Is that what you're suggesting? I'm tired of feeling this way

>>937159624
>why are you not enjoying life?
I ask myself this all the fucking time. I feel horrible guilty for being so fucking depressed all the time cuz realistically I have an okay life I guess but any time I try to do anything to make things better it just feels viscerally wrong and I feel even guiltier, like being okay isn't something I even deserve.

idfk why I'm whining on /b/, shit is just hard to keep contained anymore

>>937159853
I suppose that is tough. It does seem dumb to do some stuff like hiking. You gotta find your approach to life like some people like to skateboard, maybe you don't but you do like to film things. A lot of people who do supposedly good things are freaks like just imagine anyone choosing to do anything like wanting to be a psychologist

>>937152930 (OP)
Nice. Try kill yourself.

>>937160249
I've got a lot of stuff I enjoy but none of it distracts me anymore, the negative thoughts always take over and I lose the focus required to do literally anything. Any sort of remote fantasy about maybe fulfilling a dream or aspiration is met with disgust and shame like I had just daydreamed murdering a bunch of children or something, the concept of getting my shit together just feels so fucking wrong. Iunno what I did to myself to make me hate me so much.

>>937160301
Had a pistol to my head last night, if and when I stop being a pussy and pull the trigger you'll be the first to know.

>>937152930 (OP)
>mios dio

>>937161429
I am a firm believer that there is such a thing as too much booty, especially in illustrations and animations. This is a fine example of that.

grandma says it is worse when you are useless

>>937161555
Can confirm, I've been useless for years and it's made shit exponentially worse.

Also checked.