>>937480996
It was supposed to be a simple mission.
Naruto and Kiba were tracking chakra disturbances near the outskirts of the Hidden Leaf — reports of strange energy, unfamiliar scents, and… something else. Something foul.
“You smell that?” Kiba asked, crouched low, nose wrinkling like a dog sniffing rotten ramen.
“It’s like… like if mold learned how to talk.”
“That’s not chakra,” Naruto muttered. “That’s a vibe.”
They pushed through the overgrowth — and there he was.
J-Tard.
He was half-sunken into a broken swivel chair, surrounded by a constellation of spilled snacks and frayed ethernet cables. He had one sock. His shirt said “Shota Queen.” He pointed at them with a shaky hand, grinning through cracked lips.
“Ninjas… I’ve studied you. I am you. Believe it!”
Naruto froze. “Did you just—"
“Don’t say it,” Kiba whispered. “Just… don’t.”
J-Tard began to spin. Slowly, then faster. The chair groaned like it had seen things. He made a sound like a fax machine having a nightmare. Kiba’s dog, Akamaru, hid behind a tree.
“I’ve reached Peak Basedness,” J-Tard said. “I’m operating on quantum stats. My power level is a palindrome.”
Naruto backed up slowly.
“This is worse than fighting Orochimaru in a haunted sauna.”
Kiba turned to him, eyes wide.
“Let’s just seal him in a scroll and pretend this never happened.”
“Agreed.”
Moments later, there was a poof, a flicker of chakra — and silence.
The forest was still again.
Except for a faint, greasy circle where the chair had been.
