Thread 939528027

Why do kind men almost always turn out to be manipulative?

I thought they were a better alternative to nice guys, but now I'm wondering if they're worse. Nice guys tend to be superficial and simple, while kind men are often great at lowering your guard and easing you into whatever abuse they have mind. Kind men are often better at floating under the radar, at making people feel safe and free from worry, and better at subtlety and self-efficacy, which is what makse you lower your guard.

And this is what so often makes the inevitable abuse so much worse. How it slips in over time before you can react, how you can never pinpoint when it started exactly, and how by the time you finally notice, the damage has already been done (and never leaves you)

Kindness, genuine kindness, seems to be another facade

here's a funny image to help you get through this emotionally turbulent larp

>>939528027 (OP)
you eitha a mopey ass nigga, or dis anotha bait thread
keep yo answa to yo self - idgaf nigga!

>>939528027 (OP)
Abusers mask their abusiveness so they get what they want? No shit.
What you're calling "kind men" are just "nice guys" who can do the long con.
Everyone is manipulative to a degree because people are all damaged in some way. Always have a backup plan and trust no one until you know what their damage is.

>>939528027 (OP)
Maybe someone slowly got sick of your shit.

>>939528638
That's another good point, people don't usually know where their own flaws lie and they're shit at communicating for the most part. Even the most legitimately nice people have breaking points. Maybe OP is shitty, maybe the person they were with is. Honestly? Chances are they both are.

>>939528875
well, op is talking about something that happens to a lot of women: manipulative men. and kindness is among the most common manipulation tactics used (as people fall for it more than manipulative niceties). so the chances are in her favor, while >>939528638 is typically the kind deflections abusers use when being called on their behavior

>>939528875
This.

>>939528027 (OP)
Doubt you'll get much sympathy here, OP. Most people here can't even get as far as finding someone who'd be in the position to abuse and take advantage of them.

>>939528027 (OP)
I disagree with this wholly. It's all the same fake "nice guy" shit that has always existed. Some are just better at it than others. I don't get how people keep falling for it again and again. It's a safe bet that if a guy describes himself as a "nice guy" it almost always means the opposite. You've got to see how he really is. How he treats his friends, coworkers, and the people around him. It's not something that you can see after two or three dates. It takes time. But everyone wants to rush in, then bitch and make sweeping declarations about how all men are abusive assholes when it turns out that "nice guy" was just another one. It's like that experiment where they shock rats for picking the wrong food, but people just keep getting shocked.

>>939530877
>I don't get how people keep falling for it again and again.
Because people often try to find a sense of *guaranteed* security in places where it often doesn't exist
It's just not something they can ever let go of, no matter how many times it backfires in their face

>>939531216
People need to learn that if it seems too good to be true, it is. Nobody is completely selfless in this world.

>>939531216
I get that, and it's something that can be worked out in therapy. Once it reaches the point of hate and generalizations, they need to look and see what behaviors of theirs are contributing factors.
>>939531360
I get this. I think it's more of the same generalization shit. Anything a man does that a woman doesn't like is seen as abuse or a micro aggression. Men are looked at through the most impossible filters.

>>939531874
The world, especially in terms of dating, is shit at the moment.

>>939531936
I can't even imagine. I've been with my wife for 17 years.

>>939532048
Got married 2 years ago, my wife and I were dating for a while but she was finishing off her masters. We feel like we were some of the last people off a sinking ship with the horror stories we've heard. People seem incapable of making proper connections nowadays.

>>939531874
>and it's something that can be worked out in therapy
this is not a therapeutic issue, nor is it what therapy is for. wanting guaranteed safety, even though the reality of which couldn't be further from truth, is the mind working as intended, while the opposite of which would be the mind working abnormally

>>939528027 (OP)
Kindness is a luxury belief no one can afford in the gynocentric world women brought forth. Enjoy it, it's only going to get worse from here.

>>939531936
>>939532126
People still think that dating has only *recently* become shit (even though romance (for the most part) has been a minefield) huh?

>>939532239
To be fair, I guess I've been lucky. Relationships for me were few, but tended to last.

>>939530877
This. Best advice I can give OP is watch how he treats staff/animals/kids or any others with no power over him, That's where they drop the mask.

>>939532126
I think it's been an issue longer than that. There are too many people from broken homes. Our concept of love, relationships, and family come from our own. Especially in the first 5 years of our lives. It doesn't help that there are an overwhelming number of people offering toxic relationship advice, and passing it off as credible information.
>>939532175
Cognitive behavioral therapy is exactly designed for it. The persistence of dating toxic people stems from internal sources. Self esteem issues, dopamine seeking behaviors, bad habits. All of which can be addressed through cognitive behavioral therapy.
>>939532550
I instantly think less of a man if he walks through a door with someone behind him, and doesn't hold it open. Regardless of who the person is. Even as a man myself, I can see that red flag flying. It's not the biggest, but it definitely checks a box.

>>939528027 (OP)
shut your head hole, foid

>>939528027 (OP)
Everyone is manipulative is some type of form.
Some people are just more precise.
There are billions of people on Earth. Keep looking. We're not all bad.

>>939533792
Could be a fag, anon. No women on the internet and all that.

>>939534074
I don't even try with guys. I gave up being bi a long time ago. "I just want a nice guy to take care of me, and be supportive." Turns to getting cheated on in record time. It's not even worth the effort. Male or female, what they really want when they say "nice" or in this case "kind" really means they want a doormat.

>>939528027 (OP)
Kind and abusive different kind man stays kind

>>939528027 (OP)
This post made me realize I’m just like this and I didn’t even know

>>939528027 (OP)
Depends...

"Nice Guys" with a TM are only nice because they feel that niceness is the only way they'll get whatever they want, and they throw a fit when they don't because they falsely feel entitled to everything...


... ACTUAL guys who are genuinely nice do it for no reason at all. It's just the right thing to do for them, because they'd rather treat others as they themselves would want to be treated back. There's no alterior motives.

>>939534242
Then they want you to prove it by listing all the kind things you've done. Pretty much just to call it bullshit, or otherwise shame you for it.

>>939534392
Again not kind abusive

>>939534388
Really makes them rage when you're a Christian. "To try to understand all the way He understands us. To try and accept all the way He accepts all of us." Legit had girls walk out of dates the second they found out I'm methodist, and I'm active in my church.

>>939534434
Could you define "kind abusive" for me so I can hear what you're saying?

>>939534542
I think he forgot a comma
"not kind, abusive"

>>939534573
What did you see as abusive about my statement?

>>939534714
I see nothing abusive in what you said, just saying I think >>939534434 forgot a comma, that's all.

>>939528027 (OP)
Because you assume most men function like you when in reality most men just want to fuck you and keep it pushing. So you equate long con strategy to being nice. That's why other guys can spot this shit damn near instantly if a guy is just being nice to fuck you.

>>939532126
Yeah I wouldn't say you're lucky clown. Marriage is still for the long haul and you'll never know when your wife will tire of you and what she'll do when she does. Every idiot whose married always thinks he/she has the golden goose.

>2 years
I've had basic ass relationships that were longer and it still ended, you're still firmly in honeymoon phase.

>>939538059
>YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU'RE FRIEND ZONED!!!!
I don't even bother anymore.

>>939538206
Shits clear as day anon. Orbiters and women are the only ones with their heads in sand

>>939538206
That's literally how the feminist agenda was started: the term nice guy was created to turn into white knight and then used to control men for power and dominance over women and to make the feminist agenda seem like its the victims being hurt and men being hurt is okay

>>939528027 (OP)
I just wanted you to like me.

>>939538171
13 years together, but ok.

As a man that always leaves girls=its because we get tired or we just simply not comfortable/going through a hard period or just gonna kill themselves and not want to worry their girl
But if they rape you nd leave you they just assholes:)

>>939528027 (OP)
Or, and this is far more likely what really took place, you are an absolute shit judge of character and these guys were pieces of shit from the get-go and you failed to clock em.
Either that, or it is you who is in fact the piece of shit.

>>939534542
I meant
Again not kind, abusive

>>939534897
Yeah

Nobody is going to believe an anonymous post on the internet about .... I don't know fuck it nevermind

>>939530877
>>939532550
It's amazing the level of brainrot apparent in kids who've been raised on nothing but the internet.

Some 'nice guys' are assholes - anyone can be an asshole - but mostly nice guys are just nice guys. The reason the 'nice guy' meme has spread is not because there are a lot of two-faced bastards hiding behind a veneer of niceness, it's because women want an excuse to go for the obviously *not* nice guy. Generally, guys aren't that complicated and are exactly what they seem to be. The guy who is helpful and polite isn't secretly trying to manipulate everyone (although note the amount of projection from women there),

And by the same token, when the drug addict with face tattoos and two kids he never sees turns out to be an abuser, it was not that he was a 'nice guy' who tricked you into a relationship. Women will go for a guy with a Chinese military parade of red flags and then pretend that it totally came out of the blue when he shoved her into a wall for suggesting that 10am was too early to start drinking. And then blame men for her wilful blindness towards the faults of guys who make her pussy tingly.

>>939528027 (OP)
Likewise, I see so many people abuse others' kindness

>>939528027 (OP)
Keep ttrying

>>939528027 (OP)
TL;DR
Boo hoo hoo. I make shitty decisions. Rather than accept accountability, I'm going to blame men. All men. Until next month when rent is due.