>>939633832
Because I used to live in the North Chicago region growing up. I had to put up with a lot of shit in the arcades, in school, when i was riding my bike, crime was getting worse and it became more unsafe for me to even ride my bike to the corner shop or the comic book store without seeing a group of older black dudes wanting to start shit with me or heckling at me.
Then my family moved, my uncle's daughters continued living in the area and they ended up getting knocked up by black dudes since the area was becoming a ghetto.
I actually am terrified of blacks and I deep down dislike everything about them.
Then I started to subconsciously watch more things I didn't even watch when I was younger because an ex of mine used to fuck this black dude for weed and money behind her coworkers back.
Even cheated on me with him.
So at that point I just felt terrible about myself and then I realized maybe being open minded wouldnt be so bad.
I don't like their music or anything of the sort. I don't even like sports anymore because they're literally everywhere now.
When my family moved I started to change and got more into asian women.
Then I got confused by a JRock performer during the whole visual kei thing then started questioning my sexuality
All while older dudes online always seemed attracted and gave me more positive attention then women ever did.
Then it start starting spiraling down from there, I was dumped once for even admitting this stuff. I have been cheated on because of it.
So finally in college (broke of course) I started to have the idea of hooking up with guys, older guys.
That happened afew times until a black dude wanted my attention. He ended up raping me.
So I haven't done gay shit since.
But I still think about the women and myself in those positions.
I used to cross dress and wanted to be a female because I wanted to be a slut. I became submissive and scared towards black guys due to trauma.
