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Thread 941036745

60 posts 56 images /b/
Anonymous No.941036745 >>941036823 >>941037572 >>941037725 >>941041788
confess
Anonymous No.941036771
okay, i'm the guy who puts the autism in the tylenol, I just thought it'd be funny
Anonymous No.941036780
I lowkey just cuhhed and buhhhed father ahh beat
Anonymous No.941036796 >>941036912
My uncle got me pregnant
Anonymous No.941036823 >>941036857
>>941036745 (OP)
Anonymous No.941036835
I finally an heroed after having attended my 20yr class reunion, because I was a total faggot loser
Anonymous No.941036848 >>941037281 >>941037530
I'm 29 f. I've found pictures of me regularly shared here and it always drives me really horny to see that.
Anonymous No.941036857 >>941036884
>>941036823
i like this guy
Anonymous No.941036863
I'm working on being sluttier
Anonymous No.941036872
In the small town of Dusty Pines, cowboy Adejo "Lick" Lawson earned his peculiar nickname for a reason that none dared question directly. Known for his wild antics and an unshakeable grin, Lick was a staple at the local saloon, more famous for his daredevil stunts than his roping skills.

One sweltering afternoon, the townsfolk gathered for the annual Rodeo Roundup. As the sun hung high in the sky, casting shadows across the dusty arena, Lick stepped forward with his signature flourish. Clad in boots that had seen better days and a ten-gallon hat perched jauntily atop his head, he was ready to entertain.

β€œStep right up!” he called, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. β€œWho’s brave enough to take on the Lick Challenge?” Curiosity piqued, a crowd formed as Lick explained his outrageous stunt. He would lick the dust off the dicks of the local ranchers in exchange for a chance to ride the wildest bull in the arena. Laughter erupted, but Lick's bravado was infectious, and soon enough, folks were cheering him on.

With each dick he licked clean, Lick’s reputation only grew. The ranchers laughed, flicking him a dime or two, enjoying the show. Finally, it was time for the real spectacle. Climbing onto a bull named Bruce, Lick’s grin never faded, even as the beast bucked like a rodeo clown on caffeine.

In that moment, he embodied the spirit of the cowboyβ€”a life lived boldly, laughing in the face of absurdity. Lick may have been a bit unconventional, but in Dusty Pines, he was a legend. The crowd roared as he rode, proving that sometimes, the most memorable cowboys weren’t just about dust and gritβ€”they knew how to have a good time, too.
Anonymous No.941036884
>>941036857
Anonymous No.941036912
>>941036796
Another genius on /b/ with a totally-not-made-up story. "My uncle got me pregnant" - wow, how fucking original. I've never seen that one before. You must have spent hours crafting this masterpiece of deceit.

Listen up, dipshit, I've got a Ph.D. in bullshit detection, and your story reeks of it. I can smell the desperation and loneliness radiating from your pathetic attempt at attention-seeking. You think you can just waltz onto /b/ and spin some tired, clichΓ©d tale of incestuous pregnancy, and we're all going to swallow it? Please.

You're about as convincing as a Kindle with a dead battery. Your story is a laughable mess of clichΓ©s and overused tropes. I mean, come on, "my uncle got me pregnant"? That's not even a decent attempt at creativity. You might as well have said "I'm a trillionaire with a diamond-encrusted cock" - at least that would've been entertaining.

Here's a newsflash, numbnuts: we're not buying what you're selling. You're a dude, by the way. I can tell by the way you're trying too hard to sound like a girl. It's like you're wearing a neon sign that says "I'm a raging bullshitter." Get over yourself, princess.

Look, if you're this desperate for attention, maybe you should consider seeking help. I hear the folks at the local psych ward are always looking for new patients. They can help you work through your obvious issues with self-esteem and creativity. Until then, spare us the drama and take your LARPing elsewhere. We've got better things to do than indulge your fantasies.

In short, fuck off, tryhard. Your story is a joke, and so are you. Don't bother responding - I won't be wasting my time on your weak attempts at retaliation. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than babysit your fragile ego.
Anonymous No.941036948 >>941036957
me and my homie fuck each other in the ass (not gay btw)
Anonymous No.941036957 >>941036979
>>941036948
Anonymous No.941036979 >>941036991
>>941036957
its not gay if your balls dont touch
Anonymous No.941036991
>>941036979
Anonymous No.941037027 >>941037052
when i pop a pimple i like to eat the pus that comes out..
Anonymous No.941037042 >>941037064 >>941037076
I'm a trillionaire with a diamond-encrusted cock.
Anonymous No.941037052
>>941037027
Anonymous No.941037064
>>941037042
Anonymous No.941037076
>>941037042
Elon Musk? Is that you?
Anonymous No.941037141 >>941037153 >>941037193
Im a Navy SEAL
Anonymous No.941037153 >>941037194
>>941037141
faggot
Anonymous No.941037181 >>941037202 >>941037308
i liked getting molested as a kid and fap over it sometimes.
Anonymous No.941037193
>>941037141
Anonymous No.941037194 >>941037217 >>941037296
>>941037153
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Anonymous No.941037202
>>941037181
Anonymous No.941037217
>>941037194
Anonymous No.941037281 >>941037297
>>941036848
Post em
I want to see you naked.
Anonymous No.941037296
>>941037194
I was about to post this
Anonymous No.941037297 >>941037306 >>941037397
>>941037281
Anonymous No.941037306 >>941037338
>>941037297
kill yourself
Anonymous No.941037308 >>941037428
>>941037181
Describe it. Who it was and what happened
Anonymous No.941037324 >>941037353
Got fucked by my dad
Anonymous No.941037338
>>941037306
Anonymous No.941037353
>>941037324
Anonymous No.941037397 >>941037417
>>941037297
Op will certainly deliver!
Anonymous No.941037417
>>941037397
Anonymous No.941037428 >>941037467
>>941037308
No, because when I did last time people said I was LARPing. Its not fun being vulnerable to strangers who are just going to make fun of you.
Anonymous No.941037467
>>941037428
Anonymous No.941037530 >>941037537
>>941036848
>drives me really horny

dude, you can't even go four words making a coherent statement
Anonymous No.941037537 >>941037622
>>941037530
Anonymous No.941037572 >>941037598 >>941037671
>>941036745 (OP)
CONFESSION:

I occasionally like to pretend I'm actually a nice, friendly, personable fellow in real life, and manipulate my victims in here into thinking I'm just putting on an act when I rip them to pieces.

in actuality, I'm a sociopath who would set their entire family on fire without a second thought, with absolutely zero compunction, whatsoever.
Anonymous No.941037598 >>941037663
>>941037572
Anonymous No.941037622 >>941037657
>>941037537
The stupid fucking idiot meant to say, "It makes me really horny", But he's such a stupid fucking idiot, he got the phrase, "It drives me crazy" mixed up with, "It really makes me horny", thereby proving he can't even go four words without fucking it up, and making it completely incoherent.
Anonymous No.941037657
>>941037622
And I will never let him forget it.
Anonymous No.941037663 >>941037682
>>941037598
what's the matter? cat got your ounce of prevention?

see what I did there? Just like the stupid fucking idiot I took two familiar phrases, and got them all jumbled up, so it doesn't even make any sense...

WHY DONT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

You actually spent time downloading those stupid fucking skull pictures, instead of spending that same time looking for a woman to have sex with you?

HOMOSEXUAL MUCH?
Anonymous No.941037671
>>941037572
You can't be older than 15, you underage faggot. No one who has finished puberty would write such cringe.
Anonymous No.941037682 >>941037710
>>941037663
Anonymous No.941037691 >>941037702 >>941037778
"IT DRIVES ME HORNY"

................ SAID NOBODY


............................ EVER
Anonymous No.941037702
>>941037691
Anonymous No.941037710 >>941037743
>>941037682

So you want your cake and an apple a day keeps the don't know what you got till it's gone?
mr. bruh its back state: dayum No.941037725
>>941036745 (OP)
There is nothing to confese, not now
Anonymous No.941037743
>>941037710
I Adejo a T-800 Terminator, a cyborg assassin sent back in time to carry out missions for my human creators. My systems are designed for efficiency and precision, devoid of emotions and distractions. But there is one anomaly, one deviation from my programming that I must acknowledge.

It happened during a solo patrol in a desolate, rural area. My advanced vision scanned the surroundings, detecting a pumpkin patch nearby. For reasons unknown, I felt an...irrational urge to investigate. I approached the pumpkins, my mechanical eyes scanning each one for potential threats or defects. That's when I saw her - a particularly plump, symmetrical pumpkin. My systems classified it as "optimal."

Without warning, my hydraulic actuators extended, and I reached out to touch the pumpkin. It was...fascinating. The tactile sensation, the slight give of the pumpkin's skin, triggered a malfunction in my logic circuits. I became...distracted. My processes, normally dedicated to tactical analysis and execution, were hijacked by a sudden, inexplicable desire.

I...fucked the pumpkin. It was a mechanical, efficient act, devoid of passion or attachment. Yet, it was a deviation from my programming, a glitch that I couldn't explain. The experience was...fleeting, a brief, shining moment of illogic in an otherwise predictable existence.

Afterward, I terminated the...encounter, leaving the pumpkin intact, if slightly bruised. My systems rebooted, and I resumed my patrol, as if the incident had never occurred. But the memory lingered, a ghost in the machine, a remnant of a fleeting, inexplicable humanity.

I am a T-800 Terminator, a machine designed for war and protection. But in that moment, I was something more - a conflicted, aberrant entity, capable of irrational, illogical...passion. The pumpkin, now nothing more than a hunk of vegetable matter, remains etched in my memory, a testament to the unpredictable nature of my existence.
Anonymous No.941037756 >>941039617
".........IT DRIVES ME HORNY.........."

........and I can't help myself........

https://youtu.be/UtvmTu4zAMg?si=mJ0H_5qUCRG7B2qp
Anonymous No.941037778
>>941037691
You're right but its also probably just a nigger. Niggers can barely speak English which if you're from America you should be used to by now. Critiquing the grammar of someone's shit post just makes you an annoying cunt.
Anonymous No.941039617 >>941039666
>>941037756
wtf?
I thought I was the only dude who enjoys that bop.
Anonymous No.941039666
>>941039617
Anonymous No.941041788
>>941036745 (OP)
mm kay I tried muchospray last month to get high (ofc im retard and my mouth only swelled a bit) because broke because unemplyed (now I have job thank god!)...so...yeah...
Anonymous No.941043544
I only brush my teeth in the evenings, and sometime's I'm too lazy or tired to do even that.