Thread 941039733

hey b/ros im doing my own personal research and i just need to know the top 5 things you find fun

if you can name more your more then welcome to share

>>941039733 (OP)
Games
Entertainment
Video content
Having fun
Music

>>941039733 (OP)
I enjoy RUINING PEOPLES THREADS....

Why do you ask?

>>941039733 (OP)
yep.....

I'm in the entertainment business.....
in the business of entertaining MYSELF™

And there's nothing I find more entertaining than DERAILING PEOPLE'S THREADS

Bideo Games
Browsing 4chan
Cataloguing porn
Reading (Fantasy and Sci-Fi)
Indulging in my kinks

>>941039733 (OP)
this would probably be a good time to tell you how much pussy I've gotten

>>941039733 (OP)

well, see I used to be a strip club DJ and I played in a band, so by the time I was 25 years old, I had already had sex with almost EIGHT HUNDRED WOMEN & TEENAGED GIRLS

and I'm not lying

>>941040689

homosexuality & stunted childhood development: the post

>>941039733 (OP)

I realize you're telling yourself "he's got to be lying", but I'm not

>>941040739
You're posting on /b/ too. If you aren't an emotionally stunted faggot then I'm the Queen of France.

>>941039733 (OP)
nope I'm not lying at all

NEARLY 800 by the age of 25

that was a long time ago
it's well over 800 now>>941039733 (OP)

>>941040777

I'm a 61 year old man whose children are grown

(My son became a millionaire at the age of 25)

and I'm about to >>941039733 (OP) TELL MY LIFE STORY In painfully needless loquacious soliloquy form

>>941039733 (OP)

since you obviously have too much time on your hands, and nothing better to do than create the lamest fucking threads I've ever seen....

get comfortable

I'm going to derail this thread for the next 2 hours

>>941039733 (OP)

go ahead and make some popcorn

>>941039733 (OP)
I am sincerely hoping you make a trophy for me today

I collect trophies

like this one

or this one

>>941039733 (OP)
I took The Liberty of creating this video for your thread in advance....

https://youtu.be/QKWF5H0H7jM?si=6WCzOPNPhUdxF8VC

>>941039733 (OP)
Games
Games, but tabletop rpg
rhetoric
Philosophy
Science
Funny things

>>941039733 (OP)
okay so..... I was born many moons ago

my mom was a former model (Who modeled the first two-piece swimsuit before they even called it a bikini) and my father was a drill instructor in the Marines

>>941041016

gee whiz... I wonder why you didn't include "fucking girls"

instead, it's all just games like a little boy

keyboard piano! I play it EVERYDAY! I play Yann Tiersen tunes!

>>941041029
I included rhetoric and philosophy but u didnt comprehend that, carnal, knuckle-dragging, mouthbreathing neanderthal

>>941039733 (OP)

dad was a motherfucking BEAST!!!

he was literally BORN to be a marine drill instructor

but HE WAS NEVER STRICT OR CRUEL TO US

in fact, dad was totally fucking cool, funny as shit, and always encouraged us to be as creative and different as possible

>>941041085
rhetoric and philosophy

THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF GETTING PUSSY

I see.........

>>941041062

of course you're aware dentists use Novocaine to numb up people's gums, right?

>>941041062
well, that's not true

Novocaine is used in general surgery procedures

DENTISTS USE LIDOCAINE.....

But they don't waste their entire career correcting every patient who says novocaine

It's much easier to just play along and say yeah here comes the Novocaine

>>941041113
Ud include sex, but its with men and u get none anyway

well, The thing everybody's typing on is called a keyboard..... right?

WRONG!!! It's actually called a KEYPAD

But since everybody calls it a keyboard, computer manufacturers call it a keyboard as well

very much like the Novocaine, lidocaine thing

this is a computer KEYPAD

>>941041062

as you already know, a KEYBOARD is a repeating sequential series of 12 semitones

>>941041199

lol I've fucked HUNDREDS of hot women, bro

lmmfao

>>941041267
I wish I could do that...I'm a piano sexual though I just play cool tunes all the time :o

>>941041267
>jn & wendy
U title your own pictures by talking bout yourself in 3rd person? Bet.
Keep saving pics of dudes

>>941039733 (OP)

my mother used to be a model in NYC when she was young, back in the old days

(she lived in New York City by herself, went to school and did modeling jobs after school. her mother (My grandmother) and my great aunt were twin sisters who were the "spokesmodels" on THE PERRY COMO SHOW... they would hold up the products and smile during the product advertisements

My grandmother was a stage mom, who pushed my mother into the modeling industry when she was a teenager

when Mom was 16 she got a call from the modeling agency who told her to get down to the garment district immediately

and mom ended up modeling THE FIRST TWO-PIECE SWIMSUIT before it was called a bikini

100% true.....

Not on a magazine cover, and not on a runway...

This was the garment district where the buyers were first seeing a two-piece swimsuit for the first time in their life

and MOM was the 16 year old model

>>941041381

lol shouldn't you be playing a video game or masturbating right now?

little boy

>>941041385
>Reddit spacing

>>941041415
Guys. Winner over here on /b fucking fucking women. Bet. He reads playboy for the articles, too. And saves pics of dudes

>>941039733 (OP)

Mom was German, and she had a bunch of GERMAN OCCULTISTS in her family

and she had an extraordinary gift:
CLAIRVOYANCE ™

not "psychic", that sounds so cheesy, and it doesn't convey moms gift

clairvoyant = French for CLEAR VISION

>>941041480

be patient, LONELY ISOLATED SELF-DISENFRANCHISED MASTURBATING GAMING CHAIR SISSY

I'm telling my ENTIRE LIFE STORY in this thread

and I'll get to the over 800 wen I've fucked soon enough.....

little cheat codes SISSYBOY who has never seen a vagina in real life

>>941041566
>Reddit spacing
>List if the things this guy likes: sex and sex
>And saving pics of dudes
How many children have u got? Enjoying your blanks?
This homo is so sad...

>>941039733 (OP)

Mom was TRULY clairvoyant

the real thing
consistently

she somehow KNEW THINGS there was no way of her knowing

like id come home early in the morning after parting and shed ask me "so who's Sarah? '

HOW THE FUCK DID SHE KNOW I BANGED A GIRL NAMED SARAH?

she DIDN'T
the "universe" told her
That's how she explained it

>>941041676
>children

several that I know of

and obviously Ive always know there was a great likelihood of many more I never met

>>941039733 (OP)
HOW'S YOUR THREAD GOING SO FAR?

running over the same old ground...what have we found...same old keyboard piano...same old /b/...god how I wish you were here Dillon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXdNnw99-Ic

>>941041762

I painted a portrait of Elvis Presley for David Gilmore and got the entire front row to the Pink Floyd concert at the Omni international in Atlanta

(and I only had 2 ppl with me, my gf from Lichtenstein and my best friend Kevin)

>>941041762

so JUST TO BE A DICK I kept all the extra passes and it was ONLY THE 3 OF US sitting in the entire front row, the rest of the seats were empty. fuck everybody else

>>941039733 (OP)
½

>>941041741
>I had sex
>I HAD SEX
>GET IT?!
this guys achievement is that he had sex. Amazing. Its not even my top 5, its so easy and mundane. And he saves pics of dudes and his mom is psychic, as opposed to a psycho. Embarrassing

>>941039733 (OP)

Mom used to PULL PEOPLES PHONE NUMBERS OUT OF THIN AIR

no shit, not joking at all
100% true
This was back in the days before smartphones, back in the days of telephone books

Mom did all the time... she wouldn't know the telephone number and she would literally PULL IT OUT OF THIN AIR

and guess what? it was the right number

we watched her do it a lot when my brothers and I were young

>>941041876

LIES ....

no woman is having sex with you

you are a gaming chair douchebucket
and women have never liked you

sorry......

you're not fooling anybody

>>941041812
my brother Dillon was a guitar player but before he died he was playing my piano everyday...fucking heroine took his life :( now I'm just clinging onto to dear life with my piano...

>>941041983
>LIES
>
>...
>.
Mommys special boy came to /b to brag bout his fanfic. Cuz he got laughed out of reddit

>>941039733 (OP)
for example:

back in 1995, my stepfather was traveling to California for business

and mom needed to speak to him
but there were no cell phones

so my ex-wife and I were visiting (we brought our infant son over to see grandma) and we WATCHED HER PULL A NUMBER OUT OF THIN AIR...

here's how she did it:

firstly, she determined that he would probably be somewhere in Arizona at this point, So she found the prefix to Arizona phone numbers

she'd look off into nowhere, and as she'd explain, "You have to know how to extend your antenna to hear the echoes the universe is sending you"

100% true

and suddenly she had a series of numbers in her head

(But that wasn't the right number, because it's at three-step process she used)

she knew the first numbers That popped into her head would have at least one error numbers that were transposed or reversed, etc etc

she knew it had to be refined two more times

But she would pick up the handset of the telephone, and without putting the handset next to her head, she would push those numbers she just saw

and instantly hang the phone up
and she relax and look off into nowhere again

now she was saying a clear picture of the numbers

But this was only step two

she would dial those numbers again, and instantly hang the phone up

TIME FOR STEP THREE....

>>941039733 (OP)

This was the big one.....

silence...

and suddenly KABOOM Mom picked up the handset of the phone, and this time she placed it against her ear, and dialed the 10-digit long-distance number that the universe had shown her

(by the way, I don't care whether you believe This story or not, because your approval is not required, And what you believe or disbelieve is not my problem)

tapping the 10 numbers on the phone
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
DTMF dial tones

and the phone started ringing

brrrrrrrrnnng!
brrrrrrrrnnng!
brrrrrrrrnnng!
brrrrrrrrnnng!

ringing and ringing and ringing but she sat there confidently smiling

brrrrrrrrnnng!

brrrrrrrrnnng!

brrrrrrrrnnng! *click* "HELLO?"

she introduced herself to the man who answered the phone, told him how she was, and explained she was trying to reach her husband who was traveling from Atlanta to Los Angeles, and described his car...

"LADY, THIS IS A PAYPHONE IN A GAS STATION PARKING LOT"

Mom just kept on talking "he'll be driving a gold Chrysler, and his name is Paul"

My ex-wife and I were standing right there watching all of this transpire

there was a moment of silence

and suddenly the guy told Mom
"hold on a minute. I think he just pulled into the parking lot"

>>941039733 (OP)

"HEY MISTER, THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A PHONE CALL FOR YOU"

My stepfather laughed, "That's just my wife"

WE ALL KNEW MOM DID THIS ALL THE TIME SO IT WASN'T SURPRISING AT ALL

My stepfather knew it was her, of course

So he picked up the phone and they had a normal conversation and she told him the update about his business meeting in Los Angeles...

And the phone call ended just like any other normal phone call

and my stepfather never asked "how the fuck did you guess the phone number to a payphone in a parking lot before I even pulled into it?"

100% ABSOLUTELY TRUE

Like I said, me and my brothers were all used to it, and at times it seemed rather invasive

because she would know details I would have preferred keeping secret

But there was no way to keep secrets around her " how did your friend get arrested?"

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW HE GOT ARRESTED?

we were out partying, and he got pulled over, and had a hold on him from another county, because of an unpaid fine.

But that only happened 30 minutes prior, and I walked directly home afterwards as they towed his car

"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW KEVIN GOT ARRESTED?"

........ Like I said
she had legitimate clairvoyancy

CLEAR VISION

>>941041085
Sir Logorrheafag has a rich, rich, interior fantasy life.

>>941042137

hang in there, masturbating coward

because I'm going to tell you all about the pussy

hundreds and hundreds of women

quite literally hundreds....

And yes, I said COWARD

because if you weren't afraid of being rejected, you would have a naked woman laying next to you right now, you sniveling fucking coward

be patient, coward
I'm going to rub the pussy part in your face real fucking hard

I'M GOING TO RUB IT IN YOUR FACE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER HAD IT RUBBED IN YOUR FACE BEFORE, BITCH

>>941042420

I'm not the log fag, you stupid fucking idiot

anybody who would confuse me with the log fag is obviously STUPID AS SHIT and doesn't pay attention to details

lol nope.... I'm a big fan of the log fag

But I'm not him, you stupid fucking NOOB

>>941042481
>not the log fag
No, you're not. You're Sir Logorrheafag, just as much of a cancer

>>941039733 (OP)
One more classic MOM story:

My best buddy Michael and I bumped into Jane and Nikki, two chicks who were best friends

And Michael and I were best friends

and the four of us instantly hit it off
they invited us over to their apartment to fuck

we all took LSD on the way over there, and I was just starting to feel the LSD kick in when we were all taking our clothes off and suddenly JANE'S PHONE RANG

I had never met Jane before
I didn't know Janes phone number

Jane answered the phone and with a scared look on her face, told me "uhhhh IT'S YOUR MOM?!!!"

somehow my mother called Jane's apartment

I had never met Jane before
I didn't know her goddamn phone number
and only met her an hour prior

AND MY MOTHER CALLED HER APARTMENT

"A guy named Rusty from a strip club called and said he needs you to come in and relief DJ for him tonight because his DJ didn't show up"

100% true

>>941042420
Imagine: hes got a schizo single mother, hes raised in an atmosphere of delusions and he adopts the cognitive-behavioural patterns of not being able to distinguish fact from fiction, just like the studies show for religious upbringing

Btw, he imagined himself having children... That he abandoned. What a hero. R u jealous yet?

>>941042512

And you are a masturbating video game sissy boy, who never even introduces yourself to women out in public, because you've convinced yourself they will say no, and you are a sniveling fucking COWARD who's terrified of women, because they might say "NO"

So you never even try

That's exactly how you ended up masturbating yourself to sleep every night you pathetic excuse for a man

>>941042612

My mother was completely sane and she wasn't single at all...

you'd be surprised how many big time players in corporate industry begged my mother to please marry them

It's a long story

but right now I'm in the middle of telling an interesting tale, And I'm sorry if you don't have an interesting life story to tell

LOL YOUR LIFE STORY IS SO GODDAMN BORING IT'S MIND-NUMBING

video games and isolation and life failure

The only sex you've ever had happened in your hand while staring at pornography

YOU'VE GOT THE MOST BORING LIFE STORY I'VE EVER HEARD

>>941039733 (OP)
okay, where was I?....

oh yeah.... YOUR THREAD™

So when I was 6 years old I did my first professional art job

my teacher paid me $20 to draw a caricature

I was only six, and it was only $20 but PROFESSIONAL simply means you get paid for it

So technically speaking, that was my first professional art job

>>941042700
When u masturbate, u identify as a woman. A different 1 each time

>>941039733 (OP)

by the way, your participation is no longer required in this thread

GET LOST

Go enjoy another thread somewhere.

I've got this one under control

>>941039733 (OP)
AI DATA SCRAPING THREAD. DO NOT ENGAGE.

>>941039733 (OP)

at age TWELVE, that's when I was commissioned to illustratey first magazine cover: $3,600

It only took me an hour or two to illustrate, and at age 12, having $3,600 cash placed into your hands is a big deal

>>941042651
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

>>941042765

when someone's life is so empty and boring, conspiracy theories make it seem exciting

and gives you the false impression that people perceive you as being knowledgeable

THEY DONT

shouldn't you be playing a video game right now

>>941039733 (OP)

ALSO AT AGE 12: I took LSD for the first time, and also began painting Elvis portraits for celebrities

The first Elvis portrait by painted was for Jerry Lee Lewis

He was playing in a nightclub in Buckhead Atlanta (where I live) and although I was only 12 years old and technically 6 years too young to even be on the property, I got a front row seat to the show

>>941039733 (OP)
Believe it or not, Jerry Lee Lewis started calling me every night, or should I say early in the morning, like 2:30 in the morning...

He called every night for almost 2 weeks

He was so high, slurring his words, because he used to inject percodan directly into his stomach

they ended up having to remove 3/4 of Jerry Lee Lewis's stomach because necrotizing fasciitis

>>941039733 (OP)

well, well, well.....

your thread has certainly picked up
It's finally becoming interesting

You can leave now...
we don't need you anymore

I'VE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL

>>941039733 (OP)

so my brother was like "dude, if Jerry Lee liked your painting that much, you should paint Elvis for other bands"

Atlanta is one of the major markets in America, meaning every big concert tour comes to Atlanta

so as the years passed, I got to meet and hang out with ALL of my rock n roll heroes

Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Pink Floyd, the list goes on and on and on

dozens of celebritiesid go backstage, drink their beer, eat their , 'craft services' cheese and crackers and gourmet spreads

And I always got front row seats and ALL ACCESS PASSES Not just after show passes but all access, meaning I could go wherever the fuck I wanted whenever the fuck I wanted. anywhere in the concert hall, backstage or otherwise

>>941039733 (OP)


by the way, you're starting to creep me out

sitting there silently reading my words like some kind of weirdo

like some kind of creepy voyeur

are you masturbating right now?

I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD LEAVE

NOW!!!!

so when I was 15, I looked a lot older than I was. I looked like I was in my mid or late '20s

So they never even asked me my age when they offered me the job as doorman at my favorite nightclub I had already been going to for almost a year and getting drunk off my ass every night

Rick Frommer owned HEDGEN's
absolutely the best bar in Buckhead
legendary, in fact... It had a long history

So there I was, standing at the front door, carding people older than me, chicks flirting with me, tits up in my face and girls hugging and kissing me and shit

drinking for free
customers offering me drugs all free
fucking girls at age 15

then I turned 16
and 2 days after my 16th birthday
That's when JOY came walking out of the bar

>search for a mid selling elvis portraits to lewis
>0 results
>Search for 12 yo kid illustrating a magazine
>0 results

>>941039733 (OP)
JOY was a 36 year old GORGEOUS registered nurse from Piedmont hospital

she walked out, turned around, looked at me, and GRABBED MY SLEEVE and dragged me to her car

>>941043307

lol @ thinking any of this was in a newspaper article or on the internet you stupid fucking idiot

YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

hahahahahahaha!!

(The true sign of your stupidity is YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL IF SOMETHING'S TRUE BY PAYING ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS fucking moron)

anybody who knows how to discern truth from fabrication knows IT'S IN THE DETAILS, You stupid fucking piece of shit

You also won't find anything about Chuck Berry knocking a man unconscious with one punch while he played at the agora ballroom

although I watched it happen

YOU STUPID FUCKING GAMING CHAIR DIPSHIT

>>941043307

although in this 1993 article, in the third paragraph, you'll see they mention me having a 36-year-old fiance when I was 16 years old

you stupid fucking piece of shit

>>941043307

It's amazing you think you can rely on the internet for everything, and you've never honed your own INTERNAL LIE DETECTOR, where you pay attention to the details

It's the details of the stories that differentiate between fabrication and truth

But how would you know that? You've got no real life experience doing anything

THE ONLY THINGS YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED HAPPENED WHILE STARING AT A COMPUTER MONITOR OR PLAYING VIDEO GAMES

You don't get any pussy
So obviously you're a coward
And obviously you're not nearly as smart as you convince yourself

If you were so smart, you would have a gorgeous wife right now

But all you've got is that stupid fucking chair

>>941043307

Shhhh.... quiet for a second...

listen................ Do you hear that?

That's the sound of me handing your ass to you

>>941039733 (OP)

JOY WAS SMOKING FUCKING HOT!!!

SOOOOO hot
perfect body
fucking perfect...
And she looked exactly like a young Jessica Lange

see, we didn't do selfies back then because we didn't have smartphones, thank God

And I've lost any photographs I used to have of joy decades ago

But if you want to know what Joy looked like, here's a photograph of a young Jessica Lange

joy and Jessica both had the exact same phenotype: same eyes, the same cheekbones, the same nose, the same curl to the lips, they could have been twin sisters

So while I have no photographs of joy
THIS is pretty much exactly what she looked like

Joy didn't look "kinda like" Young Jessica Lange

Joy didn't look " a lot like" Young Jessica Lange

they could have been twin sisters

Read, ride my bike, go on nature walks, car related activities like driving, cook, grow plants, draw.

Im a very basic man

Joy basically kidnapped me, took me to her apt and SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ME

her place was tiny, so the next day she and I went looking for a bigger apartment, and after signing The lease, we went to my parents house and I got all of my shit out of my parents house and moved in with joy in our new apartment and lived as man and wife for 4 years...

Not sure what you were doing at 16, but that's what I was doing

>>941039733 (OP)
brb my wife's ready for breakfast

she slept in late today
she's off work today
awesome

be back soon

>>941043423
https://www.newspapers.com/newspage/978317724/
>daddy shot himself in the head
>aliens
>50$
>lived with a nurse
XD

>not everythings on the internet
>pulls up a page on the internet

>>941043806
the article got it wrong

it was $500 not $50 dumbass

>>941043806

and yes, my father killed himself

yep....
But it was 500, not 50. nobody pays fucking signs for $50 You stupid fucking idiot

>>941044018
u got paid 50. Allegedly did lsd at 12. Your mothers delusional. And so r u
>aliens

>>941043806

That's just one of like 10 different versions of the same story they put into their different papers

The journal Constitution had several different versions of itself for different parts of town, and they repeated that story like 10 times in all of their different papers

You just found ONE version of it

and it got the number wrong. The actual number was 500

HAHAHAHAHA YOU FAIL AT EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?

LMMFAO

YOU QUITE LITERALLY FAIL AT EVERYTHING YOU DO, BUT YOU'RE SO CONVINCED OF YOUR INTELLIGENCE

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SHOW THE OTHER 10 VERSIONS OF THE SAME STORY, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT>>941043970

>>941044064

lol wrong I got paid $500. there's no way I would paint a 6-foot by 12 ft sign for anything less than $50 even when I was 16

HAHAHAHAHA!!

THE MATERIALS COST $200 YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT

>>941044064

lol wrong I got paid $500. there's no way I would paint a 6-foot by 12 ft sign for anything less than $50 even when I was 16

HAHAHAHAHA!!

THE MATERIALS COST $200 YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT


Do you ever THINK?

the materials cost more than $200 you stupid fucking dipshit

>>941044064

And I most definitely started taking LSD at age 12

absolutely...

what kind of idiot thinks you can buy materials for a six by 12 ft sign for $50

HAHAHAHAHA

YOURE LITERALLY STUPID AS FUCK !!!

>>941044137
and u got paid 50, anyway.
>69 different versions of the story
>this 1 is real, guys
>also, aliens and psychics
>im a stud, btw

And as I always say, in that article, it almost makes it sound like I did my first professional art job at age 16 but that's not true

I got paid $20 to do a caricature when I was 6 in the first grade

And I got $3,600 to illustrate a magazine cover at age 12, 4 years before I met Joy

>>941044215

no there is like 10 different versions I have them all

I can go digging through my files and find all of the different versions

But I couldn't care less what you believe

I literally couldn't care less what you believe

BECAUSE YOU DONT GET ANY PUSSY
And that's because women don't like you
All four billion women on earth think you are irrelevant, so I'm going to take their word for it

>>941039733 (OP)
I continued working at hedgens for a short time, but soon enough I quit

however, I didn't quit my drinking
and I became a worse and worse alcoholic

and age 18, I was offered a job as a strip club DJ at Tattletales strip club on Piedmont road in Atlanta

(That's the same strip club mentioned in the shitty song girls girls girls by motley Crue)

>>941044377
>I literally couldn't care less what you believe
>literally
>aliens
>psychics
>im a stud, btw

>>941039733 (OP)

and although I had strippers coming up into my DJ booth grabbing my dick and shit, I would tell them "I've got a fiance" and I was COMPLETELY MONOGAMOUS

I never cheated on joy

until one time....
that horrible fateful day when a Jewish 16 year old girl named Moira knocked on my door for she lived in the apartment building across the way

"can I come in?"
joy was at work

THAT was the ONLY TIME that I have ever cheated on a spouse And I was riddled with guilt afterwards... I couldn't believe what I had done. I looked at myself in the mirror to see the face of a CHEATER

I was disgusted with myself

but Joy never found out about Moira

Joy finally got so sick and tired of my alcoholism andy self destruction that she made the right decision and ended our relationship...

at which point I was now free to bang whoever I wanted to, and instead of flipping hamburgers, I was flipping strippers so you could say it was like a kid in a candy store

>>941039733 (OP)

at this point I was 20 years old, and I had only fucked like 7 chicks so far

boy oh boy were things ever about to change!!! hahahahahaha

That's an understatement

now when they'd come up into the DJ Booth and grabbed my dick, I'd unzip my pants

yep.....
and within a year or so I had TWO live-in girlfriends:

a petite blonde named Tara
and an equally petite little Japanese girl
and the craziest part is I don't even remember the Japanese girls name anymore

which seems really counterintuitive because I had TWO strippers sleeping iny bed with me every night, but as hard as I've jogged my memory, I simply CANNOT remember the Japanese chicks name

but yeah, now I was waking up with TWO naked girlfriends in bed with me every afternoon (we would sleep all day because we worked at night)

>>941039733 (OP)

one night, Right before some kind of holiday and I don't even remember what the holiday was, but It was a Friday, and the club was going to be closed the next day, on Saturday, which was rare, because it was a holiday

maybe Thanksgiving I don't remember

but we got PACKED and everybody in the club made a TON of money that night, an we were all in a great mood

so my two girlfriends (we used to have a running joke when we went to the after hours bars after work and the guys would hit on them, and they would always point at me and say "sorry but we are his GIRLFRIEND" , as in: singular form) asked two other strippers if they wanted to come home with us, get high and fuck...

while we waited for a cab, three more strippers decided they wanted to join us as well, So I had to call another taxi and I ended up FUCKING ALL SEVEN OF THEM BY MYSELF

100% TRUE

I FUCKED SEVEN WOMEN SIMULTANEOUSLY

ALL .. BY... MYSELF™

>>941039733 (OP)

If you're still here, reading my words I find that very invasive

I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD LEAVE AND FIND ANOTHER THREAD TO GO BOTHER PEOPLE IN

>>941039733 (OP)

a lot of guys have asked me "how do you fuck 7 women by yourself?"

A: methodically

>>941039733 (OP)
it lasted the entire weekendbu Sunday night, it was just 3 chicks and me, understand?

and when the last stripper called a cab home, it was just me and my two live-in girlfriends...

and we crashed out
work the next day....

things were exciting, for sure, but I had a big problem that had now become HUGE:

My alcoholism

>>941039733 (OP)

in fact, my alcoholism had become SO BAD, that I discovered I couldn't even get drunk anymore, And I was simply drinking to STOP THE SHAKING

I would go into delirium tremens
I would wake up SHAKING AND RATTLING

like shaking a bookcase with pachinko balls, literally racking and rattling and shaking my ass as I tried to walk to my door

it became DANGEROUS because I was reaching the point of alcohol poisoning and still not even getting drunk anymore.

And basically become an alcohol machine, it was disgusting and not even vaguely enjoyable anymore

>>941039733 (OP)
fast forward to age 25

at this point, I had updated my body count , and there were well over 700 whose names I remembered afterwards, I realized there were at least a few dozen whose names never even got mentioned

women I met at nightclubs who fucked me in a dark corner or took me to their house and never even told me their fucking name

It was the '80s, and we didn't even realize there was a sexual revolution happening. we just thought that was normal. everybody was getting laid back then

these days, you weirdos don't even have sex anymore

yours is the first COMPLETELY ASEXUAL GENERATION OF YOUNG ADULT MALES IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND

You creepy dudes don't even get laid anymore

instead, you all play video games like little children, watching Asian cartoons and putting things in your butt

back then? It was almost impossible to NOT get laid

It took a special kind of loser to not get laid back then, especially in Atlanta, because at that point there were four women for every man in Atlanta

and a lot of those men were gay, meaning it was more like five women for every man

>>941039733 (OP)
at age 25, I stopped counting. at that point, there were almost 800 notches on my headboard..

In fact, I like to joke and say my headboard became sawdust because there were so many fucking notches scratched into it

>>941039733 (OP)
by the way, my son can tell you about his grandmother being clairvoyant

his mother has told him the stories about "divining" phone numbers out of thin air

But we've already covered that..

HOW I GOT HIRED BY ZZ TOP:
I painted an Elvis portrait for Billy gibbons, and that's how the whole thing started

That's how I met Bill Ham, Who was ZZ Top's manager

and their attorney Mike Griffin told me "throw together an ideal and show it to Bill"

So I used my old commodore Amiga to create a brief proposal

>>941044215

https://youtu.be/AharbwkroyY?si=Pa5TbJncVHacU_ZX

my album cover art

>>941039733 (OP)

so I used my Commodore Amiga to throw this corny video proposal together

AND IT WORKED!!!... because after watching it, Bill Ham asked me if I could go to Hollywood the next morning and handle a Press Conference

this video is CORNY AS FUCK
and cheesy and embarrassing, from a production quality standpoint

yet nevertheless
IT WORKED
I was instant hired as their Art Director

https://youtu.be/V5uHdHS9mEM?si=DjX7IWn8DTnSy6Fj

Im gonna give you 9 minutes to watch the video proposal

while I feed my cats

bbs

God damn my speech to text is literally slaughtering this shit today. So many speech to text typos

MY APOLOGIES

I'll be back in 9 minutes

Bill Ham sat and watched the video proposal, then he stood up and reached over and (This part is really weird kind of) grabbed the fabric of my satin turquoise shirt between his index finger and thumb, and gently rubbed it feeling the texture of the fabric...

And he kept doing that as he quietly asked, "Johnny, can you fly to Hollywood tomorrow morning?"

lol I was all like " I'll see if I can schedule it on! "

hahahaha!!

of course Bill knew he was giving me the opportunity of a lifetime

they flew my ass to be early hills, where I was booked into a luxury suite at The BelAge Hotel at La Cienega and Sunset, where they used to film Beverly Hills 90210

and that's where I saw Jenny Garth's camel toe with a pair of hot pants pulled up too tight

and that's where I also discovered that Christopher Reeve who played Superman was a flaming homosexual

yep Christopher Reeve was a FAGGOT

damn it man!!

speech to text is SLAUGHTERING my words

one time, I was checking in at the front desk of The BelAge Hotel (that's the hotel the big movie stars would book for after show parties on The Oscars, etc) and while I was waiting, two people walked up to the counter next to me...

I wasn't looking at them, but I heard the voice say "the key for room 513 please"

with THE GAYEST VOICE ever
it was SUCH an over the top gay voice, it screamed "pure faggot"

.......but it also sounded oddly familiar

I turned to look next to me
and it was CHRISTOPHER REEVE

SUPERMAN

with a young weird gay sissy guy

and I realized "OMG HES GAY!!!"

so let's fast forward to NOW, okay?

now I'm an old man
a fossil
I never thought I'd live to see 18
because when I was 14 I realized 8 loved getting high SO MUCH I was probably going to accidentally overdose

I'm fact I was certain of it

imagine my surprise @ turning 62 years old

(however, I wasn't completely wrong at 14, because I indeed DID overdose accidentally... three times)

and, although this will sound like I'm lying, believe it or not I had DIED FIVE TIMES

FIVE TIMES.... DEAD...
no pulse, no heartbeat at all, flatline

dead... The final time was on an operating table in 2009 when the anesthesiologist inadvertently over administered the conscious sedation anesthesia called PROPOFOL

30 days before Michael Jackson died from the exact same drug

I died on the operating table and had to be defibrillated

well.... good news: last month it happened for the SIXTH TIME!!!

SIX FUCKING TIMES!!!!

I had a massive heart attack the day after my birthday and had to be defibrillated on my living room floor by EMTs and had to undergo emergency heart surgery

that made it officially SIX TIMES that I've been clinically DEAD ®

.......................but here I am...................

very much ALIVE™

fortunately for me, I always had somebody nearby (girlfriends or wives) who called 911 and tried CPR until the paramedics arrived

in fact, yesterday marked 3 weeks since I was released from the hospital after heart surgery

And I am still very much recovering

>>941046790
oops 61*

sorry today's schpeel is riddled with typos
my bad

lol @ being SO STUPID, You think you could buy materials for a 6x12 ft sign for $50 HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

LMMFGDAO WOW!!!

I'm not exactly Albert Einstein, huh?

>>941039733 (OP)
AND.....

IN SUMMARY:

BEST THREAD EVER, FAGGOT