Thread 942044252

Late night depression venting thread.

You ok, anon?

>>942044252 (OP)
>You ok, anon?
i make due but everyday i go through just wishing to go back i do nothing and its my fault i cut myself regularly and i jerk off a lot
>jerk off a lot
wouldnt say im a coomer but like every other day i jerk off
late night depression is all i feel i stay up and i cant fall asleep it feels like the fucking movie machinist if i remember the name correctly
my boyfriend cheated on me and i had to dump him and now he hates me even though he cheated on me? it fucks with my mind and honestly i feel lost at a point where i just go through each and every day with a rising urge to hang myself but i vent the suicide out by cutting myself
all i wanna do is get in a relationship with a girl but she is fucking retarded and staying with her abusive lesbian gf (she is bi and i have a chance because she confessed to me) but also it would be my first time dating a woman so im scared of it and in my 20 something years of life i only dated 2 men (FAGGOT!) i really dont know im a mechatronics engineering student and im really on the endge of just like hanging myself rly dont wanna go to a therapist or psychoatrist but there is defenetly something wrong with me i just dont know what to say but anymore so yeah i might respond to the respond of this if this thread is alive

If love was meant to be easy, then why is it not like just finding a "Clone" of your own persona but more intended to find closest similar person you can "Accept" having to end a lifetime with?
No one match out personality-wise to a point where it just "Click", and why the fuck is it so hard to accept that as fact? Love is work, love is tending the flames and caring for the weeds too, that arise from this sad and boring and dull emotion that make no sense other than to make you breed and "move on"? I just don't get it, to be honest. I am not okay, no. I am bitter, alone and selfish, I feel abandoned and neglected in total loss of selfrespect, even, due to the fact that the liner "ending" the relationship with her was ; "Well, someone has to be the adult here". No amount of fucking irritating comments defending that point of view can hurt me more, than those fucking words did. That is the scar that come from the loss of your first love, the love that hurt for real, and is not just a "love". Fuck it if I ever could I would want it all ALL over again, but those fucking words, they belong in it all, too. Love is not easy, I guess and feel, and therefore people leave me because I am a REAL fucking piece of work.

Eh, I guess marginally.

Last week:
> Got to final stage on 2 interviews
> Feelin’ like 4.5/5, one of these will work out
> 3 kids, wife of 12 yr, mortgage
> out of work since June
> one says “can’t right now, but we like you, talk next year”
> other one says I got beat by a better math head
> had internal recs
> back to square 1
> feels bad man

Sunday:
> Go to UU church
> Everyone there is nice, cares about me
> Go up during joys & sorrows
> light a candle
> candle of sorrow
“My daughter told me, she doesn’t think she’ll get her Christmas gift”
> trip to Legoland
> start crying
“Someone here at our congregation donated $1,000 to our family, and it’s going to help my child have hope. Thank you.”
> Another person pulls me aside later & gives me $200
> A lot of people offer me hugs, advice, meals
> Whole sermon was about gratitude

I have an interview tomorrow. Round 2/5 I’ll get more in the fire. But fuck, man, I’m so sick of being unemployed. I’ve been without a break for 12 years. I know I’m lucky, but yeah, I’m okay.

Jesus jacked off to bbc for the third time today..

>>942044252 (OP)
I have flouroquinolone poisoning and had to drop all my classes last semester and lost a prestigious scholarship in the process. For what its worth I have slowly been getting better but I don't really know where to go with my life now. I'm considering hitting the gym and eating better once I start feeling a little bit better since I've always felt somewhat like shit since becoming an adult even before taking the antibiotic.

I’m a loner who can’t keep a girlfriend

>>942044252 (OP)
Try listening to music and drawing at the same time or writing something to let go of strong emotions... That has helped me many times.

I'm going to hang myself

>>942048887
Why?

>>942048887

You should always give yourself a chance to move forward. the others will not do it, they will only respond with incorporation and silence. the processionals help a lot to calm the triggers of those thoughts... But we must always put an Extra step to break those negative patterns in our life. There will always be bad moments but some days you will feel relief to be alive. we only have self-love.

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