Thread 23125368

I feel like I’m dying. I’m not eating that much and I don’t have a drive to do anything but sleep. I feel like I am going to die.

>>23125368 (OP)
you're fine
when did you last eat though?

>>23125368 (OP)
what's on your mind?

>>23125368 (OP)
Eat something

>>23125368 (OP)
>I'm not eating that much
You need more calories, twiggy. And probably more water too.

It's hungry you are, not sick you were. Go buy some nuggies with dip!

>>23125419
very true

even if you eat healthy, if you don't have enough water your body can't do the alchemy required to process it into useful shit

op was right, he died

>>23125368 (OP)
>I feel like I am going to die.
Same. I'm moving back to my hometown because my studies are coming to an end and I'm gonna miss everyone I've met here. It's also gonna be way harder for me to meet people in general because it's a really small town and it's so far away from everything.

>>23125368 (OP)
Good

Eat four Shredded Wheat cereal and then 3 hours later eat carrots shredded with a food processor. Drink 2.5l of water per day.

>>23125368 (OP)
that's called depression, anon.

>>23125368 (OP)
Yeah, that shit happens. If you don't pull out of it soon, you'll have to go on the "crazy meds" and deal with the side-effects.

>>23125368 (OP)
Yeah, same. My health has been failing me and I'm only 30.

>>23128278
good luck anon

managed to eat a full meal today award

>>23128290
that is a good award

I barely eat as well. I had a breakfast at 10:30 AM (bowl of cereals) and my next meal has been 1 liter of soup just now (it is 9:07 PM). My health is OK so far but I've always felt like I'd die before turning 30 (I'm 25).
Unlike you however, I can hardly sleep.

As long as you don't starve, you should be okay.

>>23128310
i am similar..
>I've always felt like I'd die before turning 30 (I'm 25).
i feel the same, i'm 21
i guess if i got money i could get some problems treated
i used to do drugs but i don't anymore
i've had canned soup and an apple so far

>>23128313
I'm a bit more lucky in that I am a wageslave so I always have lunch on weekdays but that's about it.
Are there days where you have more food?

>>23128431
>I'm a bit more lucky in that I am a wageslave so I always have lunch on weekdays but that's about it.
makes sense
>Are there days where you have more food?
sometimes yeah, but it's kinda random
i take multivitamins as well though

>>23128283
Thanks

>>23128445
>i take multivitamins as well though
Don't we all.
If you eat on your own terms then I suppose you're not living with your parents. Are you a neet living alone?

>>23128667
>Don't we all.
i dont

>>23128667
neet living with parents...

>>23128687
Wait so you're just staying in your room while your parents are having lunch?

>>23128805
my mom eats like once a day, and my dad sits in his office (which is also the laundry room) and eats, and sleeps in there too
but yeah
it's not good

we've had nice meals together in the past, especially around like christmas & thanksgiving, and we used to watch movies together
it's kinda fucked now though

>>23128821
how often do you eat
what have you had this week?

>>23128821
What happened then? I can relate your situation, so maybe you can feel heard about it

>>23128836
it's hard to remember or keep track
in the past 7 days, i've had some oatmeal, sliced turkey, canned beans, scrambled eggs, tortilla chips & salsa, a frozen meal, a few apples, some sliced ham, some melon, alot of coffee
maybe other things
i think i eat well enough, though i wish i ate better
i should see it as motivation to improve myh life probably

>>23128842
i don't really know
it's hard to think clearly about it, but i'm sure alot of it is my fault
i just feel very subhuman at this point
i don't want to be trapped here forever

>>23128846
>oatmeal, sliced turkey, canned beans
oh its you
>alot of coffee
this probably does not help
>i think i eat well enough
big doubt but i cant say im any better

>>23128842
i don't know

>>23128866
coffee good

>>23128842
i am grateful though

>>23128880
if you ate food maybe you wouldnt need coffee to get energy

>>23128861
You sound like what my brother would say if he realizes that he's wallowing in his own shit (although he's not a NEET, but being a wagecuck is not that great too). You are aware of what's happening to you, so that's a big step. Do something to improve your lifestyle. If your room is a mess, clean it. If you fell physically weak, workout at least 10 minutes per day. If you feel ignorant or illiterate, read, watch, study something by your own. But don't stay still, because if you don't move then the ground will start to crack and you will fall into the abyss. That's why you have to move, quickly or not, but move at the end of the day
>>23128882
Why is that?

feel*

>>23128896
every time i try to move i end up 10 fucking steps back and with some new ailment

>>23128893
it's more for the mental effects than anything, but i understand

>>23128810
Huh.
I tend to forget this is a thing. Meals in my family are always spent together around the same table with no or little TV/screens.
But, like, your mom and dad eat separate things? Everyone cooks for themselves or is there some "sharing"?

>>23128896
idk, you're right
>Why is that?
just for the offer >>23128842

>>23128917
there is some sharing yeah
my dad pays for all the food
my mom cooks fairly often in the evening & normally makes something for my dad, or they both pick up some takeout food
they offer me leftovers of that sometimes, and other than that i just order groceries
but we all use the same kitchen, sometimes they eat stuff i ordered and vice versa

>>23128917
>Meals in my family are always spent together around the same table with no or little TV/screens.
it definitely used to be more like that when i was younger, but still not that common

>>23128908
You can't commit mistakes as a daily basis, that's just not possible. I recommend you to go out more often. Even if it's just your backyard, go there and breath some clean air. If you live in an apartment, go to the rooftop if you can. It sounds cliché, but it helps, at least for the thinking. I can't recommend you any more movements because I'm not you. You are the only one who knows what you want, and the only one who can help himself
>>23128919
You're welcome

>>23128935
>I can't recommend you any more movements because I'm not you. You are the only one who knows what you want, and the only one who can help himself
i know some things that would help for sure, and i understand what you mean about doing anything to move forward & break the loop i guess
>I recommend you to go out more often. Even if it's just your backyard, go there and breath some clean air. If you live in an apartment, go to the rooftop if you can. It sounds cliché, but it helps, at least for the thinking.
it's annoying, because it's very nice outside, but my parents have security cameras everywhere, i really hate it
i could probably walk, but i just hate the idea of being watched constantly, and standing out in public
i keep my window open and listen to the birds & get some air sometimes

>>23128950
>it's annoying, because it's very nice outside, but my parents have security cameras everywhere, i really hate it
>i could probably walk, but i just hate the idea of being watched constantly, and standing out in public
What's so bad about it? Don't mind that, your parents would be probably ok with seeing you going for a walk

>>23128925
>>23128929
Hmm. And how is the relationship with your parents then?
>>23128950
You mean that your parents would spot you going in and out of the house? I don't think that's necessarily a problem unless you're actually not allowed to go out for some reason.
However, I understand the public thing. You also mentioned ordering groceries. Do you have social anxiety?

Wait I've been skipping Swedish anon the whole time
>>23128578
Shizuka Kuze-pi *
>>23128677
I never eat fruits and vegetables are fairly occasional so... I do.
I sometimes eat pears but it's rare.

Oh God why
I said I can hardly sleep
Why did you have to send an old lady call my fucking landline at 2:40 AM
I obviously got mad and ended up apologizing and now my sleep schedule is ruined because I won't be able to fall asleep until 4 AM despite getting up at 6 for work
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

>>23128970
>>23129122
are you guys still here?
i'm sorry
>>23130013
sorry anon

>>23125368 (OP)
Can I eating your brain once you died m?

Don't do drugs.
Eat and drink, vegan protein, a variety. Get a treadmill. Make a rule for yourself that to watch movies, play games or maybe browse, you have to be on the treadmill. Months will go by and you will be fit. You will feel better. It's hard to do, I'm not doing it now, but I did. It turned me from fat to fit in a few months, superfit over a year. All day every day. Wasn't my choice to be fat, but it was my choice to fix it.

Even if you're dead and destroyed. Nothing left, make something, serve what you know is right. Make it have fitness in the world. As you try it is healthier. It is you or what you need/like. It is that more existent. It/they trusted you to know it. Don't let it mean deterioration. Get fitter, everything helps. Better you push yourself, but ease doing is something. It's still making everything better.

Get protien powder that tastes good. Chocolate. Shop around, a lot tastes dull. It and cashews, peanuts, and some almond milk, maybe water, can be a good tasting sludge. Protein is said to stop hunger cravings.

Fat is bad for you. It's a stupid thing. It makes you worse which makes you fatter and so on. You have to fight it. Get rid of it with exorcise. Improve your ability to do things.

Take vitamins. C, multi, zinc.

Ignore or be aggressive to anyone telling you to do it slower. Do everything as hard as you can. Even if you're so fucked that's just lifting your leg up, something, anything. A treadmill is easy. Occupied with other things you can do a lot of time without struggling doing it.

Haha. Maybe get someone to fuck. But sex is only great if you're superfit. So disregard that order. Get fit first and don't spoil it.

>>23131043
Yeah but I'm leaving for work in a few hours.

>>23129151
oh good
i thought you decided to hate me

>>23132318
That wouldn't be very Takopi from me.

>>23132737
that is true
did you eat today?

OP are you feeling better

>>23132788
no he died lol

>>23132764
Due to my poor sleep I stayed at home this morning so I had breakfast for lunch and that's all I ate today. I'm probably going to have something for dinner but I don't know what yet. My mind feels empty right now.
How about you?

>>23132788
Not really

>>23132797
hope you get better soon

>>23132794
>How about you?
nah not yet but i slept most of the day

>>23132794
>I'm probably going to have something for dinner but I don't know what yet. My mind feels empty right now.
youll figure something out surely
muh hecking french cuisine etc

>>23132829
Thanks

>>23132877
>>23132907
Uh sure

>>23133002
i mean it works
i had a full frozen meal yesterday and that was probably the single highest amount of nutrition ive gotten in a single day for ages

>>23132877
me too
gm
>>23133002
the classic
>>23133307
yeaeh

>>23133325
guten morgen

>>23133325
Hello. About to take a comfy bath before going to bed.

>>23133002
>lie big
jewish brand?

>>23133569
frieren <3

>>23133593
i missed your post but sleep well anon <3

>>23133644
Maybe? Idk
https://www.thegbfoods.com/brands/liebig/

My bath was terrible. I hoped to relax and find some rest but all I could think about was how killing myself would go.

The two ways that I envision today are either drowning myself at the bottom of some river (the preferred way so I can die suffering as I deserve) or just hanging myself somewhere in the forest or in some abandoned building.
I can picture myself walking along the river at night, wearing some light white clothing, pushing a platform cart with cinderblocks on it, with my neck, wrists and ankles tied to them by chains. Walking far away from my car, going to the deep spot I'd have located on the map. Anticipating the moment I throw myself to my death, no longer thinking straight.

I would arrive at the spot where the final decision would have to be made. Thinking about my despicable life. Thinking of loved ones I failed. Thinking of how weak I am, finally giving up on it all. I'd probably have a mental breakdown, crying like a stupid bitch, vomitting out of fear for what I'm about to do. Thinking of the disgusting piece of trash I am for even thinking of going this way.

I would stare at the starry sky, at this huge universe we don't comprehend and that doesn't care in the slightest of our insignificant minds. My world would end here, but everything will carry on. Everyone will keep living their lives, trying to make the best out of tit, fueled by some sparks of hope and love here and there despite the hardships, growing and maturing as they learn from their mistakes, regretting the opportunities they missed, the paths they could have chosen, while I chose to sit down on the side of the road, watching them go on as I sit still forever.

My mind would finally accept my (French) surrender. And, at this point, as all of my failures rush through my mind, I would either crumble like a coward and just stay still, unable to commit,
or...

I would finally push the fucking cart over the edge, the cinderblocks falling and pulling me down with them.
At this point, it would be fairly likely for them to break my neck before I even touch the water, ending me swiftly. But if not, I'd plunge into the river, the heacy weights taking me to the riverbed with me as I fruitlessly try to break free.
I would probably regret this decision immediately but it would be too late. Even as my survival instincts kick in, I know, deep down, that this is it. Still, my body would panic, trying to reach the surface and undo this poor decision-making, trying to save my dumb brain from its poor choices of carrier path. It would feel terrible, and I haven't even started to drown yet.
I would feel my lungs hurt gradually more and more as my mind slowly realizes that this is indeed it, still trying to swim up... unsuccessfully.

Eventually, I would finally let my CO2-filled air out, painfully taking in water, getting the fucking pain I deserve. It would hurt. A fucking lot. The water will destroy these lungs and cleanse them from the air wasted to keep my fucking trash existence alive.

Finally, as my brain starts failing, I would see glimpses of my shitty life and maybe of some of my happiest memories from moments long gone. Maybe they would put me at peace as my body goes limp. Maybe I would feel some relief at this point.

And then...

... I wouldn't feel any relief. No happiness, either. Nothing, really. Because I'll be dead. Making this whole experience... pointless? Why would I kill myself if there isn't even any relief at the end?

So there's no reason for me to do it. But these invasive thoughts are still here.
It's been a long time but I should book an appointment with my therapist again.

Good night anons, ttyl.

>>23131043
I've just came back from college. I'll have to sleep soon though

>>23134991
classic gif
i was gonna talk about my parents when i made that post but idk

>>23134991
was your day alright?

>>23135036
More or less. I can't really complain, but I slept like 20 hours and because of that I skipped the classes of the morning. I don't want that to happen again
>>23135029
What was in your mind?

>>23135046
ah, i used to do similar things in highschool
i could never keep a schedule after i was 15 or so
if you expirement you can probably find a way to sleep more regularly
>What was in your mind?
idk
but the fact that you both responded similarly, that i shouldn't really mind the cameras, it made me realize something must be wrong
i don't have a good relationship with them but i do love them, i want to get away from them though
i'm afraid i'll never have any place in the world except here
i really should walk more

>>23135095
Exactly, you should do it
>i'm afraid i'll never have any place in the world except here
That's on your hands. You are the one who has to work hard, study, and save money. I know that things in the U.S aren't that easy, but I know that rent an apartment is relatively feasible. But if you will be either living in another place, or staying were you are, what you have to do is move, not stay still. Achieve things, learn, work, all those things that will help you to improve as a person. If you don't have foots, crawl with your knees. And if you don't have hands, use your elbows

Good morning. I actually slept OK for once.
>>23135095
>i don't have a good relationship with them but i do love them, i want to get away from them though
As Chile anon said, things won't change by themselves. Getting out of your personal Hell is a considerable undertaking you have to fight for.
God helps those who help themselves after all.
You mentioned being a neet now but did you follow something after high school?

>>23135643
>You mentioned being a neet now but did you follow something after high school?
i dropped out of highschool after 1 year
it was my idea to go to middleschool then drop out, and it was my idea to go to highschool then drop out
it was stupid
i should've finished, i just couldn't handle it
a friend offered to let me stay at his parents house hwen i was 15, i always wonder what would've happened if i had
maybe i could've finished
>As Chile anon said, things won't change by themselves. Getting out of your personal Hell is a considerable undertaking you have to fight for.
>God helps those who help themselves after all.
it makes sense
>Good morning. I actually slept OK for once.
i'm glad :D
gmgm
>>23135165
it's so hard to move, i don't know why
i always panic and burn out immediately like an idiot, or atleast i have in the past
you are right though
and the US is sort of inhospitable, but there is still alot of opportunity
i know i can figure something out

and thank you both by the way

>>23135643
>You mentioned being a neet now but did you follow something after high school?
to answer the question better, i haven't completely wasted all my time since then
it's been about 6 years since i dropped out, maybe 7
i've learned to drive, and helped some with my dad's business
i learned python and did some neural network stuff about 5 years ago
i know math up to calculus, but i haven't learned calculus
i've done some electronics projects, video editing, etc
i've stayed in good shape physically

>>23135647
>>23135653
>and helped some with my dad's business
So your dad holds a business; what prevents you from working for your dad to get some money? I assume something is making this impossible

>>23125368 (OP)
I feel similar bro
I'm so goddamn tired all the time
No desire to do anything
Just drink alcohol and sleep

>>23137164
it doesn't make nearly enough to do that anymore, we live in a low-income area & even though his parents bought the house for us we still don't have much
at its peak it made around $110k per year, then went down to around $25k per year when we lived in the woods. it's better now but i don't know exactly
still, it's a good opportunity & i've learned some things
i've thought about trying to help the business make more money, but i don't know

>>23137375
I suppose the business itself doesn't interest you?
I already know that if it were manual labor I would definitely hate it so...

I don't have drive to do anything, but I still got to wageslave. Even if I'm not hungry I still eat something, but the feeling of emptiness in my chest still remains.

>>23138739
How long has this been going for?

>>23135647
At your service, anon

>>23141891
For some months.

>>23137787
there is a software aspect, but most of what i've done has been manual labor & shipping stuff & moving equipment around
i could've learned that stuff when i was much younger but my parents were busy doing drugs and fighting for the most part
i realize it's an opportunity i should've taken advantage of, i don't know
i don't like to think about it anymore
i'd rather live alone, even if i have to start from scratch (though i say this from a position where i've never had to earn money)
>>23141936
thank you