>>23190876
> So if not a mass religion you have made a god you can defeat and in its place is yourself and the understanding you have created for yourself that you're comfortable with.
It would be very egoistic, yes. Though, my metric might be of survival, utility, aesthetic, and coherence; rather than comfort.
> so really I cant explain faith to you, you already killed any hope of faith within yourself because you have designed god yourself. . and he's weaker than you. Think of it like AA, you cant be handed sobriety through AA without awnsering to someone above yourself.. even if it's metaphorical it's a tree..
Though, how I killed my faith, in anything, was laying down in a park one day, under a cloudy blue sky with a thermos of tea. It felt; like it no longer mattered if I was alive or dead, if I believed in anything, or never perceived a thought again. It was a sort of peace in, of being beyond care, beyond care for myself as well.
> .. without the notion that you ARENT the end all be all and there is someone and something bigger than yourself you have to awnser to confide in ECT you have to be willing to surrender to something outside of yourself because you are not in control to give it to a higher power whether that's god or simply a metaphor for something outside of yourself.. a bigger better you to answer yourself in.. a 'higher power'
I chose to give up, to surrender to... surrender? Ah, even that doesn't make sense. Ever since that day in the park, I've felt weird. Like my muscles are now... spring loaded.... When I get anxious or overwhelmed, I also get physically ill now and have to detach myself from situations, otherwise I'll lose my balance and feel like I'm about to puke.
I have to approach a situation maintain control; otherwise if I've lost control, the situation is unsalvageable anyway, and it's time to step back.
> You would have to accept you don't know.
In which case, I like to believe nothing, until there is something I can know.