Thread 60828614

Do you run out the clock?

My job is very on and off so there's times I do nothing but read or shitpost and then there's times I'm kinda slammed.

>>60828614 (OP)
for the past 6 years I've been jacking off or having sex nearly every day on the clock

Travelled to Japan for a month without anyone noticing this winter. Colleague asked me if I had any travel plans and I just said no kek

I clean my kitchen, and cook myself nice meals

Coffee/waking up takes at least 30 minutes when I wake up at 9am

I got quite good at guitar a few years ago, but let that go.

I don't learn languages for some reason, although I should.

I also spend a lot of time on my own programming when I'm on obsessive mode.

Is that enough for you to chew on, glowie?

>>60828631
Jon, is that you?

>>60828639
>>60828631
>>60828622
>>60828614 (OP)
Sitting 40 mins on the toilet everyday will give you hemorrhoids. Don't fall for this

Inbetween calls with working from home i go to the gas station to buy liquor and zyns. Its about a 20 minute walk there and back, i also take my dog to go shit once which is about 15 minutes.

>>60828647
t. CEO trying to psyop the wagies

>>60828639
No, Jon is a little onions boy. Very cordial, but very weak.

>>60828614 (OP)
Nah, I actually work nights, and there is almost no oversight. All leadership bolts out as early as they can, and I just work at my own pace. I bring down patients for exams, but we take our sweet time, I'll take LONG breaks between patients, sometimes I'll run out of patients to do and just play video games for the rest of the night. Sometimes I don't feel like bringing a patient down so I just say "I couldn't get ahold of their nurse" if they ask. But they never look at our numbers or ask anyways.

I've watched more movies since I've started this job then ever in my life before. Make 6 figures too.

>>60828647
Joke's on you, I already got em!

>>60828614 (OP)
I:
>Only shit at work
>Charge my laptop at work
>Charge my cellphone at work
>Fill up a few gallons of water at work to take home to filter to drink (have to pay for water at my place)
>Had a mining rig plugged in at work running on company WiFi
>Swipe into the building then immediately go get coffee
>Don’t attend vendor meetings but do take home the food they provide that is left over
>Take as many cleaning products from the work kitchen as possible
>Take home the coffee beans to use at home
>Take all of my sick days and vacation days every year
>Always give my managers bad reviews
>Reported all of my coworkers going for green cards to the jobs.now website
>Reported the illegal cleaning ladies to ICE
>Shower only at the workplace gym

>>60828614 (OP)
40 min? How much do you shit?

>>60828730
Anesthesia?
Nursing?

>>60828614 (OP)
Everything feels easier since I started seeing my boss and the whole office as a paycheck, I do my job while thinking about what I'm going to do for the rest of the day
Sometimes I even use my breaks to check the charts for my dogs and my based pepe, gen z is right about how you shouldn't give a fuck about work

>>60828614 (OP)
At my work if you use bathroom too much during work time you get written up, they expect you to only use washroom during designated breaks

>>60828614 (OP)
I dont work.

>>60828764
so zased

>>60829350
the first manager I had told me, if I have an upset stomach not to come to work (at the hospital). I thought it was weird cus I hadn't even shit at work that day.

Must caught me literally jacking off in the bathroom

>>60828614 (OP)
Always shit and post on /biz/ on company time. What’s the HR roasties going to do? Fire me for IBS?

>>60828764
this is based and all... but isnt this creating more work???

>>60829425
No, it’s not. Everything I’m doing is on company time. I called ICE from my laptop using teams instead of going to a project kickoff meeting.

>>60828614 (OP)
I have a position where im allowed to clock in and out early/late and i milk the hell out of it, but i have never in 10 years at my job taken a shit at work. If you have a job where you can disappear for 40 minutes a day without anyone caring you can find a far better place to hide

>>60828614 (OP)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zTei5RMhQ8

>>60828647
I'm not sitting on the shitter thay long with my asshole gaping open it wont happen.

>>60829447
sounds great, what do you work?
what would a job have to pay for you to do real real work there?

>>60829501
I’m an engineer (chemical process), and I make $120k roughly plus bonuses etc. No amount of money can make me do any more than the bare minimum.

>>60828764
my sides

>>60829532
would you hire someone like yourself?

>>60828764
Based

>>60828614 (OP)
Imagine shitting on a public toilet.

The BEST part of being a WFH chad is being able to shit on your own damn toilet

>>60828614 (OP)
Yesterday I didn't do shit while WFH, and also took a nap without no one noticing. Does this count?

>>60828614 (OP)
I try not to think too much about work to avoid those same conclusions
Sometimes I even fantasize about my moomoo and what the hell I'll do when I make it, It's less depressing than work

>>60828764
This except I also steal the tea filters and sometimes the utensils

>>60828730
>I actually work nights

>>60829694
That’s not my problem.

>>60830116
I didn’t have to steal utensils this time because I fully stocked my kitchen with utensils from my last job. Mugs too.

>>60828614 (OP)
Also as a side note I did a project at one of those rich companies that gives their employees unlimited free food and drinks. I brought home almost a case of free drinks every single day the entire time I worked there. I haven’t been able to put a dent in them so far. I keep them in my drinks fridge, which you may have already guessed, I got for free.
>Pic related - the fridge

>>60831039
none of that sugar water looks appealing

>>60831737
some of the bubly flavors are alright. i used to really like cherry. it doesn't have sugar

>>60831737
That’s why I haven’t touched it. It’s great for when I have people over though.

i steal AT LEAST 2 hours of work everyday

i'm working right now btw

100% WFH

>>60828647
jesus christ you're not shitting for 40 mins straight you loud pathetic mongoloid

>>60828614 (OP)
I take naps instead

I have been doing corporate day care for 18 years. If they would pull youtube stats they would immediately terminate me. But I run some stupid scam technology no one wants to deal with so I am untouchable

>>60832393
AI is coming for you. And by AI I mean All of India.

>>60828614 (OP)
This mindset is the same as someone who goes to an all you can eat buffet and stuffs themselves until they are fat and sick with belly exploding, thinking they are sticking it to someone. Very pathetic mindset and especially embarrassing if you are "male".

>>60828647
also caused by copper deficiency since it's needed for collagen i.e. veinous tissue health

>>60828614 (OP)
Does this include water and toilet paper costs or just wages

>>60828614 (OP)
for the last 8 years:
>coming in late (15-20 mintes)
>15 minute shit the moment I come in
>coffee + breakfast while being on the clock
>extended 30 minute lunch break
>leave 15 minutes early

the trick is to introduce one thing at a time and not right away.

>>60828614 (OP)
I've come to the point where I've realised keeping busy while I'm at work is the best way of getting the time to pass. Not that I love working like I'm a masochist or something, but doing nothing just bores me and makes the seconds crawl.

>>60828614 (OP)
>Boss makes a Dollar. I make a dime. Thats why I shit on company time!
I make roughly $60 per shit. when I drop a fat greasy one double time.
and they made porta potties illegal where I live hahaha. always a proper shitter now.

>>60828614 (OP)
I always clock out when I take a dump because I'm not a nigger or a thief. No wonder you're all a bunch of broke failures, theres no work ethic anymore. Sad, many such cases

>>60832827
Look at the cuck. Look at him and laugh.

>>60832827
this has to be bait. like no one is that much of cuck, right?

>>60828764
>Reported the illegal cleaning ladies to ICE
I don't understand this bit. They keep your shit clean and don't expect you to engage in idle chit chat like any other type would.

>>60832393
>But I run some stupid scam technology no one wants to deal with
SAP?

>>60828614 (OP)
i don't shit every single day. and it doesn't take me 40 fuckin minutes to take a shit.

>>60828614 (OP)
>tfw I don't get paid for shitting because I wfh

>>60832907
>nice video

>>60832975
I’m a man on a mission here, you wouldn’t get it. I worked in Europe for a bit and they had Polish cleaners. The difference was incomprehensible. It was like having a model clean my toilet.

>>60828614 (OP)
It's priced in.
This stuff is only a tactic at turbo-mcjobs where employees are treated like children. Everywhere else, it just makes your coworkers think you have health problems.

>>60833269
> it doesn't take me 40 fuckin minutes to take a shit
that doesn't mean you can't sit on the toilet and watch youtube for 40 minutes, like all the other losers in this thread

>>60833462
I was thinking Polish cleaners was going to be the alternative, so happy to be correct, but I'll just point out that your boy's the one in the Oval Office. If you want Polish maids, that's kind of up to him. Get lobbying.
Still, 2/3 ain't bad. Keep your eyes on your screen, bud.

>>60828614 (OP)
Brainwashed wagies will think this is a victory, instead of, you know, just not working. A significant portion of men are psychologically submissive/beta males, and these wageslaves subconsciously prefer being paypigs for NEETs, toiling their lives away to fund millions of NEET's cushy NEETbux income. Wagies romanticise “grindset” like livestock proud of the abattoir; some people are simply beta to the time-clock and need HR to tell them when they may sip water. Did you know that historically, Gentlemen didn’t sell their hours? Drudgery was strictly a lower-class sport. While wageslaves are being constantly humiliated and emasculated by their boss during brain-rotting tedium and drudgery, The NEET is sleeping in most days, leisurely mastering cooking, exercise, and the liberal arts, improving himself, enjoying what the ancients called, "Otivm": a cherished time to read, think, write, walk gardens, and unwind- time that restores the mind and hones the soul. Not for the likes of wageslaves. NEETs don't require that the cattle be cultured, only that they continue on as profitable docile cattle, so the millions of NEETS can continue to comfortably live off the wageslaves' obsequious tithe.

>>60828764
>had a mining rig plugged in
absolutely based wish I could get away with this, could you detail your rig? I don't care if it's a small operation as long as it's not on my dime

>>60835788
and you admit to others you're a neet? or you lie to avoid stigma? and when there's an incident you somehow can afford to cover it? and you don't use this as cope for inadequacy? just curious, I would live the neet life if it were sustainable but I don't see it as so, many of those things you value aside for exercise I'd conflate with my depressive episodes

>>60832657
Is this true >>>/sci/ crossboarders? How do I get more copper?
>>60828631
Holy comfy. What kino job do you do anon, if you don't mind me asking? Are you hiring, or else how would you recommend someone try to achieve the same position you're in?
>>60828730
Another comfy kino

>>60832723
Same.

>>60832723
i just chat up the stacy coworkers to pass the time

>>60828647
>>60832232
This anon gets it. You don't want to blow your shit time all in one go. You have to shit in multiple shifts.
Go too long and people will notice you're gone. Go too often and people will notice you take too many breaks.
3 x 13.33333333333333333 minute shit breaks per day is the sweet spot

>>60828767
>40 min? How much do you shit?
we're americans bro. its our poisoned food.

if youre in the bathroom too long/too often at my work theyll send you to the nurses place which usually involves a drug test. im always drunk on the job so i cant risk that

I was in the bathroom so long the manager checked up on me. Good thing I actually needed to shit and it smelled really bad.

>>60833220
kek I'm a SAP "developer" and could say literally the same

Pre covid I used to go for 2 one hour walks a day. I’m book fake meetings in my diary, let everyone see me walk off with my laptop, cross the road to our other building and put my laptop in a locker with a mouse jiggler in and fuck off for my walk.

Post Covid and wfh I’d book fake teams meetings with myself, share screen so I went dnd and then would go for a walk. If I came back to an urgent message I’d just reply
>sorry I was presenting and sharing my screen only just off.

>>60836319
based. I just set DND and go somewhere

>>60836319
>>60836330
how healthy are you guys?
does your shirt drape on your tummy, or do you have flat tummies?

I heard people often become physically uncomfortable with pain as they age because they're fat or not in shape.

I'm 28 and feel great, only walk 5k every 2 days.

Looking back, would you spend your 2 hours any other way?

>>60836101
>What kino job do you do anon
Data analytics. Lots of SQL and python. Learn, and put ETL and DBT pipelines on your resume. A bachelor's in STEM helps. So does a few years of xp. Then you just need to get lucky with getting interviews/job offers. I have never used nepotism for jobs, just firing applications from the hip on indeed and LinkedIn.

>>60837367
Thanks anon. How job secure do you think your field is? Are you worried about AI at all (or would you be if you were a newcomer entering the field)?
Also, approximately what is the salary range?

>>60828647
This but unironically

>>60837393
I'm not worried for myself at all. I think AI is wholly inept without human control.

Getting into a career is always difficult. Lots of people want these types of comfy wfh jobs, so you'll have to stand out above the crowd somehow. I do this by perfecting project based interviews, getting lucky, and/or moral projecting (I emanate that I'm a good hard working man and I'm only satisfied when I accomplish tasks, and also have a high truth preference. It's true, but only outside of work kek)

50-100k

>>60836101
suck on pennies

>>60832393
>>60833220
i was thinking Jira.

I make a lot less than a lot of these posters but I do the bare minimum I can get away with. I have to be in on sat but there’s no supervisors, just me, so I just shitpost and read or play games almost all day between opening and closing. They don’t pay enough for me to care and my extra cash all goes to crypto so I can quit this charade.

>>60828764
>Always give my managers bad reviews
lel

I make six figs and get high all day and do nothing. My job is stressful as fuck and the work is starting to pile up. I reckon I can maybe milk this for 6 more months before I get shitcanned.

>>60828764
Devilish

you can't do that in my company. because you have to pass an automated door with id to go to the toilets. and in the end of the month your wage calculated as time in your desk x your hourly rate. my policy is you can smoke, shit, eat do anything you like but in the end of the month your desk hours counts.

plus you need to log what you are doing on your desk every hours. thankfully we'll automatize this with screen tracking software.

>>60837910
You deduct your employees hours for using the toilet? Only a matter of time before one of your wagies realize that they can sue your ass out of business, lmao

>>60837677
incite someone on your team to say something that can be construed as racist or derogatory towards you in whatever way. even if they use a pronoun and u r straight it can be big because you can claim you never announced your gender and they assumed you were cisgender.

save the email and when tyou get fired go to a lawyer with a 5 grand retainer. he will contact legal and hr who will do their own investigastion. then they find the email is legit you will get another 6 months severance on top of your existing 6 months easy..

>>60828614 (OP)
If companies really wanted to speed up the bathroom time they'd be installing bidets

>>60828631
no everyone is an English teacher in japan anon

>>60828764
fucking based
>>60832975
by constantly having to hire more workers for cleaning it costs the company more time and resources meaning it has less to notice anon taking from them
>>60832232
all you gotta do is start working out and talk about needing to eat a lot of protein. slip it into conversations with co-workers and they will notice it and even have your back if questioning ever starts