I went to Aldi recently
>bought a fresh, not frozen pizza
>the giant boys that I usually skip since I have to bike home with it
>though, why not, special treat?
>got home, followed the cooking directions, kept it cold the whole time
>popped it in the oven, timer shant out
>check on it, obviously not done
>give er a good fiver to finish up
>check again when the timer goes off
>looks good, real good, cheese brown, crust dark
>eat half of it
>some good 'za
>go on a walk, 20 minny round trip, nothing biggy
>halfway through I felt a grumble in my stomach
>had to shit, now, no options, had to make it home
>walked home, stopping every 30 feet to rearrange my guts to stop myself from shitting myself
>got home, walked up the two staircases, bowls rumbling like a thunderstorm
>put my key in the latch
>wrong fucking key
>immediately shit myself
>pants are full to the brim shoes are filling with detritus
>hobble to the bathroom and jump in the shower fully clothed and try to wash the sin off me

What was your worst food incident?

>>21396397 (OP)
>have to bike home with it
alcoholic huh

>>21396397 (OP)
I hate the cutesy words you use to tell your gay story. 20 minny? KYS, cunt. I'm pleased that you shat yourself.

>>21396397 (OP)
I love the cutesy words you use to tell your sexy story

>>21396397 (OP)
Speak English.

>go to Mexican friends house
>it’s taco night hell yeah
>fresh torty
>load up my torty with meat, melinated olives, and avocadies
>his sister sits next to me
>I get really nervous and start eating my tacoritos extra fast so I look alpha and don’t have to talk to her
>keep eating and lose track of time
>my friends dad comes and asks what happened to all the food
>ohshit.mp4
>turns out I ate the whole families dinner
>I get up to leave
>my friends sister tells me to have a safe drive home
>”you too”
>I puke in the yard
>it’s full of spaghetti

Based thread, very funny place to shid urself anon
I hope the pidzer was good, thoughbeit
I also have a shitmyself story due to food
It's quite long

>be me
>january 2024
>have been lactose intolerant since the end of highschool
>a bit annoying, but it will not stop me from eating cheese and pidzer and MACnCHEESE
>week has been okay with food. Not eaten too much dairy, but little each day adds up
>go hang out with my cousin
>we eat some chick-fil-a
>specifically with a side of da mac'n'ese
>best thing on the menu
>best thing around
>omw home after chillin
>start to feel a rumbly in my tumbly
>not too bad, but I gotta get home soon
>about 5m away from home I get another rumble
>no worries, I'm almost home
>get home
>now begins a series of little mistakes that compound into my greatest failure and lowest moment in life
>oh, let me put away my coat
>oh, let me take off my ring and necklace
>oh, I should take my wallet out of my pocket
>in the middle of my room, the rumbling has returned
>oh, let me take off my watch, I don't wanna poo with that on
>oh, let me put my hoodie away
>I'm almost prarie dogging at this point
>oh, let me take off my gun and holster and put it away
>oh, no
>as I'm tossing my phone onto my shelf, I begin to shit myself
>poop is coming out of my asshole and I am nowhere near the toilet
>I waddlesprint to the bathroom, inching closer to my demise
>up the lid, down my pants
>my final mistake, lowering my pants while faced 90 degrees away from the toilet
>as soon as the buttcheeks were exposed a deluge of chocolatey goodness evicted itself from my bowels
>*PLOOP*

>>21396721
>that was the sound the first round of artillery made as it dropped directly onto the floor, directly onto my bathroom rug
>the second round, now turned to face the proper direction, landed squarely at 11 O'clock on the toilet seat
>I think out of all the shit that was in my colon, less than a third of it went into the toilet water
>I sat, not realizing the damage zone of the second blast, smearing shit all over my right cheek. Another mistake.
>next, I moved my foot, as it was in an uncomfortable position and planted it directly in a third, previously unknown pile of dookie, which was obstructed by the angle of my leg. The ghost pile. Another mistake
>the sock was, needless to say, tossed into the garbage bin immediately
>it appears that the first fall had split, midair, mind you, into two separate dark-matter bombs
>throughout all of this, the rest of my clothes remained surprisingly clean. Other than the sock, I only had a little dab of poopoo on the bottom of my pant leg
>to summarize up until now, floor- shitted on, rug- beyond hope of salvation, asscheek- smeared in shit, sock- defiled, pants- miraculously evaded most damage, my soul and psyche- irreparably damaged, toilet bowl- empty

>>21396724
>I sat in my filth like a pig; An absolutle swine; And couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous situation. This was truly one of the moments of my life
>it was far from over, by the way
>once I deemed my colon sufficiently empty, I began the clean up
>I grabbed toilet paper and tried to scoop up the first pile and ghost pile
>the wonderful taste of Mac'n'Cheese was still in my mouth by this time btw
>anywho, as I was squatted down, scooping the dookie into the watery grave, I did not realize that I had made yet another mistake
>I did not clean my ass of shit before the clean up, as I thought the large damage zones would be more pressing
>this means that while I was squatted down like an indian, little droplets of shit would pepper the floor in previously undamaged areas
>I only realized this after it was too late
>eventually, the majority of shit was cleared off the rug, but it still seeped into it, so i knew it was a lost cause
>I cleaned the toilet seat. I scrubbed the rug with a dozen clorox wipes. I got in the shower to cleanse my soul of the damage I'd done
>after the water stopped running, the smell was unreal
>stepping out of the shower and into the miasma of my failures was like passing through an oblivion gate
>I tactfully hopped over the damage zones, opened the window as wide as it goes, and left the door to my bathroom closed the rest of the day
>I did not want anyone to know of this event, so I waited for my parents to go to work in the morning before I threw away the rug and deepcleaned the floor with chemicals, and left the window open again(middle of jan btw, so it was super cold) go complete wipe the smell

>>21396726
>when my parents asked me why I didn't wait till I had gotten a new rug in before throwing away the old one, I just responded with "wasn't thinking lol"
all in all, I'm not too upset about the situation. I got scwifty and it made for a good story to tell 4chan. I can look back and laugh at my retardation and I needed a new rug anyways since that one was old and damaged already (not from shit)
I'll never tell someone irl that this happened though, and hopefully it will never happen again. I was watching fishtank s2 when this happened btw. I blame Jet Neptune.
Thanks for reading my story
I will never stop eating mac n cheese btw

>>21396721
>>21396724
>>21396726
>>21396728
lel

>>21396706
Did u plap her?

One time I made a meal and it wasn't very good