>>149476460Alright, finally got around to reading this. Here are my two cents:
Judging this text solely from the first draft perspective (as in where the plot generally is headed), I don't have any major issues with it. It very much feels like "Batman meets Superman for the first time" type of story minus a subsequent team-up, a very solid formula. I do have some things to say about the specifics.
Essentially, this story needs some serious padding up. I agree with
>>149476798 except that it doesn't extend to Arthur alone. Right now, the character interations come off real dry, so it could really use some elbow grease in this department. This refers both to interactions you've already mapped out and those you might consider including, like maybe Crackdown and Frank exchanging a couple of words after Brad nicks off with a bloom sample.
I see what you're trying to pull off with Arthur comparing himself to football jocks like Jack, but the conclusions he draws from it feel a bit too straightforward. Arthur is *really* self-loathing, that is true, but most of the time he doesn't know what to think when it comes to other people, that's pretty much what got him into that Avoidant Attachment Style relationship with Lila in the first place. Are they good kids with futures so bright you got to wear shades or are they just vain meatheads cruising through life on easy mode in his eyes? I feel like you might have answered that question a bit too concretely. Oh and that bit sticks out real hard to me.
>Paulie: "Aw shit, aw shit! It's assimilating his mind!"Also, don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you are leaning into stuff from Issue 0 a bit too hard. Jack describing the sensation of his hand exactly as Derek did somewhat disconcerted me, though it might just be me growing disconcerted with my previous work in general.
So yeah, these are my thoughts so far. I might expand on this with further possible critique upon further rereads. Happy birthday.
