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I work in a tech firm in the Bay Area, and like every other tech firm, we have a lot of guys from India on H-1Bs. And look, I want to be clear: I have nothing against Indian people. They're always very polite, hard-working, and on paper, they're great colleagues.
But there's a specific dynamic that's been making my skin crawl, and it's how... deferential and almost intimate they are with me (a white guy). It goes way beyond professional courtesy.
For example, this one colleague, let's call him Raj. He's a brilliant guy, knows his stuff. But when he talks to me, he's constantly leaning in way too close. He'll find any excuse to touch my shoulder or my back when he's laughing. He remembers tiny, personal details about my life and brings them up in this... earnest, intimate way. The other day, I mentioned I liked a specific kind of cookie, and the next day he brought me a whole box he'd baked himself. Not for the team.
Just for me.
It feels like there's a constant, low-level effort to please me specifically. The constant head-bobbing, the overly soft tone of voice, the way they'll agree with everything I say even when they have a better idea. It feels less like respect and more like... submission. And it's starting to feel really, really gay.
I'm a straight guy, I have a wife and kids.
I'm not used to other men being this physically and emotionally familiar. The way they act, it's like something out of a romance novel directed at me. It's so effusive and personal that it crosses a line for me. I just want a normal, professional,
"bro-y" relationship where we fist-bump and talk about the game, not one where a grown man is looking at me with puppy-dog eyes because I approved his code.
I feel like an asshole for even thinking this, but the vibe is just off. Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I just being a paranoid homophobe?
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Last: 11/10/2025, 8:32:21 AM