>"The gains are with you young anon"
>"But you are not a /fit/izen yet..."

>>76362833 (OP)
>But master Yoda, I'm not a roid-head.

>>76362867
>"Iam here to get your fitness routine back on schedule."

Don't try to frighten us with your Starting Strength wheys Lord Vader. Your devotion to that ancient program has not helped you conjure up mires, or given you chadvoyance enough to find a girlfri-

>Don't try to frighten us with your scoob's ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religain has not helped you conjure up the stolen turkosterone, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the manlet's hidden fort...
I find your lack of gains disturbing.

>>76362899
>>76362904
This is getting out of hand! Now there are two of them!

>This turn of events with injuries is unfortunate. We must accelerate your gains. Begin your use of dianabol.
>Bro, is that... legal?
>I will make it legal.
>And the nattys?
>Scooby should never have brought them into this gym. Mog them immediately!

>I should have known the natties were plotting to keep everyone DYEL
>Anabolicin, Mr. Olympia Palpatine is evil!
>From my point of view the natties are evil!
>Well then your testicles are LOST!

>The bulk side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatty.

>That face you make... look I so old to young eyes?

No. Of course not.

>I do. Yes, I do. Sick have I become, old and weak... When nine hundred years old *you* reach, look as good *you* will not, hmm?

>>76362971
>You have allowed this fraud bro to twist your body, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to mog.
>Don't lecture me, Natty-Wan! I see through the lies of the natty. I do not fear the fraud side as you do. I have brought gains, mires, spotters, and women to my new routine.
>Your new routine?
>Don't make me out lift you.
>Anavarkin, my allegiance is to /fit/, to nattines!
>If you're not juicing with me, then you're my enemy.
>Only a fraud deals in absolutes.
>I will lift what I must.
>You will try.

Well this one fizzled out quick

>>76364195
I must have missed that quote. Is it from one of the Disney shows?

>>76365316
I must have missed that quote. Is it from one of the Disney shows?

>>76364195
>>76365316
>>76366819
Somehow, this thread returned

>>76366825
>Bro, the possibility of successfully navigating an Athlean-X routine is approximately three thousand seven hundred to one!

>Its over Anabolicin, I have the better form!
>You underestimate my lifting belt.
>Dont lift it!
>*proceeds to squat his dead lift and destroys his body*

>Never...I never join the fraud side, you failed Jeff...I am a natty...like my gym bro before his..

>We're wanted men. I've set off the lunk alarm in 12 planet fitness gyms.

>Good good, let the gains flow through you

>>76362833 (OP)
>What about the roid attack on the natties?

>>76370523

>Did you ever hear the tragedy of Dank Plagueis the Swoll?
He had great knowledge of PEDs, he could even keep the ones he cared about from losing gains.
>Is it possible to learn such power?
>Not from a Natty

>General Clenobi! You are an oldfag.

>>76370747
Back away! I will deal with this Natty slime myself.

>You lifted during the cross fit and youtube era?
>Yes, I was once a natty lifter as your father.
>He was the best star rated dietitian in the states, and a cunning lifter...and he was a good spotter.

Star Wars is for geeky, fat neckbeards. Crappy melodrama in space.

>>76370998
Post body...captain Anon

>>76363014
Gold lmao

>>76371013
>What if I told you that /fit/ was now under the control of a tust-me-bro of /fraud/ ?'

>I mogged them. I mogged them all. They're blackpilled, every single one of them. And not just the natties, but the cardiobunnies and the front desk too. They're like dyels, and I mogged them like dyels. LIGHT WEIGHT!

>>76371041
Good...good Anavarkin...now snake oil his gear...DO IT

>"His Huge Bloatedness, the great Grizzly the Greek, has decreed that your memberships are to be terminated immediately... You will therefore be taken to Planet Fitness and cast into the pit of Manlets, the nesting place of the all-powerful Gains Goblin... In its gym, you will find a new definition of dyel and skinnyfat, as you slowly lose your gains over a thousand years."

>his scalp DHT levels are off the charts. What does this mean?
>He's been taking creatine.

>You're a trooner aren't you?
What makes you say that?
>I saw your heart rate strap, only a cardio fag carries that kind of gear
Perhaps I mogged a trooner and took it from him?

I like how the sith are roiders in most of these parodies. Really fitting.

>These aren’t the roids you’re looking for.

>I can't abide those gym jeets...Disgusting creatures

>>76368296
lol

>>76369447
lol

>200,000 scoops have already been taken, with a million more well on the way

>Impressive, aren't they?

>>76370747
>anatren stairwalker
>I expected someone with your reputation to be...bigger

>>76371041
fucking kek

>>76362971
>Well then your testicles are LOST!

>>76371041
>LIGHT WEIGHT!

>Enter gym
>Its not the east or the west side. No its not....

>Aren't you a little short to be a weightlifter?

>>76371041
>to mog is to transcend humanity

>An elegant lmaopl8 for a more civilised age

>hokey supplements and ancient programs are no match for SQUATS AND OATS, kid

>>76373957
>Oh my, goodness gratious me
>I'm a gay mans golden fantasy
>programmed for homo ecstasy
>Ten billion forms of gay-positiony

>>76371041
kek

>I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as a squats vs press dispute

>>76371041

> "Aren't you a little DYEL to be a Stormtrooper?"

>Chancellor, we've received word from Obi-Wan Kenobi... he has entered the powerlifting meet
>And we can only hope that he is up to the challenge of breaking some PRs
>I should be there with him
>It's upsetting to me that the Natty council doesn't seem to recognize your good genetics...
>More and more I feel I'm being excluded from the council. I know there are things about fitness that they're not telling me.
>They don't trust you, Anakin. They see your future... they know that your gains will be too powerful to compete with. You must break through the fog of broscience that the council has built around you. Let me help you to know the subtleties of the gains.
>How do you know the ways of the gains?
>My personal trainer taught me everything about the gains... even the nature of the tren.
>You know the tren???
>Anakin, if one is to understand the great hypertrophy, one must study all it's aspects, not just the dogmatic "natural" view of the council. If you wish to become a complete and aesthetic bodybuilder you must embrace... a larger view of the gains. Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any natty... and you be even be able to save your body from a certain DYEL fate.
>...What did you say?
>Use my cycle, I beg you!
>You're the ROID LORD!
>Anakin, you've always been searching for a life greater than that of an ordinary natty... a life of significant vascularity, of visible striations.
>Are you going to try and mog me?
>I would certainly like to!
>I know you would... I can feel your desire to mog everyone in sight... it gives you focus, makes you stronger...
>I'm going to expose you as a fake natty to the council. I will quickly discover the best method to get big.
>You are strong and have great genes Anakin. Use the power of the juice. The power to finally make it.

star wars is for fucking dork incels lol kill yourselves fags

>>76362899
>wheys
heh

This is a great thread

>You had the chosen genetics! It was said that you would destroy the Frauds, not join them! Bring aesthetics to the Natties, not leave them blackpilled!

>I MOG YOU

>You were my gym bro, Anavarkin. I mired you...

>>76374620
KEK

> Suspiciously high Midichlorians
Is he natty?

>what took you so long?!
Oh you know masted, I couldn't find a squat rack that I really liked...away from the manlet pit and the whatsapp call jeets.

>peak gym hours
>this twink approaches you while you're lifting
>he wants to give you his "death stick"
What do you do, /fit/ man?

>Master Skywalker, there are too many moggings. What are we going to do?
>...
>*activates lightsyringe*

>oh you can spot Luke is that who you can spot?!

>>76371990
Extremely underrated

Luke, did i ever tell you about Ahsoka Tano? She was your father's exotic teenage alien lifting partner, a fine spotter from a more civilized age.

She had the hardest body and the perkiest little girl-pecs in the galaxy; barely natty in most systems.

Anakin and I used to spot her at the end of every successful squat session during the Cardio Wars and once in a while we'd have the whole gym hyping her, part of official natty "training" of course.

In time, she learned how to handle a barbell better than anyone in the Iron Temple. She wore Lululemon every day so we told her there were no panties under shapewear and since she was constantly doing leg lifts you'd get a glimpse of her outlined pussy mid lifts as she'd do a buttwink while using the hack squat machine backwards.

It was surreal.

We taught her to grip her barbell backwards like an idiot and she constantly got trapped by dropped bars and failed reps almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant dyel Luke, you have no idea.

And she was a good spotter.

>>76376167
fuck him in the ass with my cock stick

>Lifting slightly heavier weights in her line of sight and pretending you dont notice her isnt a real strategy to make her fall in love with you

>>76362971
>Anabolicin

>>76371041
>Yeaaahhh buddeh!
Kek

>Luke... help me off this roid gear.
>But your gains die and your organs will failure instantly.
>Nothing... can stop that now. Just for once... let me... mog you with my *own* hormones.
>*Luke removes Anabolicins roid gear, one syringe piece at a time. Underneath the gorilla wear, Luke sees the body of a pale, testicle rotten, bald-headed, acne ridden man - his old zoomer bro, Nattykin. Nattykin sadly looks at Luke but then gives a tired mire*
>Now... go, my bro. Leave me.
>No. You're lifting with me. I'll not leave you here, I've got to save your gains.
>You already... have, Luke. You were right. You were right about my body. Tell Scoob...you were right.
>*Nattykin smiles and his gains begin to droop, body slumps down in death on the bench press while giving one last dying rep*
Luke:Bro... I won't forget you.

>>76362971
>Anabolicin

>>76374690
>>76367094
>>76363014
>I have brought capped delts, cobra traps, bicep veins and horseshoe tris to my new physique!
>Your new physique?
>Don't make me mog you...

>>76377711
>If you won't spot me then you're a gym bully
only a dyel fag deals in absolutes...

>the lifts are strong with this one

>if any of my hair follicles will help I'll gladly donate them

>they cable fly now?

>My PR's have doubled since the last powerlifting meet, cunt.

>me seeing new year gym rush