Thread 76517714

A genie offers you fitness related perks but they have side effects in return. Which ones do you choose?

>can sprint faster than usain bolt but you can only use it when cosplaying as naruto and once a day for the rest of your life your ballsack gets eaten by an invisible dog that can't interact with anyone but you (it's painful) your ballsack regrows afterwards though. you can't avoid the invisible dog in any way (he can phase through objects and teleport to you no matter your location, you also can't touch him but he can touch you)

>become 7'0 with no health consequences but you have to get eaten alive by cockroaches every week. you respawn afterwards like nothing happened. you're magically teleported to them in a paralyzed state and time freezes for everyone else until they finish eating you

>you become the most popular fitness youtuber in the world but your intestines are pulled out from your anus every day by a vacuum cleaner, if you're sleeping it will still happen but in your dreams and it won't wake you. your intestines will regrow instantly afterwards and it won't effect digestion.

The genie also warns you if you don't pick any you will get tortured and raped by a magical mexican cartel for an infinity amount of years

>the most popular fitness youtuber
Like being employee of the month at a dollar theater.

seek christ OP

>>76517714 (OP)
i don't particularly like any of the options but the one where i get my balls mauled off by a dog sounds like the least painful

>>76517714 (OP)
i reject the genie and his false premises

why tho

>max difficulty
More like easy mode, ultimate victim status.

>>76517714 (OP)
The roaches one sounds pretty good ngl. You get to chill with a bunch of little friends and have plenty of time to meditate. Also never having health complications is op, technically you can just blast roids 24/7 with 0 sides, no mental health issues from the roaches too

>>76517714 (OP)
Can I get the roaches without being 7 feet tall?

>>76517714 (OP)
When the dog eats your balls, does it feel good for a second when it initially puts them in its mouth?

When the roaches eat you, is there a way to make them start with your penis?

When your intestines are sucked out, is it immediate or is there some kind of prolapse situation for a minute before the rest gets sucked out?
And regardless of speed, is it going to happen at the same time every day? Would you be able to edge for a couple hours beforehand so you can bust right as it's happening?

Please respond fast, thank you.

>>76517714 (OP)
>you're magically teleported to them in a paralyzed state and time freezes for everyone else until they finish eating you
If you can manage to withstand the torture (depending on how long it takes them to eat you), having that extra time to think and do any sort of mental activity can be an insane superpower.
Practicing visualizations, mental rehearsals, memory palace memorization techniques, math and logic puzzles, chess, creative exercises, deep philosophical pondering, mental debates, practicing languages, etc.
Even just using it to meditate and training to become like those monks who are able to stay still while being burned alive, can make it worth it.

Honestly being 7'0 might be the actual deal-breaker.
Make it 6'4 and I'm sold.

>your ballsack regrows afterwards though
You're saying it regrows, as opposed to it respawning. Does it mean that it's a new ballsack every time? Like a lizard tail?
Does it mean that it's healthy and free of aging, so that you have young balls (with young testosterone levels) for the rest of your life?
That's basically endogenous TRT without the downsides.
Plus, imagine timing your workouts to right after it happens. You're ready for war AND you have fresh balls.
Again, the running thing is barely a perk.

>>76517714 (OP)
>in the middle of first NBA game
>newcomer white guy showing a lot of promise
>six points up in the third and he calls a time out, lies down fora fraction of a second
>gets back up and gets in the game
>let’s run that one back
>slomo on the Jumbotron shows him convulsing being eaten by magic cockroaches
>this kid is taking the league by storm

>>76517714 (OP)
Can we pet the invisible dog after he's done?

>>76517714 (OP)
Do we get to pick the dog?
Does this count?
https://desu-usergeneratedcontent.xyz/int/image/1593/00/1593007620592.webm

>>76518112
Is it going to be a heckin smol boi pupperino nibblerino, or a big flooferoni pupperoni chonkeroni chomperoni? :O
No petting this goodest boye fren >:| but he can boop the snoot :DDD
After he snacc he blep. He do a bork then a mlem. And after that, happy zoomies! (he LOVES the nomsies haha) :3

>>76517714 (OP)
I'd kick the genie's ass and make him suck my dick. They're all fucking faggots

>>76517714 (OP)
HEY GUYS, JEFF NIPPLES HERE *SOUND OF A HOOVER BEING TURNED ON*
AAAHHHHH FUCKING HELP ME

>>76517714 (OP)
>jewish whore gets impregnated by roody poo but continues pounding drugs and alcohol
Jesus, is this what (((they))) wanted?
Their own women drank too much of the social engineering cool aid

>>76517714 (OP)
Choosing jew is ez mode
>gets to hide behind antisemitism when called out for anything
>gets free rape passes by fleeing to israel with the law of safe return
>can rape goyim kids cuz muh talmud says it is ok
>tons of lending institutions for jews

>>76518941
Kek

>>76518622
Brother you wrote this about a dog eating your balls

>>76517714 (OP)
>The genie also warns you if you don't pick any you will get tortured and raped by a magical mexican cartel for an infinity amount of years
Immunity-dog will protect me, faggot!

>>76517714 (OP)
I think Option #3 is the least bad, like I've had more fucked up dreams than that just from /b/-induced PTSD. What's the arm circumference cutoff for JewToob fitness influencers these days?

>>76520975
The vacuum in the dream is the least bad side effect, but it comes with being the top fitness youtuber, which is also the least good perk.

>>76517714 (OP)
>difficulty
He gets a pass for most of those.
Max difficulty is poor White bald manlet

option one is free. you get to run fast and dress up as naruto. there's literally no downside.

>>76517714 (OP)
I take the wish where I double famine and increase student debt by 60%

>>76517714 (OP)
And still lives a happier life than OP.

>>76524141
That's only thanks to the down's

>>76522577
Based dog lover0