Thread 76598374

Take a seat, have a drink.

What's on your mind? How's progress?

>>76598374 (OP)
I discovered brambles last weekend. Made some at home last night. It led to fingering my wife's ass. Good times.

How have you been, bartender op?

I hate waking up in the morning. There is no joy here anymore. No sunset, just me waiting to die

When i was 20 i wondered what my life would be when i'm older, i'm 32 now and its exactly the same it was back then.
Now i realize it will be the same until i die, if i don't die early its another 40 years of exactly the same. I feel like i've already experienced everything existence has to offer.
I don't even know if any of it is real, everyone feels like an npc. Everyone talks about the same things, does the same things, wants the same things.
I'm not depressed, i still enjoy doing things but it just causes me to not really care about anything.

>>76598374 (OP)
I made a productivity tracker after I found a system that itches that part of my brain just right. Used it for a couple days, then fell completely off the wagon I’ve been in for the last few weeks. No wife to finger in the ass. Pretty lonely times. I realize the way out of my hole is to climb though.

>>76598567
Same brother. Although I do still really like identifying plants and fungi. That and bugs will always fascinate me when it comes to life and evolution or creation.

>>76598374 (OP)
barman, hand me a nonalcoholic drink without milk please. im preparing for another week of corporate brainrot.

Elbow hurts so I'm trying to go easy on it, which kinda sucks because I was really making some progress. Youtube recommended me a video about how "You don't want to be in love, you just want somebody to love you" and that really hit deep. I really don't even want a gf, I just want some validation. To be wanted for once. Really seems like it would feel nice

>>76598582
I don't know anything about botany but i also find plants remarkable.
You put a tiny seed in the ground and months/years later something grows that gives you food to survive, we make medicine from them and photosynthesis seems unreal.

Been on the exercise bike every night, tummy is nice and flat.

The antibiotics I'm on are making me lose more hair than normal, which is upsetting but once I finish the course it should stop.

I look healthy, cut out all sugar, plant milk, spinach, broccoli, sprouts everyday now

>>76598374 (OP)
I have been one month being inconsistent because of employment issues.

And I have to wait one more month before I can finally move out from my parents shitty place and leave behind my videogame addiction and other problems.

Broke up with the gf of 7 years a couple weeks ago
We were still trying to maintain friendship but realized that couldn't work
First couple days going cold turkey no contact
Can't even lift today due minor injury
Feelin pretty rough bros

I finished my first week of class as a student in my mid-30s.
Surprisingly there were more women in my STEM classes than I thought. There wasn't much time to socialize, though it was mostly going over the courses. I noticed a few people already knew each other, hopefully nothing cliquey.
At least there are groups in a lab that give me the opportunity to meet new people. It seemed there are more females in my assigned lab too.
I wasn't thinking and missed a chance in another class to talk to one of the few girls. I'll definitely do it this week, if she hasn't dropped.

Struggling with managing my bipolar, suicidal for my entire life. The feeling got back, after being free of it for a few months of therapy.

My new doctor is amazing, though. After 10 years, I'm finally close to the right treatment. Never felt weirder, never felt better.

If anyone here feels hopeless, believe me, it's possible, even after years of struggle...You might find relief within even 2-3 months. I just had to get ready to talk to someone, and my meds didn't work...You'll be more fortunate.

I'd be glad to talk to you as well. Stay strong.

I'm >>76598837

>>76598486

>>76598769
My therapist is an addictologist. I have no medical advice to offer, but perhaps I can share some of his insights...How are you managing your addiction?

>>76598788
why did you break up?

>>76598374 (OP)
I FUCKING HATE MY DAD. I CAN'T EVEN COOK $5 GROUND BEEF AROUND HIM WITHOUT HIM BITCHING I SPEND TOO MUCH. He's like most kids your age just eat pb and j. If you have so much money you should pay your car insurance. He never mentioned it before, and like fine, I'll pay it if it gets you off my dick, but I already know it won't. The smallest shit pisses him off. My mom cooked pasta different and he yelled at her, saying how she ruined it and he was looking forward to this all week. The worst part though is that I'm financially dependent upon him. I'm working towards a cfp, and can't make enough money to live on my own. FUCK IT ALL

>>76598676
It really is. Even the pattern and colors of bark on trees goes widely unnoticed but is absolutely beautiful. And if I remember right, cherry bark is where acetaminophen came from. Botany is tight

Another weekend spent wasting my life. Not making any personal progress. I can't even bring myself to watch films or TV shows anymore. I just sit around and mindless watch videos on my phone. I need to break this cycle. Up for work in a few hours, back to the grind. The grind of life over 30 is just brutal, but I will improve. Any advice?

>>76598867
She was turning 30 and I was spending too much time working. So she went to her mother for support but her mother is evil. Once her mother got in her head the relationship was cooked. All of a sudden it all became about the money. Which is so sad because she was never like that at all.
I'm looking at it as a blessing. Will leave me a lot more time to pursue my own interests.
I just feel immense pain over what my ex will be going through and guilt over it

late night bulk eating has me throwing up every morning

not food, just wretching up acid and my morning coffee/tea

>>76598374 (OP)
Pain killer please.

It's week three of sleeping in the woods every weekend by myself. Rain storm hit and put out my fire but I had a couple buddy burners on standby to use in my shelter. I started intermittent fasting and am down 12lbs from two weeks ago. Unfortunately my schedule isn't consistent so getting gym time in while fasting is really challenging and I'm missing days for the first time since Februaury as a result and it's starting to weigh on me mentally as a result.

Also the turtle seems really happy, I think I'm gonna call it Chuck

>>76598958
>7 years
>no ring
>30+
you're both used goods
what a waste

Girl wants to fuck me. I don't want her. At the same time I feel like I should fuck someone before I turn wizard.

>>76598374 (OP)
>hate being center of attention
>haven’t had family be a real family in over 20 years parents split when I was 7
>when moved in with dad at 23 stopped seeing mom and sister as often
>became comfortable around my dad again over the years but way more uncomfortable than I previously was around my mom and sister
>any time I see them they make big deal about it don’t just treat me normal, also get bothered about shit already stressing me out
They’ve also all (whole family) done things that have made me uncomfortable throughout my life. I love them but I don’t feel a need to see them. Some texts or phone calls and that’s enough for me. They make me feel shitty for not doing holidays or seeing them. It’s nerve wracking when I’ve tried. It’s also my mom and dad are trying to come together for holidays and they haven’t done that since I was 6 so it’s weird to me. On top of it my sister has a husband now, I like the dude but I don’t know him and I don’t feel a need to be friends with him or engage, so I not only feel like a stranger in the one setting I should feel totally at ease but I also feel like there’s a stranger there too. I have talked to him and helped him do shit over the years I just don’t care to interact, which is how I am with everyone. I’m perfectly happy being ignored and left alone probably because that’s how these people made me feel for my first 21 years. Instead I get this fucking spotlight and it’s abnormal. So I just avoid them and make excuses. And the wildest part is none of them can fucking seem to understand this they just think I’m an antisocial prick for no reason. It makes me sad, I wish it wasn’t like this. And they make me guilty, I wish they understood. I’ll never be able to meet a woman and have dealings with her family, I’ll never be comfortable with my own family. I’ll never be able to start my own family.

DRINK!

>>76599038
>I think I'm gonna call it Chuck
it did not turn out to be a menace?

post pic of said happy turtle

I'm losing faith in myself. I doubt I can be happy. I used to think fixing things about my life I'd stop feeling so shitty all the time, but while some things I've accomplished do feel good, they don't change that I baseline feel like shit all the time. I used to blame feeling like shit on actual things that felt like shit, like not having a gf or friends, being out of shape, not having money or a job or purpose etc, but even with those things sorted out I still feel like shit, except I can't quite point out why. there's nothing left to fix, sure there are challenges every day, but the more I grow, the better my life is, the more I just wanna drink myself to oblivion all the time
And I'm so burned out. I worked so hard to achieve many things and now I have even more responsibility than before and I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm sick of having to work so much, of having to take care of so much shit, of me getting drunk one day meaning the next day I'm already behind for everything.
I wanted to have children and build a family but sometimes I question that goal. Lately I've been feeling like I might rather just dump my fiancee and become a full time drug addict. The only times life has a semblance of being bearable are when I'm drunk, but it doesn't even cut it. Sometimes I drink and all I think about is killing myself. And then I'm hungover, late with things and have less money in my account, so it just makes it worse in the long run.
I'm also an incredibly shitty boyfriend, my girl just sticks with me because of stockholm syndrome and the fear of me killing myself if she leaves. But at this rate I'm gonna end up doing it anyways and she's going to have to experience and incredibly shitty and unfair situation, though I'm sure that deep inside there will be some relief.

>>76599057
It’s not my fault, but I’m the one eating a shit sandwich. And I know I’ve definitely tried to be with them over the years I just can’t do it

>>76599086
Naw it seems like its doing way better, spent the first half of the week burrowing under the leaves I put in its enclosure to hide but now it spends all its time in the bucket and hanging out in its water dish. It even lets me pet its shell now without running away :)

>>76599190
What’s the green
Get him some worms or slugs and he’ll love you

>>76598844
Hey anon, I totally forgot about this thread.

I am glad that you are experiencing an improvement with your mental health.

I have attended professional help for addiction and other issues, but there was not consistent improvement. I firmly believe that the only way to overcome my addiction is to live in my own place away from my parents, and having a computer without the technical features to allow gaming. My situation is very complex because there are a lot of factors in play.

Why do you have suicidal tendencies? How did your whole illness start?

>>76599195
I got him some worms from the gas station, turns out they are dyed green for whatever reason and his poops are neon green now as a result. The dye isn't toxic and will go away on its own however until the worms shed the dye it will keep coming back if he keeps eating them. I just released them in the kiddie pool so they are under the dirt somewhere

>>76598374 (OP)
drank a bit too much last night, and went to bed at 3am, which led to me waking up late and not well rested, which is currently kind of ruining my day and now it's 3pm and I still haven't showered.

How do you fix this

>>76599228
i was pretty certain he was chillin' in antifreeze. thanks for putting my mind at ease.

>>76598374 (OP)
Pretty good. Though I weighed myself both in the morning and after workout and there was a 600g/1.3 lbs of difference which weirded me out a bit since I don't think I sweated 1.3 lbs of water. Leaving that aside, everything is going fine. Slow and steady wins the race.

I want to change jobs but the current economy has got me scared
I just want a less toxic workplace and more money
Thankfully I'm slowly pulling myself out of debt and can move out of my parents by the end of the year

>>76598486
real

>>76599247
Naw, I cleaned it out just now too, first time I've been home.today. did you get a chance to check out that mocktail?

>>76599228
I thought it was an old paint thing lmao. You can get worms from a pet shop. They also eat plants but idk what kind exactly. I think you can buy grass from most pet shops now that you could even plant in his enclosure. It’s called pet grass I don’t think it’s cat nip just literally a grass that animals eat. But probably needs a wide range of stuff to thrive. Some fruit some berries some greens bugs etc, think the type of shit he would find in your area. I think they’ll even eat mushrooms


Looked it up, as adults they eat mostly plants but still like some meat (bugs)
>Common plant foods include berries, dandelions, lettuce, kale, squash, and tomatoes flowers fruits veggies
You could most likely grow most of those yourself in your backyard with minimal equipment then have free food for him and yourself

>>76599190
he looks A-DORAble! can you also pet his little head? maybe you can put some stones too, for climbing and more water if he likes it so much? like some kind of parkour

>>76599228
>/fit/ bathing its pets in gatorade
but why was your bathwater pink? are the neon worms for fishing? beautiful pattern, no wonder turtle carried the world, if their shell is made of resonance. are you keeping him?

Talking to turtle anon just now made me realize, I’m not living. He’s living. He’s doing stuff. Look at him. He’s sleeping outdoors, he’s got a turtle friend he’s rehabilitating. Every day is the same for me. I wake up at 2am work until 4pm get home and sleep by 8pm. I do nothing. I have a 3 day weekend and all I wanna do is lay around.


I could go to the store get myself new fishing line some new lures and go fishing like I used to, at least it’s something. For fucks sake I live on the beach but I’m too fat to make use of it. I have all this opportunity in front of me and km letting it slip me by. I want to live and experience stuff. I feel like an NPC in a town that the main character hasn’t even discovered yet. I want to be the main character of my story not this same fucking lay around and rot and play world of Warcraft on my weekends bullshit. For fucks sake I want to feel things I want to push myself to get fit again and feel the miserable parts of it at least then I’m alive. And I can’t seem to just get moving. I have a dozen other issues but at least I could cope with them if I know I did cool shit each week instead of “I have xyz outsmarting problems and also I only doom scrolled and beat off all weekend”

>>76599334
Outstanding* not outsmarting


I’m getting more enjoyment out of anons turtle journey than with anything I’ve personally done in years because I have done nothing

>>76598567
Seconded. There's nothing left of interest in life and anything that is isn't worth the squeeze. I'd unironically like to travel but will not put up with the clusterfuck it entails. I'm 30 and feel like I'm in my retirement era where I will just wait to die when I run out of money.

>>76599331
>but why was your bathwater pink?
It was orange from filling it up with carrot bits. When I found Chuck he was increadibly dehydrated and his eyes were swollen shut. A quick google search taught me that the swollen eyes was from a vitamin A deficiency and that I could fix it by putting him in carrot water. Basically it force fed him carrots while he was drinking water to rehydrate and it fixed both issues after a few days.
>are the neon worms for fishing?
Yes, there are no pet stores near me since i live deep in the sticks so its gas station and digging them up myself unless i want to make a 1.5hr milk run
>beautiful pattern, no wonder turtle carried the world, if their shell is made of resonance.
Well said
>are you keeping him?
Not decided, maybe once fall hits I'll let him go burrowing since I have no clue how to take care of him

>>76598795
Good luck desu. I met my soon to be wife at university as well (I was a complete autist), just force yourself to be social and you will be grateful for it later. I also recommend not solely going in to date someone as it can put a lot of pressure in you, just try to make friends and see where the opportunities it opens leads you.

>>76598374 (OP)
I herniated a disc a few months ago and every time I think it's healed I'll sleep wrong and aggravate it again.
I'm not sure what to do anymore.
Do I start popping oxies and blaming the sacklers?

>>76599089
I feel ya, sort of in the same boat in many aspects. The only thing to do is to just keep on pushing, all the cheesy shit; hobbies, lifting weights, focusing on gf and drinking at reasonable times (my current is every 3rd weekend but then I go all in fri-sun). We can only hope it gets better with time.

>>76599089
>I'm losing faith in myself. I doubt I can be happy. I used to think fixing things about my life I'd stop feeling so shitty all the time, but while some things I've accomplished do feel good, they don't change that I baseline feel like shit all the time. I used to blame feeling like shit on actual things that felt like shit, like not having a gf or friends, being out of shape, not having money or a job or purpose etc, but even with those things sorted out I still feel like shit, except I can't quite point out why. there's nothing left to fix, sure there are challenges every day, but the more I grow, the better my life is, the more I just wanna drink myself to oblivion all the time
I've kind of had the same sentiment for a while, where it's like everything in my life is getting better, but I don't feel any better for it.

>>76599334
>>76599349
I appreciate it bro. I try really hard to enjoy my life while I'm young enough to still. Watching a lot of people.that I care about wither away the last year and a half really made me kick my life into gear and I spend a lot more time doing the stuff I always wanted to instead of watching those things through other people on YouTube. I pretty much fail at everything but it's never from a lack of trying

>>76599055
As someone who recently lost their virginity this way, if you don’t have any reservations about your first time feeling special and being an asshole, go for it. Physically it feels good obviously, but emotionally I felt bad the whole time because I was using her. Using her is what you’re proposing, no? Know that if you do, you should be prepared for the emotional fallout from her. It is asshole behavior, but it’s also ripping off the bandaid finally.

Also you better be sure she actually wants to fuck you and that you’re not just making it up.

40 year old virgin here. firstly im sick and tired of everyone sobbing about relationships here. man up
in serious news, my left forearm outside muscle is still kinda weak after i pulled it. LAST EASTER. wtf
in other news magnesium rules.
1 arm hangs are killing me.
broke my little toe last week when i bumped it into the door. it stil hurts.
the older i get the more i work out to white girl music. the last lady gaga dance song is a fucking killer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGaZBfJOyAc
im seriously not gay. the song just slaps ong.

>>76599989
>im seriously not gay
>40 year old virgin

>>76599089
I know that feel anon. I use to get joy in life from simple shit, even watching a show I liked would put me in a good mood. Now I feel like I get bo joy from anything. I can make real progress in life and it feels like nothing, it all feels pointless.

I want a vodka redbull: I am consumed by obssessive compulsive thoughts to kill people, In my head I am told that I cannot acclimate to a new job because I am not "fast enough" for employers, I am afraid of hurting myself in every little task. My only hope for fighting my obsessions is bjj and yet it doesnt feel like its enough. I do not know what I am to be and if I can overcome the grip my obsessions have over my mind.

>>76600115
You should unironically seek help

>>76600156
Im trying to fix myself with meds and sleep but sometimes the obsessions get so Intense that I have to do something to stop the episode

>>76600172
Kinda cringe ngl

>>76600183
What could I do different that isnt cringe?

>>76598931
Don't underestimate the little things that keep you going.

Long island iced tea, I dont know what I want to be in the next 5 years

Just soda water for me.
I convinced my GP to give me oral min today for my hair loss. I managed to stop the hair loss with the finasteride, but after six months haven't seen any regrowth, I'm hoping the min will change that so I don't need to do the lame combover. I'm still lucky enough to be able to do the combover, but it could be better.
I've also started to steadily lose weight again.
WAGMI

>>76600004
As has been said countless times: older virgins are almost never that way because of being gay, or having too high standards, or being ugly. It’s because they have no social skills

>the only hobby I have is officiating sports
>usually spend my weekends doing it, it gets me outside and also earns money
>today I had a soccer game, boys under 19 (highest age group before college/adult), at the highest level league
>for anyone who knows soccer, game ended with 8 yellow cards (4 each) and two second yellow reds (one for each)
>really feel like shit about my performance having it end up like that, and when it’s the only thing you’re good at and enjoy, it’s a really tough feeling

blueberry juice plz

anyone got any book recommendations on dealing with being a sad little unwanted chuddy

therapy is simply too expensive for me right now


yes i know getting out there and being a part of shit is probably the best thing i can do but, easier said than done for me right now i guess

>>76600858
>dealing with being a sad little unwanted chuddy
No book is going to help and you know it. Go outside. But if I were to make a recommendation, check out The Man the Moment Demands by Jason Wilson

>>76600875
yeah, nice to think it might though, i'll check it out, should keep me busy at least, thanks anon

>>76598374 (OP)
I cured my sleep apnea completely by cutting out sucralose. It was absolutely insane. For the first time, I didn't wake up with a pounding heartbeat or headache and gasping for breath. I never realized it could be so simple. I'm feeling really motivated to make other changes in my life now.

>>76600858
The Catcher in the Rye

>>76598374 (OP)
I've lost 5 kg in a few months. Without even exercising: I had to stop because I started a rather physical job and just started exercising again a few weeks ago. I've lost some size but gained muscle definition. After years of neet depression I kind of feel all right. Life is simple now: I work, sleep, exercise and play music. I've never had (realistic) goals in my life but everything is better now that I just work, have good sleep hygiene and focus on the instant, especially playing live instants. They fill my feel good tank up to the next gig without making me crave them. I haven't been this ok for this long since childhood. Turns out I didn't need an amazing life, just a balanced one. Would recommend.

>>76601005
I have this but it gives me no joy and makes me feel empty

>>76601070
Get depression and manage to cure yourself, you'll get it. Also, anhedonia (things once enjoyed not enjoyed anymore) is an alarming symptom of depression, which you can have with or without sadness: other negative emotions such as anger, resentment fear or despair will do.

>>76599089
Stop drinking unironically, drinking is a depressant and it is adding to your self loathing.

Honestly I just feel empty in life. Not to be one of those le wrong generation fags but I just hate the modern world. I hate modern dating, I hate smart phones, I hate the Internet (I understand the irony of this), I hate modern TV snd Films and games, I hate how everyone in my city is now a foreigner, I hate how all the woodlands have been demolished and turned into housing estates etc etc why couldn't I have gotten to live my 30s and 40s in the 1980s and 1990s. I just can't help but feel like I missed out in getting to live my life in a time that would have suited me as a person perfectly. But instead I get this era of pure slop.

>>76601887
Then leave the modern world behind. That is, if you really wanted to

>>76600858
Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski.

>group of friends made at gym last year
>they all do zyns, say nicotine stimulant is great for focus
>have never been interested until lately
>gas station is out of zyns, cashier says they have grizzly which is same thing
>buy a can and decide to try it
>sit down in car and pop one
>within 30 seconds, limbs are tingling, start losing motor control
>slumped over in car slightly panicked I'm having allergic reaction, spit it out
>call friend and ask what the fuck
>friend asks what dose I bought
>there are doses?!
>number on can says 12mg
>he says zyns max out at 9mg, I bought the super strong shit
>having no nicotine tolerance, fucked me up immediately
>tells me buy a piece of candy to keep my blood sugar up and balance the nicotine, I should feel okay after an hour
>even though I spit it out almost immediately, feel fucked up for 30 minutes
jesus. /blogpost

>>76602075
That is what you get for caving to peer pressure

>>76602077
They've never even peer pressured me, I was just curious man

>>76602082
Even worse then, a self own.

>>76601887
I know this feel, why must life be like this.

Everyday we slip closer to hell

Started going to gym every day, its been 3 weeks now and this is my schedule so far
>mon
30 mins hard cardio (stair machine, bike)
30-45 mins - leg workout
1 hour mins - sauna (2 x 20 minute sessions, 20 mins in a pool, relaxing)
>tues
30 mins hard cardio (stair machine, bike)
30-45 mins - biceps/triceps workout
1 hour mins - sauna (2 x 20 minute sessions, 20 mins in a pool, relaxing)
>wed
30 mins hard cardio (stair machine, bike)
30-45 mins - chest workout (my least favourite day desu)
1 hour mins - sauna (2 x 20 minute sessions, 20 mins in a pool, relaxing)
>thurs
30 mins hard cardio (stair machine, bike)
30-45 mins - shoulders workout
1 hour mins - sauna (2 x 20 minute sessions, 20 mins in a pool, relaxing)
>fri
30 mins hard cardio (step machine, bike)
30-45 mins - back workout
1 hour mins - sauna (2 x 20 minute sessions, 20 mins in a pool, relaxing)
desu my upper body is pretty chubby but I have broad shoulders and very muscular legs/calves (I was just gifted with these) obviously there has been no progress yet but I have been feeling really good. I usually only eat 1 meal a day (800 grams around 3pm each day. What do you guys think? I am only new to this and haven't put much research in.

>>76602378
Must be nice being a neet

>>76602378
I forgot to add I am
>30
>5'9
>100kg/220pound
>>76602392
I am currently working nightshifts so I have been able to take advantage of an empty gym during the days, will definitely change when I get put back on days

>>76602403
Ah fair enough, nightshifts are comfy as fuck because you don't have to deal with normies.

>>76602420
>normies
faggot

>>76602424
t. normie

YESTERDAY WAS SQUAT DAY
TODAY IS ASS-HURT DAY
REEEEEE
Screwdriver, please.