>>105842757 (OP)Yeah I mean my last boyfriend (technically sorta-kinda fiancé but not really) committed suicide 5 years ago today actually. They don't tell you that when someone you're living with commits suicide, the authorities confiscate all of your electronics and go through them to make sure you didn't do anything fishy. My mom didn't come to the funeral even though I begged her to. I miss him so much still. The grief was so strong it became physical. I literally couldn't breathe right for months. It doesn't fully go away.