>>29624508
Because being trans is hard and sucks, but you're even more likely to kill yourself if you repress it and try living a closeted life for too long. Go talk to a therapist instead of looking for advice here, seriously.
>>29624510
Go on there and find out for yourself, I have no idea where you live and what they are like there, but plenty of trannies enjoy having their dick sucked. most are looking for top "straight" men, so treat it like eating out a girl's pussy, something you do to get them excited, ie foreplay, more for their pleasure instead of seeming like a gay dude that just wants to suck a cock. And yes, lots of hot passable trans in larger cities (think NYC, LA, SF, London, Chicago, Seattle, etc.)