can we have a thread about pic related? it's funny and it's been a while

No

>>17773817 (OP)
Aztec history be like
>King Chochocolatititl of Tututetan declares his 26th wife to be his favorite one and mother to his heir.
>King Tlatletlotlatlo of Chuchucho, father of Chochocolatititl's 34th wife becomes pissed
>He sends a massive army (30 men), who march a long distance all the way to Tututetan (some 6km of distance, just across the river)
>All of Tututetan 14 buildings are burned. Its entire population of 210 people is captured and brutally sacrificed in a pyramid
>Strategic diplomatic victory for Chuchucho

Finnish history be like
>

US history be like
>hey nice continent, be a shame if somebody filled it with enslaved negroes
>nnnnooooooo not muh heckin niggerino's!!!
>hehehe stupid yanks

>>17773817 (OP)
Greek history be like:
>Thousands of Greek City states vibe in the Aegean Sea
>One of them decides to troll the Largest Superpower in History
>Persians cooming from the east
>PHALANX.JPEG
>Persians fail twice to conquer Greece
>Athens becomes the Strongest Naval Power and creates a league of allies to prevent more Persian attacks
>Invents Democracy. Philosophers in Garbage Cans. Life is good
>Extracts tribute from across the Aegean Sea.
>Angers enough City States that they form their own rival league
>Use naval power to dominate the war
>Get destroyed in Sicily
>Lose Navel Hegemony. Enemy supported by Persians
>Spartan Golden Age time
>Get Conquer by Phillip the Chad of Macedon
>All of Greece is Unified
>Perfects the Phalanx for Persian Invasion
>DIES suspiciously
>Gigalexandros Speedruns his way through the Persian Empire
>Assimilates Persian Administration. Becomes Persian
>Renames every city after himself
>Reaches India but his soldiers are exhausted
>Heads back to the Persian Capital to plan his next invasion
>DIES suspiciously without an heir
>Allows the strongest general to succeed him
>they split his empire up
>Hellenistic Period Baby
>Romans, Yuezhi, and Parthians are cooming
>Turns out Phalanx is outdated
>Lose badly, Get conquered
>Greek side of the Roman Empire becomes extremely wealthy
>Is able to survive the fall and become the Byzantine Empire
>Hundreds of Barbarian Invasions and Civil wars later
>Turks Conquer Byzantines
>Greeks cope under turks for hundreds of years
>revolt in 1821
>Monarchy followed by Dictatorship
>Democracy again

>>17773817 (OP)
Canadian history be like
>...
>.........
>.......................
>........................................
>.................................................
>TRENCH RAIDERS
>..........................................................................................................

Chinese history is quite funny because it's just 10 - 1000 million people dying every now and then from a civil war.

>>17773989
yeah, vely vely funny.
unless you ale chinese

>>17773989
how come so much people die so easely?

>>17773817 (OP)
Quebec history be like :
>Jean-Paul Trucmuche stubs his toe on a uneven pavement in the Westmount neighborhood of Montreal, leading him to publish a ravenous anti-english manifesto
>the manifesto sparks a new nationalist movement which sweeps through the entirety of the province
>they decide to vote (lmao) on independance
>in response, the feds steal money from every other provinces order to send 30 billion dollars more in equalization payments to Quebec
>the tributary gift satiates most Quebecois, who don,t even bother coming to vote at the 41st sovereignty referendum (only haitians and ethnic french bother showing up)
>the "No" camps wins by 50.0000000000000127% of the votes
>the feds say there will not be a single recount
>the Quebecois deflates once more, wiping their tears off with their newly acquired 30 billion stipend and promise that one day they'll be free
>repeat ad nauseam

>>17773971
This isn't funny but damn do I love me some quick summary.
Saved the screencap

>>17773971
nothing about the conquest of Persia makes sense for me. neither how a populace that tiny could conquer a territory that large, nor how swiftly it turned into dust.

>>17773971
>Lose Navel Hegemony
erm ...

>>17774027
Rice is a hell of a food
Mercury is a hell of a drug

>>17774760
funniest so far, saved

>>17773971
>Spartan Golden Age time
>Get Conquer by Phillip the Chad of Macedon
You forgot the part in between where Sparta was broken and Greece subjugated by the power of weaponized homolust

>>17773817 (OP)

>>17775529
This was posted on my bday

>>17773958
American history is based
>Raid on the Smith Caravan
>A raiding party of 20 Comanche attacked the caravan consisting of Smith, his two sons, wife, daughter, and two servants
>The Smiths held off the Comanche for an hour, killing four before being overwhelmed
>Smith, one of his sons, and both his servants were killed
>His other son was scalpsed but survived and reach fort Browning where he alerted the 2nd Cavalry who sent a massive force of 30 cavalrymen to track down the kidnapped women
>In a climactic battle the 30 US cavalrymen faced down 40 Comanche resulting in 20 dead and the rescue of the women
>Young Eager Buffalo lost his mother during the attack and would go on to fight the US arny for 55 years before being forced onto a reservation at the age of 70

>>17773817 (OP)
russian history be like
>germanic invasion
>25% of population dead
>total victory

>>17775529
>gayhammer

Croatian history be like
>Eugen Klještić takes power
>millions perish in concentration camps
Slovenian history be like:
>Count Baron Kaiser Hans Beispieler von Mitteleinzigeheimatplatz Dortmundgastarbeiter marries half sister Špela Močiglubnispočnibor Zveznijanezovihribnikzubnikpogačar triggering a pond fishing dispute between King Umberto Sudtiroletti Friuloni Furlani Frigorifero Adriatico and suicidal Romantic poet Primož Hochenkuchen Babnik von Vulvasor establishing the Grand Duchy of Novi Babji Zob a tax haven with a population of 1

>>17773817 (OP)
i want this but with japanese history

Mesopotamian history be like:
>I, Ramzah Shirham, the King of Kings, the son of heaven and earth, the restrainer of the moon and the sky, blessed by the waters of Urushku, mounter of the sacred oxen, born of the forty winds, wearer of the gilded sandals, plunderer of Nunvehnah, of the gilded cup, master of the four corners of the four dunes betwixt the rushing waters of the two rivers, most blessed and holy have [lost due to erosion]
>[lost due to erosion] the jews upon piles of their people's corpses [faded text] the sons and daughters of egypt in giant flaming pits, have lashed the [eroded text] slice the skin of the infants of Babylon and Nineveh, most sacred king of all kings does declare that all transactions involving sheeps skin are banned after the ninth hour, and all transactions involving the tongues and throats of cloven-hoofed animals subject to twice the normal duties.