The Bible is a fun read. My favourite character is king Saul because of how completely mindbroken he is by David.

My favorite book is revelations because it’s bat shit insane

>>17790018 (OP)
Good choice, but Jacob/Israel is my favorite character. His whole saga is great.
>cheating Esau and then being cheated repeatedly himself
>the spooky wrestling match at the river bank in the middle of the night
>the climax of meeting Esau on the return to Canaan where it builds up to a battle but Esau is instead just happy to see his brother again
>Jacob's sons being all horrible disappointments/little shits who sell their own brother into slavery
>Jacob on his deathbed saying to his 2 wives, 2 concubines, and 12 sons "my life was one of evil and my days of happiness were few"

I feel like Jacob and David are the best biblical characters, because they're the ones where we get to see the full course of their life from brash youth, to their adulthood, and then their old age, and see how they're changed over time by the trials of their life. If you compare that to the Homeric epics, Swift-footed Achilles is the same person at the start of the Iliad as he is at the end, and The Odyssey ends with Odysseus undertaking a needless bloodbath which leads to a war with his subjects, before the book abruptly ends.

>>17790060
David is my favorite because of the way he spoke to Goliath. The faith he had in God and the confidence it gave him was insane. He was so sure he was going to kill him he didn't doubt for a second.

my favorite is Noah because it's so retarded i can disregard the rest of the book as pure fiction

>>17790018 (OP)
I really like Jonah because it is essentially a tract piece where Jonah is the personnification of the Israel of his time and he gets constantly put down by God for not only denying Him but also wishing the curse of God upon the Assyrians :
>1Jonah, however, was greatly displeased [at GOD for granting mercy to Nineveh], and he became angry. 2So he prayed to the LORD, saying, “O LORD, is this not what I said while I was still in my own country? This is why I was so quick to flee toward Tarshish. I knew that You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger, abounding in loving devotion—One who relents from sending disaster. 3And now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.”
>4But the LORD replied, “Have you any right to be angry?”
>5Then Jonah left the city and sat down east of it, where he made himself a shelter and sat in its shade to see what would happen to the city. 6So the LORD God appointed a vine,b and it grew up to provide shade over Jonah’s head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was greatly pleased with the plant.
>7When dawn came the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the plant so that it withered.
>8As the sun was rising, God appointed a scorching east wind, and the sun beat down on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint and wished to die, saying, “It is better for me to die than to live.”
>9Then God asked Jonah, “Have you any right to be angry about the plant?”
>“I do,” he replied. “I am angry enough to die!”
>10But the LORD said, “You cared about the plant, which you neither tended nor made grow. It sprang up in a night and perished in a night.
>11So should I not care about the great city of Nineveh, which has more than 120,000 people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well?”
It's, I think, one of the harshest piece of national self-critique to ever come out of a Bronze-to-Iron Age civilization.

>>17790018 (OP)
I think genuinely being forced to read it ruined my ability to enjoy reading

My favorite part of the Bible is when Moses and the Pharaoh's mages have a stick-transforming contest

Moses is literally a wizard or some shit.
Half the time it reads like people are just as afraid of him as they respect him.

You should try the Ethiopian Book of Mormon

>>17791002
Most of the prophets were like that
people who ignore that feeling tend not to live long, like the kids that went out of their way to insult Elijah and jeer him off away from the town of Bethel.
42 (the numeral is used by God to indicate harsh judgement) of them got mauled by bears.

>>17790920
It's a lovely little story, yeah.

>>17791028
JANNIIIIIIIIES BAN THIS SÖYNIGGER FROM THE SHARDEEEE HE IS MAKING MY 4CÜCK CLITTY LEAK HELP ME GRAPEAPE

>>17790060
>Jacob
The trilogy of Abraham, Israel, and Joseph is all very special

Melkizidek is such a funny guy
what was he doing 90% of the story anyway?

>>17793780
See
https://www.centerplace.org/hs/iv/genesis.htm#c14

>>17790018 (OP)
>chooses Saul
>not Lot
fucking pleb

>>17793788
>>17793780
Verse 26 is where the most is expanded

also >>17791015

>>17790018 (OP)
Have you read the protestant version of the deuterocanonical books too?
42 Choosing to die nobly rather than to fall into the hands of the wicked, and to suffer abuses unbecoming his noble birth.

43 But whereas through haste he missed of giving himself a sure wound, and the crowd was breaking into the doors, he ran boldly to the wall, and manfully threw himself down to the crowd:

44 But they quickly making room for his fall, he came upon the midst of the neck.

45 And as he had yet breath in him, being inflamed in mind he arose: and while his blood ran down with a great stream, and he was grievously wounded, he ran through the crowd:

46 And standing upon a steep rock, when he was now almost without blood, grasping his bowels with both hands, he cast them upon the throng, calling upon the Lord of life and spirit, to restore these to him again: and so he departed this life.

>>17790920
>true prophets are the ones who hope their prophecy doesn't come true since it means the people have repented
>false prophets are the ones obsessed with their own accuracy regardless of justice
>generally positive portrayal of gentiles, including potential enemies of Israel
kino

>>17794543
>true prophets are the ones who hope their prophecy doesn't come true since it means the people have repented
One thing I've found quite interesting is that YHWH himself often says shit like "xyz will surely happen" but then relents and makes sure it doesn't. It's a good reminder not to get stuck in a literalist mindset.

>>17791002
>Moses is literally a wizard or some shit.
The term you are looking for is "Alpha male".

>>17790060
Fun fact: My deranged father who I'm estranged from believes Esau is the wicked ancestor of the modern-day white man, and that accordingly all white people are going to hell for all eternity.

He's a crazed black supremacist that would fit right in on /pol/.

>>17793975
Source?

>>17793975
> Protestant version of non-canonical books
Spoiler alert: It wasn't us Protestants that decided which books were and were not canonical, retard

>>17794629
2 Maccabees
>>17794640
*or the deuterocanonical books too

>>17794689
By Protestant Version, you mean KJVersion?

>>17794778
see
>>17793788

>>17794786
Hold on. Mormons don’t use the the Deuterocanon or the Apocrypha!
Next time, say “NTA”!

>>17795076
www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/91?lang=eng

>>17790136
David was also a shepherd and had already spent his youth killing predators, so that helped. Goliath was like another annoying animal attacking his flock.

>>17794624
Well, why do white guys like hunting so much?

>>17796839
Yeah he killed bears and lions before he killed Goliath.

>>17790893
I still believe it and there's nothing you can do about it.

>focusing on the OT instead of the NT
Jewish/American moment

>>17797089
The only good part of the NT is Revelation. Every other part of the NT is just Jesus' disciples sucking him off and repeating the same shit he did ad nauseam